Eternally hers

There Goes That Shroud Again

"Hey Adit?" I say about an hour into our walk to only who knows where.

"Yes it?"

"Is Jesus real?" I ask.

"Um, I don't know I never met the guy," she says. "I won't say he isn't real because of that fact but tell me. Does it really matter?"

"I mean, I guess not but it would be nice to know," I answer.

"People put their faith into the unknown everyday,"she says. "You pop a pill and hope it isn't your last. You get into your car to run to the store and hope it isn't your last trip. The unknown surrounds you. Why do you need to know? KNowing cigarettes can kill you, do you stop smoking them? Knowing the effects of drinking alcohol, do you stop consuming it? Knowing doesn't change a thing puppy."

I ponder her words as we walk. What she has said is true. We continue to do things knowing that it is bad for us.

"Will you tell me about your wife?" I quietly ask.

I see her falter in her steps, before she comes to a complete stop. I can feel her eyes on me, but I force mine to remain. She steps into my peripheral. Suddenly she is in my direct line of vision, standing in front of me. She raises a hand to my chin, lifting my face up.

"You will not be like me Imani, nor is Kaira like my wife," she says. "MayilArasi, Mayi for short, and Kaira share similar traits. They are both strong women. Both very beautiful. But main thing about Mayi is that she never judged me based on my past. As long as I was upfront with her about things. If she found out later that I wasn't there was hell to pay."

She resumes her walk, beginning to lead us again.

"Mayi came from a rough background. She had to fight her way through life. By time she and I met she was broken. And not broken because what was done to her. No she was broken long before that. Between the wars cast upon the people by Nerezza, the deaths of her family members and the travels. Her spirit just gave up. She was a prisoner of war when I came upon her. She wouldn't even look me in my eyes. Wouldn't raise her head."

She looks off into the distance. You can see her eyes taking in everything. Every dip and crease within borders. To the birds flying overhead. Her eyes miss nothing.

"But best believe when we got together even before we got married, she managed to check my ass and keep it in check. From her upbringing and the way her life was, she didn't like having people wait on her. She prefered to do the cooking and cleaning herself. And heavens knows that woman knew how to cook. She used to make this dish called sweet meat. Um, it was made with lamb. Oh my goodness, the best dish ever.

But um, I would go out everyday. Doing typical shit that was obligated to me and every night when I got home, there was a hot meal at the table. I used to tell her that she didn't need to bother herself with such things. That she should just be enjoying herself. She used to get so mad at me for saying that. Like she absolutely hated another woman doing what she felt was her job to do."

As she is talking I take in the gleam in her eyes. You can tell Adit loved her wife like no other. That her wife and her family was her all and everything. And I feel a pang in my heart because that is exactly how I feel about Kaira. And knowing she is pregnant with my child makes me soar. I don't like what is happening between us. I want it to end. I feel that if things continue as they are, I may just end up like Adit.

"I wasn't like this when I had my wife," she continues speaking. "I occasionally had a drink and I would occasionally smoke but I wasn't this bad. And heaven help me if I tried either after we begun to start our family. Not that I wanted to smoke, drink or anything after I found out she was pregnant. I wanted to be awake and coherent for every moment. I didn't turn into the person who stands before you today until after I lost them.