I'll Ride For You, Homie

t w e n t y - e i g h t

January 1, 2000

Arique

"You think I fucked up too bad, Bubba?" Ericka asks me crying. I decided to stay back here with her and DeArique because I was not about to embarrass myself. I already can't skate, then add the fact that he fucked my walk up. Baby no.

I exhale before answering her, "I don't know, Bookie. Maybe y'all should talk." I suggest to her. We are sitting down in the living room talking. DeArique has been sleep since they left. Babies are boring at this age, all they do is eat, sleep and shit.

"I don't know if he is going to want to do that, Bubba. He was pretty damn mad at me." She pouts. "I love him, I don't want him going to prison with the mindset that I'm disloyal. It might make him hate me."

Wait.

"Didn't you say that you were in love with Weasel and didn't leave Delontae because Weasel didn't want to hurt his best friend?" I ask her confused. "Why the change of heart? Why you want him now all of a sudden especially with him having so much time?" I genuinely want to know. This was just last week that she said this shit too.

"Because Weasel is just something to pass time. Don't get me wrong, I caught feelings for him, but he's no Delontae."

"It sound like you was just saying all that shit the other day from anger."

"Because I was!" She says frustratedly. "I just heard my nigga on the phone fucking on another bitch! Of course I'ma be pissed!"

I'an no bitch, sis.

"While you were hugged up with another nigga." I remind her.

"Because the nigga was hugged up with another bitch." She cuts her eyes at me. "Whose side are you on?"

"I'm not on nobody's side. Both of y'all are grown and should be able to communicate effectively. If y'all don't want to be wit' each other then say that shit."

"I do want to be wit' him! His ass jus' can't keep his dick in his pants!" She is starting to yell.

"Calm down, Bookie. I'm not trying to upset you or anything. I just don't understand why y'all together if y'all don't seem to be happy."

She sits and thinks for a little bit. "I feel like I can trust you, but I'm finna go get some wine to sip on while I tell you this shit." She gets up to go to the kitchen.

I take a deep breath to try and mentally prepare myself for what she might say. I don't know what she is getting ready to tell me, but I hope it's nothing too bad. With her fucking around with Weasel, my mind automatically goes to her helping him set Delontae up. Well that and the fact that DeArique might be Weasels baby. I won't know anything until she tells me though, so I'll just stay cool, calm, and collected until then.

I hope she brings me a glass to sip with her. I think to myself as I wait on her. I think I should be feeling worse than I do right now. I should feel like complete shit for letting my cousin cry to me about her nigga that I'm fucking. But, I don't. Don't get me wrong, I feel a little bad, but I'm not losing any sleep over it. At first I was, but I'm in too deep to care about how she may feel if she were to find out.

I'm sure he feels the same way. We're in love. It feels good to know that the man I'm in love with is in love with me as well. I feel more self conscious about me being trifling than I do of doing my cousin wrong.

I feel like my integrity is shot, so my self-esteem is lower because I feel less than because I pride myself on loyalty. I don't feel bad for my cousin or how I'm doing her, I just pity myself because I can no longer say that I'm a real ass nigga.