Jess Mariano's Sister

New Menus

-- Edited --

Willow's POV 

I was sitting at a table with Lane and the Gilmores while Lane rambled on, playing a rhythm on the table with her drumsticks.

"Lane, honey, just could you with the sticks there, I can't," Lorelai says, stopping her tapping.

"Oh, sorry, nervous habit," Lane replies.

"Mom's a little crabby this morning," Rory says.

"I'm not crabby, I'm just very, very ill," she says.

"With allergies," Rory shoots back.

"Deadly allergies," Lorelai states.

"Sorry. Didn't mean to minimize your condition. Should we make funeral arrangements now?" Rory asks.

"Good thing the only nice dress I own is black," I add, smiling.

"Yes, but make sure you can get your money back in case this stuff works," Lorelai says, pulling a blister pack of allergy meds from her purse.

"Where did you get those?" Rory asks, taking them from her mother, to inspect them.

"Found 'em in your room," she replies.

"These expired in '98," Rory tells her.

"Jesus," I say, leaning on the table.

"What? I should take four?" Lorelai asks.

"Yes. That's exactly my point," Rory says.

"Here," Luke says, handing them menus.

"New menus!" Rory says.

"Very fancy," Lane adds.

"Why'd you get new menus?" Lorelai asks, not happy.

"It was time," Luke replies.

"But I had made little doodles with my name hidden in them on each one of the old ones, just like Hirschfeld," Lorelai states.

"Sorry," Luke replies.

"It took me years to hit every menu, and these have super-heavy plastic over them. How am I gonna doodle?" Lorelai asks.

"Has it ever occurred to you that the super-heavy plastic is there to discourage the doodling?" Luke asks her.

"Hey, Luke? This looks different," Rory states.

"It's not different," he says.

"Totally different," Lane says.

"It's not that different," Luke says again.

"There are more salads."

"Three more salads."

"Three more salads, who needs three more salads?"

"One was enough."

"You people are crazy," I state.

"Well, Nicole said-"

"Nicole said," Lorelai echos.

"There wasn't really that much for her to eat on the menu, so I just-"

"Humm. You added three more salads just for Nicole. When I asked you to add chili-topped Pringles, you said no," Lorelai says.

"And I stand by that," he replies.

"How come Nicole gets three salads, and I still get a no?"

"Because Nicole's his girlfriend," Rory says.

"Nicole is not my girlfriend. Nicole is the woman that I am dating, that's it," Luke says.

"So what happens when you guys get serious? The whole place goes soy?" Lorelai asks.

"I will burn this whole thing to the ground if that happens," I reply, running my hands through my hair.

Soy sucks.

"Just order, please," he says.

"Did you take off the Monte Cristo sandwich?" Lane asks.

Lorelai gasps and checks.

"Well, I-"

"No!" Rory says.

"You did. You took off the Monte Cristo sandwich," Lorelai replies.

"I omitted a few obsolete dishes," he states.

"I can't believe Nicole made you take off the Monte Cristo. She's got you menu-whipped," Lorelai says.

"She does not have me menu-whipped."

"That sounds dirty," I say

"I took off a disgusting, ridiculous sandwich that no one has ever ordered, including the three of you."

"But just having it there made us feel we always could," Rory says.

"It was comforting," Lorelai says.

"Like soup," Rory adds.

"Do we have soup?" I mumble, leaning to look at Rory's menu.

"Exactly. It was comforting like deep-fried ham and cheese soup," Lorelai says.

"And even though I never ordered it I talked about ordering it, haven't I?" Rory asks.

"On several occasions," Lane states.

"Crazy. People," I state, covering my face, as my elbows rested on the table.

"So you've not only eliminated a sandwich, you've eliminated a conversation piece."

"Now what will we talk about?"

"Dear Lord," I say, not looking from behind my hands.

"Fine," Luke states.

"Here, old menus, everything's there. Knock yourselves out."

Lorelai glances around the diner and I already know what's about to come out of her mouth.

"How come everyone else gets a new menu?" she asks with a fake pout.

He just stares blankly and walks away.

"I feel much better, now," Lorelai says, putting the medicine back in her purse.

"I think you broke him," I state.