I'll Ride For You, Homie

t h i r t y

January 3, 2000

Smutt

I woke Smuttie up at six a.m. so we can go and get something to eat, just us two. I just want a little peace and love before I go in, and I feel like I've been neglecting him on the cool. Not purposefully, I've just been wrapped up in Arique, and my business shit. Which I now realize is the wrong shit.

"Pop, why you gotta go?" He asks me sad as we're seated in a booth of IHop.

"You remember when I told you how your Uncle Bubba did something bad and went to a timeout?" I ask him, and he nods his head yes. "Well I did something bad and now I gotta go to timeout." I watch as his eyes well up with tears. "I know you sad right now, Smuttie, but I'm not gon' be gone forever."

"I know, pop, I juh sad 'cuh I no want you to leave me and Dee Dee. I tan't show him what you showed me, pop." My little man is doing his best to keep his composure, but his tears are falling freely and his speech reverts back to baby sounding.

This is a fucked up feelin' dawg.

I go over to his side of the booth, and pick him up to hold and rock him. I have to remember that he is a kid and that I can't burden him with too much at a time. "It's alright, JuneBugg." I kiss his head. "That's why you have your t lady, your TT, and your Uncles to help you. Everything ain't on you lil man. I just want you to know that whatever you do, your little brother will follow. It's also more than just your brother watching you. Remember-" and he cuts me off.

"Everybody eyes stay on the king, awaiting his downfall so they can rule. I know, pop. I juh get sad sometimes." He wipes his face getting up to sit back down on his own ass.

"It's okay if you feel a lil down sometimes, jus' don't stay that way too long. Aight?" He nods his head. We spend the rest of our time together on some good time shit. Just chopping it up and joking around. My little nigga is my world. It kind of made me rethink about him wanting to come and visit me. I don't want him getting accustomed to seeing me in that bitch—shit just being in there in general on either side.

Well that, and then Weasel might know I don't have too much time because I'll be on a camp site. That thought confirms that I don't want any visitors for the short ass stent.

Around seven something, we leave IHop and head back to Ericka's place. I let Antione know to pick me up from here to turn me in. When we arrived at her house, there are several cars in the driveway and parked along the street. So Josh, Darrin, and Arique are here. I bet their significant others are with them.

I walk in the house to see balloons and shit, with a big ass breakfast spread out in the kitchen. I didn't think they'd do something like this so early in the morning. I think to myself. My brothers and KiKi approach me first to dap me up and hug me.

"I didn't think you'd ever get caught up, lil bro." Joshua tells me as we're in a bro hug.

"Ain't nothin' last forever bro." Is my response to him.

"Damn, Josh, he my brother too." Darrin speaks up from the side of us.

"Shut up bitch. You see me in my body, gimme a lil minute."

"Bitch hurry up and hop yo' chest foo."

"Y'all don't like me that much," I say playfully. "Fightin' over me like I'm leavin' a will behind." I laugh slightly.

"Shut the fuck up, Smutt," Joshua pulls Darrin in for a group hug, "y'all know I don't fuck with nobody like I fuck with y'all."

"Bitch quit cappin'," Darrin keeps it from getting too serious. "Yo' ass know you fuck with KiKi harder than you fuck with us." We all laugh lightly.