A Dance Of Blades and Hearts

the way back

I opened the door to my home, azumi sat, head low and hands in his hair, Tera glued to his side,

his eyes flew to mine and I saw him sigh in relief, I wanted to smile, reassure him,

act like I hadn't spent the last 2 hours crying and balling my eyes out, but I couldn't, my heart was aching and my stomach felt like it was in knots.

They walked up to me carefully, almost as if they were scared to set me off

"are you okay kia? " azumi asked, eyes tortured but gentle and I shook my head, willing myself not to cry again,

Azumi hugged me immediately and I breathed in

"it's okay kia, you won't go back there, I won't let them do this " he said hugging me, tera stood watching us, her eyes were sad, but she looked just as determined as azumi.

I love them so much

"I'm going back azumi " I say in a small voice and I feel my brother freeze, pulling away to stare at me in shock.

I had thought about it back at the waterfall before coming home, I have no idea what's going on or how general oria found me after all this time, or what he intended to do.

The thought of facing the emperor again made my legs weak, made me want to dig a hole and crawl into it, but I did know one thing

The past 4 years have been the happiest for my brother and tera, I wasn't about to let anything ruin that.

They deserve to be happy

"what? " my brother said looking shocked, tera was staring at me wide eyed

"you can't be serious " tera said moving to stand beside azumi

"I am " I say trying to sound stronger than I felt inside

" you're serious "azumi says eyes wide,  taking in the expression on my face and I nod

"why? Why would you do that? Kia you could be in danger, and we don't know what he wants, for heaven's sake they might be trying to persecute you " he says voice strained and I wince,

If only my brother knew that was the farthest thing from my mind, I was only scared of amber eyes that have never left my dreams.

"I'll be there as an ambassador, they won't be able to hurt me " I say trying to assure him and he grits his jaw

"your hands are shaking kia " he states, eyes hard but sad and I look down at my hands, I didn't even notice they were doing that.

I pull them under my robe and look back at my brother

"you're scared, I know you're scared and I know you don't want to go back there, so why are you choosing too kia? The masters caused this mess so they should fix it" voice rising with his agitation.

"azumi I have too, I can't let our city face war, peace was something we never even dared dream of until four years ago, but it's what we have now, I'm not going to put that at stake azumi " I say,

trying to convince him and he just stares at me, eyes big and intense

"That's not your freaking job kia, have you ever stopped to consider that you deserve as much happiness as you give? "

I look at him eyes wide, his words hitting me straight in the chest,

Azumis eyes soften but he keeps them on me

"why do you put everyone before yourself kia? When you came back 4 years ago, I was so scared for you, you had nightmares, you barely ever slept, you stopped smiling as much, you got triggered so easily and it was so obvious you weren't okay. But you wouldn't even talk to me or tera, it hurt me to watch you slip into yourself everyday, and now you want to go back there? To make everyone else happy? What about you kia?" He finished softly and my heart ached so much