A Dance Of Blades and Hearts

so let me run

I wrapped my arms tightly around myself on the bed, head spinning, mind going through what just happened.

It had felt so right till everything came crashing down around me.

My reality, our reality.

I knew he was going to and I couldn't stop him, I didn't want to stop him.

I shook my head, choking back a sob thinking back to the look on his face when I left him

What had I gotten myself into?

why did I even let that happen??

I thought of his smile,

when he laughs,

all the moments from when we first met to all the nights in his room and his garden. All the times he had silently given me a piece of himself and I had unknowingly done so too

I thought of every touch and every moment, heart squeezing painfully in my chest

When had fondness become something more? Since when had I fallen for him??

The back of my eyes burnt, the realization bringing no relief, for the first time in my life I want to give another person every part of me, and it's someone I can't touch without burning.

The kiss had left butterflies in my stomach, but the reality of what I was doing threatened to drown me with guilt.

I was lieing to him when all he has done was to be completely honest with me. I had gone and fallen for the one person I was meant to hate from the beginning, the one person I can't protect without drowning myself.

My chest hurt so much and I clutched at my head

This. Us. We're tragic

***************
I would pull my hair out if I could

we were almost at the secret passage way into the palace and kiara had avoided me like the plague.

We set off extra early from the eastern states so as to make the journey back in a day instead of two.

She had been quiet all through. We needto talk but she refuses to even look at me and I'm not sure if it's frustration or hurt that pulls at my chest anytime she does

I was impulsive yesterday,  it just happened,

there was attraction between both of us, I knew that much. I literally could not control myself, but I feel stupid because it's like we've literally taken five steps back and my lack of control scared her away.

A part of my mind registered that she did kiss me back, but a darker part argued that she might have felt inclined too, since she's my elite.

I felt my heart drop but shook the thought away

We both know I can't make her do anything she doesn't want too, Which is why I'm so confused.

We arrived at the stables and jumped down from the horses, she didn't meet my eyes and I sighed, I couldn't let things go on like this between us.

I don't regret that we kissed,

The insecure part of my brain argued that she probably does,

she used to hate you remember?

I bit my lip at the thought, looking down at the woman I had fallen for, who wouldn't even meet my eyes, she bowed

"I should go report to the general " she said and turned to walk off, my heart broke at how detached she was and why she was shutting me out all over again.