Eternally hers

My Selfish Acts

Finally, being able to rollover onto my back, I let my legs lay flat as I am eventually able to breathe. Don't need air but I am certainly grateful for it. I sit up and look at Kaira sitting indifferently on the sofa. Slowly standing, each movement bringing a jolt of pain through me. I look back at Adit still sleeping peacefully.

If all else fails and I can't beat her in a fair fight, I'll just kick her in the dick.

Painstakingly making my way to Kaira, I sit down next to her.

"Babe," I start, "Kaira, I am sorry. I apologize deeply. And you are right, I should never keep anything from you. This just isn't my secret to tell you. And I have beat myself up and internally cursed everyone for telling me this thing. Because again you're right, we don't keep anything from one another. And I hated them for putting me in that position."

"No, Imani, you put yourself in that position," she says. "Do not give me that weak ass excuse."

"How do you figure?" I ask.

"You chose not to tell me. You chose to keep it to yourself. And you still are. So, until Adit wakes up I think it's best that you go back to the house," my heart slam against my ribcage

"Kaira..." I turn fully to her, reaching for her.

"No don't. I'll get someone from the pack to help me, but I need space and time away from you."

Tears immediately start to fall. This. Her saying this hurts a million times more than a knee to my dick.

"Baby, please, you don't mean this," I tell her grabbing her hands. "You don't actually want this."

"You're right," I sigh in relief. "I actually need this. I'll see you after Adit wakes up."

She gets up and walks out of the room. I sit there and clench my chest. My heart has definitely stopped beating. I look towards the bed at Adit. I want to feel so much hatred towards her right now but I can't. She never said that I couldn't tell Kaira. She never told me to keep anything away from my wife. I did all that on my own. No, I can't blame Adit for this. My heart just walked out on me because of my own doing.

My head drops as tears continue to flow. This is worse than us just being separated by unfortunate events. She has left me. Willingly. And it is my fault. I try my best to keep the sobs in. The bails of pain locked inside. Oh goodness my wife. My life. The mother of my child has walked away because of me.

I promise. I swear I just wanted to protect her. But through thick and thin we have always told each other everything. Even when she was running test or trials on me, she told me everything. No matter the pain I would endure. She still told me.

Tears are flowing like a river down my face and it is getting harder to take in air. My body is starting to shake and convulse. All I see in my mind is her getting up and walking out of that door. Kaira, please, My mind shouts. Oh, god, I've lost her. I've lost my child. I have nothing. I am nothing. I am hyperventilating. Oh, god please bring her back. Please sweet heaven and all bring her back. I can't handle this pain this pain. My vision turns blurry as my body collapses. I scream out my pain. It racks through my body.

My skin feels hot. Flames are burning across my flesh. Licking at old and new wounds. My clothes are suffocating me. I barely notice the smell of the singed material burning away off of me.

KAIRA, my mind continues to yell out. I am now burning up physically. I just want my wife back. I need my wife back.

"AAAHHHHHHHHHHH," I scream out in actual pain.

My blood is literally boiling. My skin is burning off. My clothes are gone. I lay naked on the floor needing Kaira now more than ever and then I remember. She isn't here. She has left me. And the rage starts to build again.