Balancing Love ☞︎ A Jesse St. James fan fic

I Obviously Caught His Idiocy Because Im Obviously Idiotic!

Two months. Two months later and look at me, I'm totally fine! I look just the same as I had two months ago. So why did I feel so different?

It didn't happen automatically. I thought I would feel different when I had my first kiss. Then afterwords I think I had forced myself to believe I felt differently. But you don't. The only difference being is that you kissed someone. But hopefully for other people, the person you kissed actually talks to you again. That's why things felt different for me.

Two months. Two months since I lost my kissing-virginity. My lips were pure till they tasted the smooth surface of one Jesse St. James lips. Then he stopped talking to me. Completely. I don't know what his deal is, but if he can do that without apologizing; I don't want anything to do with him!

I continue practicing the dance I've been working on for months. The dance, reminding the of the time Jesse had come over. He worked on homework as I worked on my dance. We almost kissed. Almost. Oh, good times. The times where my lips were still free of Jesse St. James.

Of course, when it first happened, I was angry. Well, pissed. Of course I sent him some angry voicemails. But then I built a bridge and got the hell over it. He can do what he wants, I can do what I want. I haven't kissed another guy since and I don't plan too. I plan on focusing on my dance. Just how it use to be.

Now, I'm almost done. I've almost finished another one of my dances. What can I say, I'm a perfectionist!

Madam seems to have sensed something's off. She's going easy on me, not being so harsh, and spending more time away from the studio so I get more alone time. I think she also sense I prefer to be alone while I dance. At least when I'm not performing.

It's been kind of nice. The loneliness. Dads been pretty busy with work and everything so when I'm at the house, I'm alone. Madam's been kind enough to leave me to my work here, alone. I don't have any friends. I don't have Jesse around. I've kind of grown to be happy by the sounds of silence and/or classical music.

I restart the song, getting back into fifth position to start my dance from the top. I count down the music, going right into the dance. I think the most enjoyable part of being in the studio alone is the fact that I can turn up the music as loud as I want. So there is a fully acceptable reason as to why I didn't hear my phone ring. I continued on through the dance, watching the way the moves flowed into one another. It looked much better on a person than it did a doll. I wince from the memory. The phone rings again. Once again, I don't hear it. This cycle continues until the dance was finished and the music turned off.

The phone ringed one last time as i landed in my finished pose. I immediately turn to look at the phone that laid across the top of my bag. Brows furrowed, I rushed over.... seeing seven missed phone calls by Jesse St. James. Why was he calling now? Did he want something? The phone rung again and his name popped up. Sighing in defeat, I hit accept.

"Do you wanna go on a trip?" He asks casually. Burning rage fuels inside my body, my face goes hot, and if it were possible, I swear steam would be flooding out of my ears right about now.

"Excuse me?!" I ask, my voice strong and firm. "You don't call or answer my calls or even stop by; for two months there was nothing. Radio silence!" I say, letting the words tumble out of my mouth.

"Well then taking a trip would be a great way to re-connect." He offers, his voice high pitched.

"No, Jesse. I'm not going anywhere with you." I state. I move the phone away from my ear and go to hit end call when I hear his little voice come out of the phone.

"Wait, wait, wait," He begs. I jaw tightens and my teeth clench. I put the phone back up to my ear.

"What. I'm kinda done playing whatever game it is you're playing." I ground out.

"Look, I know I've been a crappy person. But I want to make amends. You're on that amends list. I want you to come with me, I'll make amends with you and her." He admits, sounding sincere. I take a minute to think it over. No, I don't really want anything to do with him. Yes, I kind of want to be around him again. Why am I a sucker for pain?

"Where are we going?" I ask, my voice devoid of any emotion. I can practically hear the smirk in his voice. Even after two months...

"Ohio. Lima, Ohio." Jesse states. I glance around the studio, thinking about everything that I have to do.

"Flight, time?"

"5:17."

"Ok. I'll text you when I get an answer from my dad. Are you actually going to answer?" I ask, the attitude clear in my voice. I hear Jesse's breath as he doesn't answer right away.

"Of course I'll answer." He says softly, hanging up before I can get in another word.

I groan, turning around in circles before I slam my first into the wall. I breath heavily. Leaning my forehead against the wall. Why do I do this to myself? Why does he deserve my forgiveness? You know what? I just won't go!

Who am I kidding... of course I'm going. I obviously caught his idiocy because I'm obviously idiotic!

I let out a cry of frustration, feelings bubbling over. I grab my bag and make my way out to my fathers car that I've borrowed again. I call him, putting it on speaker and placing it on the dash.

"Hey, honey, what's going on?" He ask, his voice sounding chipper.

"Hey, dad. Dance and school have been really stressful lately. A friend of mine is going on a little trip and I was wondering if I could go with them?" I ask, subconsciously biting my lip.

"What friends?" He asks, simply wanting to know which friend, though it didn't exactly sound that way.

"Dad!" I scold, which makes him break out in laughter.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry. You know that's not what I mean." He says softly. I nod to myself, turning a corner as I near my house.

"It's just a friend I recently made... you wouldn't know him." I add as an afterthought. Though I quickly grimace, my face twisting in an uncomfortable way once I knew my mistake.

"... Is it that boy? The one you had shown around?" My father asks, his memory impeccable. I stop the car, parking it in the driveway. I grab the phone and quickly make my way inside.

"Yeah, dad. But believe me, friends is all we could ever be. I'll be safe. If he tries to kill or kidnap me, I'll stab him and call the cops," I list off. I smile, hearing my fathers laughter on the other end of the phone. "It's just a little trip, I promise. It's good for teenagers to have fun." I joke. Entering my room, I begin throwing everything I need into a suitcase I retrieved from my fathers closet. He travels a lot more than I do.

My father doesn't answer for awhile and as he's debating letting his only child travel with someone he barley knows, I pack. My father isn't the most responsible parent. He doesn't usually think of all the factors, or the right questions to ask. Usually I try and not take that to my advantage. Sadly, I don't have that luxury. I flip the top over and zip up my bag. Hauling it onto the floor, I pick up my phone.

"You there dad?" I question. He finally lets out a long sigh, letting me know he didn't die of shock.

"You can go." He answers. I smile slightly.

"Alright. We're gonna be in Ohio for a few days, probably," I inform him. I start making my way down to the door. "Oh, and you'll be the one who has to tell Paige, bye, thank you!" I hurry out this new information to him before hanging up.

I use my now un-busy cellphone and call a taxi. Can't exactly leave one of my dads cars at the airport. I wait in front of my house, wondering if this is actually a good idea. It can't be. It really isn't. So why am I doing it? Because I'm a sucker for pain... or at least that's how I'm making it seem for myself.