Eternally hers

Finally There is the Light

"Adit wants my child" I say looking at Aja.

"She doesn't WANT your child." she answers. "She just needs her to live. Adit needed a reason to survive. And MayilArasi is that reason."

"Mary who?" I say looking at her. My agitation is growing . Its as if the more I learn, the more confused I get. "Lady, ma'am I'm sorry but I'm not any closer to understanding jack all right now."

Standing up, I walk around a little bit. All this is is a clusterfuck in my brain. I just need my wife. I don't know how long I can last here wherever the fuck here is and not see her. Not touch her or feel here. She is out there traveling with Adit. Out there living with Adit. And I'm stuck in a snowy dream. 

"How long am I supposed to stay here?" I ask her.

"Adit will wake you," she says. "Kiara is fine. I can promise you nothing will happen to her or your child. I know all this is confusing to you, I just don't have the answers to give you."

"You don't have the answers or you can't give them to me?" I ask.

Silence falls between us. A look of sorrow passes in her eyes.

"Will you tell me more about you?"

"What would you like to know?" she asks. Her eyes are starting to take on that glow again.

"Anything that you can tell me," I shrug. "I mean you said you aren't a god, so what are you?"

"I am love," she simply states.

"I don't understand that. How are you love?"  Running a hand through my dreads, I see her smiling. "Love is a feeling isn't it? How can you be a feeling?"

"It's not just a feeling," she answers. "Its being able to feel. When I got with Adit's father, love wasn't even a notion. It had no aspect or grounds in life. But I fell for him and he for me. I was transitioned out of my physical form when Adit was born. Giving my world, the one that I came from, the ability to love."

"Your world? Isn't this your world?" I ask gesturing around.

"Yes, is it now. Before, I lived on a world named Mecca. This place here is a corporeal plane. Think of here as a gateway for the mind and spirit," she says.

"Heaven?"

"I don't operate in the terms of heaven or hell," she states. "The afterlife is not something I know about."

"Is there others here? Other beings with us right now or only you and I?"

"Oh my yes. There are tons of beings here. You are just at what I consider my personal space," she says looking around. "Adit delivered you here personally."

I turn to look at her. What does that mean? There are so many questions but no answers. She is staring back at me. Looking so deep in my eyes, I feel that she is willing me to understand. She is trying to gift me with all the answers that I seek.

"I know you don't see it and maybe will never believe it," she says licking her lips, "but Adit is a good being. I am not just saying that as her mother. For years, I can admit, I thought I had lost my child. She did seem to have lost her way for some time. Pain is pain no matter what your form is."

"I just want my wife." I whisper to her.

"How long have you and Kiara been together?" she asks me.

"Around 81 years."

"Are you hurting right now being away from her?"

"Fuck yes," I quickly say forgetting myself. "Sorry. But to answer your question. Yes I miss her dearly. It feels as if my heart is going to cease beating at any given moment. She is my world. And her not being here beside me right now is killing me."