Far

twenty-one

He leans down and presses a kiss to my lips before looking at me and smiling.

"You are so perfect," he says.

My cheeks flush as I try to hide my face from him.

He grabs my wrists, "You don't need to hide from me."

I giggle, "I'm sorry. I am nervous. You make me nervous."

"I don't mean to make you nervous, you know," he says, his eyes softening.

"I know, it's just how I am. I'm a nervous person. Ever since that night," I say softly.

I will never forget that party, that mans face, the fear that rolled through my body. It still haunts me and I have nightmares about it, but I don't think I want to tell Harry that just yet.

His fingers brush my cheek, "I'm sorry. I should have been there when the game started or I should have warned you."

I shake my head, "It is okay. You didn't know that was going to happen. Besides, who did I end up running to for help? Not to sound cheesy but you protected me, Harry."

He frowns.

"I am serious, I have nightmares about it and the only nights when I don't are when I am wearing your clothes to bed. I can smell your scent on them and my body relaxes."

Well, that went out the window. God, I need to learn when to just stop talking sometimes.

"You have nightmares?" He questions.

I nod my head, "Sometimes. I mean, I'm okay, they just happened. I know when I am around you I'm safe. You are like my safe person. I told you this at the karaoke bar, remember?"

His eyes flash with an emotion I can't quite describe, and for a moment he looks choked up.

"I didn't know if you actually meant it or not."

I lean up and press a kiss to his lips, "I meant every word, I pinky promise." I hold up my pinky.

He smiles and interlocks his pinky with mine before reconnecting our lips once more.

"You cannot break it," I tell him.

"I won't, baby," he reassures me before kissing down my neck.

He takes his time, he is teasing me. And I can't stand it. It's like he knows I crave him but also knows I am too scared to do anything about it. I don't know what to do about it.

He pulls his lips away, gently blowing air onto the love bites he's left.

"I am the only one who should be making these marks," he whispers.

"I know," I gently touch the mark.

"You are going to have to teach me how to do that," I giggle.

He hangs his head before laughing.

"Way to ruin the moment, Grande," he beams at me.

I scoff, "What? I was just saying!"

"You are so cute, and innocent. I don't want to ruin you."

"You are not going to ruin me," I tell him.

He nods his head but I can tell he doesn't believe me.

I don't know what over takes me but I push him up, moving him to make him lay down as I crawl on top of him. His eyes are wide as his places his hands on my thighs.

"Stop doubting yourself, Harry. There is nothing that you can do that will break me. With half of the stuff I have been through in my life I am sure I am strong enough for this."

"For what?" Harry asks.

"For you."

He smiles at me, "I can keep being dramatic and put us in movie like scenarios or you can just kiss me and let me sleep next to you."

The lights started to flicker as the thunder cracked across the sky outside.

I look at the lights and back to him, "Or we can find some candles before we lose power."

"Yeah, you're right," Harry laughs as I get up and pull him to search his house for candles.

We quietly go up the stairs and grab the ones from the living room before heading back downstairs. We are halfway down the stairs when the light flick off.

I think for a moment, "Did you grab a lighter?"

"Fuck me," he grumbles. "No, but I have one in my drawer for my cigarettes."

"You smoke?" I ask him.

I am a little bit shocked. It should not surprise me but for some odd reason I never thought of Harry to be a smoker. Maybe if I saw him with one it would make sense, but right now it doesn't.

"You didn't know?"

I shake my head.

Eventually we find our way back to his bed. He grabs the lighter from his nightstand and lights the candles. I grab one and put it in the bathroom, before grabbing another and putting it on the table in front of the TV.

I make my way back to his bed where his arms are extended out, his hands making a grabbing motion.

I giggle and crawl in next to him.

He plays with my hair as my fingers draw circles on his bare chest. I look up at him when he kisses my forehead.

"I'm not going to ruin you, not tonight at least," he murmurs.

Something about that sentence doesn't sit right.

"I am really upset that we are going to miss class tomorrow," I tell him.

"Had I known about the weather I would not of brought you here. I'm sorry, kitten."

"It's okay. How do you like being in class with Lili and I?" I ask.

"It's not fun when you guys slide notes with Cole and not let me get in on the fun."

I laugh, "That sucks."

"It's not fair," he pouts.

"Life is not fair, darling."

He sits up, "Mock my accent again and we will fight, Grande."

"Whatever, Styles. I am tired so please stop talking and sleep."

He chuckles before laying back down and pulling me to his chest.

The butterflies won't still as I listen to Harry sleep. I can hear his breathing steady and tiny snores escape. I want to see his face but I am too scared to make any movement. His arm is still wrapped around me, holding me securely. Is this what it's like to sleep next to someone who makes you feel son safe? You know he's hiding something. I scold my conscious. What if I'm just scared? Overthinking? What if he isn't as bad as he's made out to be?

The thoughts soon turn into dreams of Harry and I in a home of our own, with books in our hands, laying with each other without a worry in the world.