I'll Ride For You, Homie

t w e n t y - n i n e

January 2, 2000

Arique

It is o' dark thirty and I'm unable to fucking sleep, still. I told Delontae that I needed to be by myself for a little while, so he went over to Joshua's place. This was around six or seven pm. I've been up all night debating whether or not I should tell him about what Ericka did. I want to let him know, but I don't want anything bad to happen to my sister.

I know the answer may seem simple for most; tell him the truth. But, I just can't do that without thinking about what may happen to my family. I have known Ericka my entire life, we share the same blood, grew up together, we're siblings. I don't want nothing bad happening to her. Especially over a man that is rightfully hers, no matter who loves who. I am in the wrong. How will I be able to rightfully mourn her death, comfort my family as they mourn her if something terrible happens?

This shit is not that fucking simple bro, and I'm annoyed that I'm practically caught in the middle of the situation. I should have stuck with my first mind and left him alone. This entire ordeal is fucked up and frustrating.

Don't get me wrong, I love Delontae more than I've ever loved anyone, or anything. I just wish we'd met and fell in love under different circumstances. The thing that is bothering me the most is loyalty. I find it hard to be disloyal. So to whom do I owe the most loyalty? Delontae? Ericka? Myself? I don't know what to do, and I feel like my thoughts are in a loop.

Knocking on my front door brings me out of my thoughts for a short while. Who comes to somebody else's place at this time of night? This is booty call hours. I look through the peephole to see it's KiKi, so I open up for her. "What's good? Why you here so late?" I ask her stepping aside for her to come in.

"Them nigga's at Josh's place cutting up." She comes to sit on my couch. "I figured you'd be up, Smutt was telling us what happened at his crib earlier."

I exhale deeply before I respond and join her in the couch. "Yeah man. Ericka was spazzin' on us."

"Y'all told her about y'all?"

"Hell naw. But I guess with me defending Delontae she figured some shit out."

"Defending him how?" She looks confused.

Now I'm debating on whether or not I want to vent to KiKi. I feel like she is trustworthy. But first...

"Why you said you don't tell Bookie your business?"

She chuckles, " I didn't say why, I just said I don't." I deadpan her which makes her laugh. "Okay, Oscar the Grouch," her hands raise in mock surrender. "I used to tell her everything, because she's my closest friend. But, one time, she was tryna fuck Josh, and this was after I told her how much I was feeling him. Now when he first told me, I wasn't too fucked up about it because my nigga is fine as fuck. Plus his dick is everything. So, I thought it was my fault for bragging about how good his dick is.

What threw me for a loop, was when she started tryna throw me under the bus to fuck him. She was telling him about how I used to live the low life, and a bunch of other shit we did together. I wasn't ashamed about it too much, eventually I was gonna tell Josh because I love the nigga. I wanted him and I to be best friends before anything. We stopped fucking around heavily because he was looking at me a little different. We still fucked here and there, even cuddled up and showed feelings every once in a while. When he thought I was finna settle down witchu he decided to stop playin'." She laughs shaking her head.

"Nigga's and flies." I shake my head and laugh with her. "So why still be cool with her if you feel like you can't trust her? Shit after what you jus' said, she ain't even tell you, Josh did. Why not jus' charge the friendship to the game and take your loss?"