Ashes in the Dusk [CBS#4]

Chapter 1

Vɪʀɢɪɴɪᴀ Iɴɴᴏᴄᴇɴᴄɪᴀ Zᴀʟᴀᴍᴇᴅᴀ
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The sun felt harsh outside that even umbrellas had almost failed to protect people's skin from a sunburn. Lucky that I didn't have to walk for miles since from a little glow of a day-break, our driver, Davito, often drove me to school and fetched me after classes. Whenever I needed to go shopping in some malls, Davito was always one call away.

He had been working for our family ever since I was born. Pagkamulat ko sa mundo, nariyan na 'yan. My parents never thought about replacing nor terminating him as Davito had already gained their solid trust from his years of loyal service.

Katatapos lang ng aming exam, dumiretso kaagad ako sa ospital matapos matanggap ang tawag na isinugod na naman si Mommy. I looked pale and very worried. This was never new to me anymore. I was in grade eight when we learned that Mommy was suffering from leukemia in a severe stage.

Honestly, the fret in me got worsened each day, as her condition grew more and more complicated. Simula nang isugod namin siya sa ospital, hindi na bumuti pa ang pakiramdam ni Mommy.

Sometimes, I heard her cry alone in her room, it was probably because of the smartling pain from her bruises. Each time I got to hear it, my heart had not just stopped shrinking. When she was in front of me, she plastered a fresh smile just to make me assume that she was fine. Both of us displayed realistic fallacies so we wouldn't have to worry for each other that much.

But I knew better... alam ko. Dahil pakiramdam ko tumatagos sa akin ang bawat hapdi at sakit na nararamdaman niya.

If I could only aid her, if I could only suffer from that instead... she didn't need to experience any unbearable pain from that damn disease!

I missed the healthy tone of her cheeks, the bright spark in her eyes, and the natural pink hue of her lips which eventually turned pale in each the rolling month.

"You may lose significant things in your life, but do not seize yourself from seeking reasons to be happy, Syntia. Malulungkot ako kapag makita kang nawawalan ng pag-asa." nagawa pang sabihin ni Mommy, kahit halatang nanghihina na ito.

She had been sitting on her wheelchair for years now, I definitely knew how much she missed roaming around the garden on her feet and beautifying her flowers. Her plants were very fond of her and it was as if they really knew who was in-charged for taking care of them in the meantime as they still withered one by one, though the gardener had diligently checked them out everyday.

A dextrose and an oxygen always tagged along with her wherever she'd go. Kaya minsan, hindi ko talaga gustong iwan siya rito nang mag-isa, kahit na mapapagkatiwalaan naman si Xyril, ang kanyang personal nurse. Gusto kong ako na mismo ang mag-alaga sa kanya.

Sure, every one could take care of you, yet... none could really take good care of you.

Kung puwedi lang na tigilan ko muna ang pag-aaral para mas maalagaan si Mommy ay ginawa ko na. Kaso, alam kong hindi matutuwa iyon.

"Stop saying that, Mommy, it's like you're saying goodbye to me. I don't like it." I tried hard making it sound like a joke, though my throat had slowly become arid.

She smiled at me and held my hand. Binalot ng masakit na init ang puso ko nang dalhin ni Mommy ang kamay ko sa kanyang labi. Hindi ko na makayanan ang luha, naninikip ang dibdib ko at mahirap huminga. Napaluhod ako sa kanyang harapan at isinubsob ang mukha sa kanyang tiyan.

I tried reprimanding my shoulders from shaking real bad. Minabuti ko ring hindi paalpasin ang mumunting hikbi. I hated Daddy for choosing his damn farm rather than joining me and Mommy in this fight!