Lapis Lazuli X Fem Half Gem Reader

Numb

A/N- This Chapter is a big trigger warning. Suicidal thoughts and self harm will be mentioned in this chapter. I know it's appeared in other chapters but it's bigger in this one. Read at your own risk.

You got home. Your heart still beating. You were still breathing. But your emotions were frozen.

You felt numb.

You weren't sad. Or angry. Or scared. Or upset.

You weren't happy. Or excited. Or anything.

You were just numb.

You thought about Lapis. About how she left you. But you. Felt. Nothing.

You opened the door to your house and walked in. You didn't see your father in the living room. He didn't come to greet you.

You walked to his room and noticed he wasn't there.

He must've left.

Not that you minded. Not that you cared.

With no appetite to eat dinner, you walked up to your room and slept.

Or attempted to. You weren't tired. You laid there, staring up at the ceiling.

Then your phone buzzed. You looked over at it. The screen was lit up. You pick up the small device and stare at the screen.

It was your dad.

Dadio- Hey sweetie. I'm not going to be home until late in the afternoon tomorrow. How about you stay over at your friend's house or something.

You read aloud.

You- oh, I'll see you tomorrow then dad. I'll be at my friend's house.

You stood up. You weren't going to anyone's house. You just didn't want to stay here staring up at a ceiling.

You walked out of the house and into the woods. Those woods. The place you lost yourself in. Learned about yourself in. Learned about Lapis in. Fused with Lapis in.

You stopped in front of a tree. Looking to the right, you saw the clearing. That clearing. Meaning. You turned to the tree at your left.

It was the tree that you almost did something you would have possibly regretted. You had stopped though. You had thrown your knife. Your knife.

You pulled out the blade that sat in your pocket. The knife.

You had lost yourself in thought with this knife. Cut yourself without meaning to. Lapis had stopped you and asked you why. You didn't know. Why had you. Cut yourself.

Pain. That's what a cut would bring. That's a feeling right? Feeling. Numbness. Ice. Shards. Blade. Cold. Alone. Left. Abandoned. Love. Emotion. Gone.

Frost formed around you. It covered the grass and trees. The air around you became cold. The blade you held shimmered in the moon light. It taunted you. It screamed at you to do it. Use it.

It isn't hard. You looked to your wrist, that cut. That small cut. It still stood upon your wrist. You looked back to the knife.

Do I do it?

Do I not?

Is it worth it?

Is it not?

Do I belong?

Do I not?

Is there a purpose?

Is there not?