Forbidden Fruit

Chapter 3 - Pretending

I didn't sleep for one minute, even though I had practice at 8 am. Fuck. After Nick had... kissed me yesterday, I was left confused and without an explanation. Nick had kissed me. My best friend since forever, the straightest guy I have ever met, that Nick had pressed his lips against my own. And he was fully aware that it was me, even though he was drunk. I mean, he had talked about how special I was to him, which doesn't make this any easier. 

It had to be a mistake, right? Nick was probably just too drunk to realize what he was doing. We have all made decisions when we were drunk, that we deeply regret in the morning. He probably just saw a mouth and searched for comfort. Anyways, it was just a kiss... you can kiss your best friend, right? I mean we didn't make out, we just... kissed. Well he kissed me, I do not want to be responsible here! Just because I'm gay doesn't mean I want to seduce my guy friends. To be honest, I never even thought about Nick in that way, not for one second. He was my friend, simple as that. 

But now he changed the rules. Nick kissed me and I did not know how to cope with that. Should I laugh it off? Or could that offend him and make me look like a weak guy, who can't share a damn kiss. Should I approach the matter and have a conversation with him about it, like an adult? But then again, he could say things he doesn't mean or he would say that he had...feelings for me and I did not know how I would respond to that. It was just...weird. It wasn't bad, just...I don't know..like something that was always off limits, almost forbidden, but suddenly, not anymore. I did not know if I liked that or not. 

Because with Nick it would be different. He wasn't some guy I met at a party who couldn't even fuck me and then I would throw him out the door and not get attached. No, with Nick I was already attached and I could not lose him. Not like this at least. Why did he kiss me? Why did he have to kiss me? I was a mess. All night, I laid awake in my bed, still fully clothed and stared at the wall. Once in a while, I was brave enough to glance over to my sleeping and snoring best friend, who was passed out on top of his covers. Normally, I would have tucked him in, seen as he wasn't able to do so himself, but I was honestly afraid. I did not want to analyze my feelings, since a scary truth could be hidden behind them, but I still couldn't sleep. 

When I looked at Nick in all his snoring and drooling glory, it did not help at all. This was my best friend and he had kissed me, because he wanted to. Because he wished to find a girlfriend just like me. But maybe he really just wanted a girlfriend, that was also his friend, like I was, and he lost himself for a moment, mistaking the longing feeling he felt inside as desire for me in particular. Yes, that was probably it. Yeah... totally. 

When my alarm startled me the next morning, I hadn't closed my eyes once. I turned it off, before carefully getting up and starting to get ready for practice. I tried to be extra quiet, even though Nick was still sleeping and a bomb would probably not wake him up, but I didn't want to take the chance. Nick was still snoring and looked very peaceful, even when I grabbed my keys and sports bag and opened the door. 

"You stupid stupid fucker" I said to the sleeping Nick, but more to myself, since he couldn't hear me. I closed the door and was off to practice. On my way there, my mind was still running wild. I even skipped breakfast, since I wouldn't be able to eat anything anyway, so I just went right ahead, took a shower and changed before the rest would be there. I then proceeded to run a few laps, 10 to be precise and started doing push-ups and sit-ups before the coach and the rest of the team would be there. I just needed to get it all out of my system or better, sweat it all out of my system. 

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"Nice work today boys, go enjoy your Saturday. Jaxson, I wanna talk to you" the coach said after we had finished training. I was so done by now, my muscles were sore, everything hurt like a bitch and I couldn't really catch my breath. I guess all my pre-work out was getting to me. The boys hopped of the field, after padding me on the shoulder. Coach was nice, but tough. Not like my coach from my old High School. He had acted all scary and military like, but actually didn't care at all. I had been basically training my team from day one and I think that is part of the reason why I'm so good now.