Ashes in the Dusk [CBS#4]

Chapter 27

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It felt like being physically present but mentally absent. Hindi ako makapag-isip nang mabuti habang sinasamahan sina Ate Blaise sa lamesa na abala sa mga bata. Si Dana naman, inaayos ang mga pagkain sa mahabang lamesa namin.

I couldn't believe how fool I was for not clarifying if Rahma was perhaps connected to these Sellozzos. I had been pondering about this thought the moment I met them, but I refused to ask them because I thought that it was too impossible because Sugriva was too far from this place. Ngayon ko lang lalong natantong hindi nga naman sinabi talaga sa akin ni Rahma noon kung saang lugar talaga siya nagmula. It was my fault too for not asking. I just got contented with the idea that we were together, and I assumed that he was really from Sugriva. He never told me about his family and I never asked him that, too. May mga pagkakataong nagtatanong naman ngunit hindi diretsahan ang kanyang sagot. It never mattered to me, though, because I was very contented that I was with him.

Naalala kong madalas niyang sabihin sa akin noon na ipapakilala niya ako sa pamilya niya kung maayos na ang problema. Hindi na ako nagtanong pa tungkol doon. I guess that made me a useless girlfriend and that made our relationship futile because of so many secrets that flooded it.

That explained why even with old clothes, he still looked authoritative and sophisticated. That was why I always perceived him to be unfit in the small markets back in Sugriva. That was why our tiny guesthouse never suited him, too. It was because he had been born with silver spoon in the mouth. He was naturally born as a king.

Kaya pala kahit marumi na ang kanyang damit sa sakahan, malakas pa rin ang dating nya. Realization also hit me that his dexterity and erudition in farming business had long been attached to each tip of his fingertips. Farming was in his blood.

Naghahalo ang pagkapahiya sa akin kung paano ko sya tratuhin noon. Pinagkamalan ko pang driver ko, napakayaman naman pala nya. Pero bakit? Why did he content himself to be lowkey all throughout those years? Hindi ba nya nagustuhan ang ganitong buhay? While others dreamed to swim on a lake of gold, this wealthy farmer chose to lie in a muddy street instead.

Ang kagustuhan kong magkabalikan kami... biglang nawala. For years, I pictured myself walking on the aisle while he waited for me at the altar. It eerily faded like a bubble today. However, my inner goddess was eager in pushing me to talk to him. I just... wanted to talk to him. I didn't want him to be oblivious of what happened to me. I just wanted him to know the reason why I failed to come back to him within that week.

Pagkatapos ano, Syntia? Kapag sabihin mo na sa kanya ang nangyari, ano ang iisipin nya? He might think you want to get him back!

Damn, I didn't know anymore. I was so much confused. Hindi ko rin naman sya gustong sumbatan kung bakit itinago nya sakin ang pagkatao niya. He would be more disgusted of me. He might even think that I only chase after his golds knowing his last ill impression of me.

Pero nasabi sakin ni Kuya Judson na nagpadala ka raw ng mensahe kay Rahma na hindi ka na hintayin dahil... sumama ka na sa lalaking tutupad sa pangarap mo.

Napapikit ako nang mariin.

"Hoy, Syntia! Ayos ka lang, sis? Kanina ka pa ganyan. Ang weird na, ah." pukaw sa akin ni Dana na nakatayo na pala sa tapat ko, abala pa rin sa mga pagkain. She looked confused.

Uminit ang pisngi ko at tinanaw ang gazebo mula sa covered lanai na kinaroroonan namin. There was a wide pool few meters away from us, on its right side was a dark gray gazebo with folding tables and folding chairs. Naroon sina Kuya Bacon at Kuya Eadselle, kasama ang mga bata at si Ate Blaise.

"I-I'm sorry, may iniisip lang ako."

Muling kumirot ang puso ko nang naalala kung paano ako titigan ni Rajah kanina. He looked... different. The fluid of memories when we were once a happy couple crumbled me down. Gone were the blazing passion and tenderness in his dark, azure eyes. His hatred for me was very ostensible. It hurt so much. Mukhang mas lalo lang akong nasaktan ngayong nagkita na kami matapos ang limang taon.