Strawberry Milk | Pentagon Kino

Chapter 44

Melancholy

I walked back home alone after buying ice cream. I don't understand how my parents were still excited to shop in the mall even though we already did it in Japan multiple times. As for the boys, I saw them busy playing at an arcade so I decided to text them to say that I'm gonna go home.

I licked my ice cream while listening to some ballad songs. I enjoyed my walk even though it was cold, but it sure is relaxing.

I felt my heart almost drop when I saw Kino sitting in front of our house, as if waiting.

My eyes were already glimmering with tears that threaten to fall. I missed him so much but the fact that he was ignoring me tore down my heart, and my pride.

When he saw me, he quickly got up but froze.

"Seorin." he softly called and walked towards me. I too, froze even when he hugged me really tight. I can't even bring myself to hug him back or atleast pat his back. Tears just continued to flow while I can hear him wheeping.

"Where were you?" I asked in between my sobs. He released from the hug and I was surprised to see his eyes really red, and his hair was tangled as if he just woke up. He looked like a mess although he still looks handsome.

"Did you know how afraid I was? Every night I can't sleep because I'm worried how are you doing? I was worried sick 24/7 for f*cking sake! I was scared that you might ghost me and you did. My mind was f*cked every day and every night. I kept thinking did you ate? Are you sleeping well? Are you happy and laughing there with your friends? Are you taking care of yourself?

"Or are you also having a hard time like me. Are you also crying yourself every night to sleep? Do you even miss me? Do you still have feelings for me?" I took a deep breath and chuckled.

"Who am I to demand anyway, it's just a mutual understanding right? My world doesn't revolve just around you. I also have a life. But why am I spending it crying over you when I'm on a vacation?!"

I cried out, I'm already crying a river and my chest feels really heavy. I feel so frustrated and heart broken. I must love him so much to feel this way.

I could see through his eyes that he was hurt and devastated. He leaned towards me and hugged me again.

"I'm sorry I didn't reach out to you, I'm sorry I didn't call nor text you. I'm sorry I was such a fool and an assh*le for hurting you like that. I don't deserve you." he said which made my broken heart shatter more.

It hurts me more when he said he doesn't deserve me because he's such a special man.

"Then do something for you to say that you deserve me." I whispered into his ear and barged off to my house.

I got some cans of beer from the fridge and proceeded to my room. I locked myself inside as I continue to release all the tears and pain I collected in my chest.

I got my phone and called the boys. Hui answered after a few rings and I could hear voices in the background. I guess they're still at the arcade.

[Yah Seorin why did you-]

"K-kino. He needs you."

[What? Why? What happened? And why is your voice shaking? Have you been crying?]

"Just go to him." I ended the call and threw my phone to my bed.

Even if he hurts me, I still can't help but worry about him.

After a few minutes, I was surprised to hear a knock on my door. "Seorin? It's me Hongseok."

I opened the door and saw him holding a plastic bag filled with sweets. He was shocked when he saw me. I can't blame him since I look like a mess right now.

"Go to Kino's, he needs you-"

"Hui and Jinho are already there, I figured you might need me. Hui kept on insisting to come here but I reassured him that I'll be here for you." he went inside my room and sat on the edge of my bed.

"Looks like you were already drinking." he said, looking at the two empty already cans at the side.

"Ah shit. My parents are gonna kill me when they see this mess." I groaned and dived on my bed.

"I brought ice cream and some meds incase you might need it." he handed me a choco cone which I rejected.

"Come on eat it, you don't wanna smell like alcohol when your parents get home right?"

I sighed in defeat but accepted the choco cone, "These don't really help, I need to brush my teeth. And  I just ate ice cream earlier." I pouted. "Are my eyes that puffy?"

He stared at me for a minute and shook his head. "Not really, although it's really red."

I glanced at the clock and gasped, "It's late you should head home."

"But what about you?"

"I'm fine, I already cried my heart out earlier. I'm just gonna take a shower and clean myself. I'll update you later."

"Okay then." he hugged me and stroked my hair. "Everything's gonna be fine. But what are you planning to do? You can't avoid him you know. You can't keep running. Either way you will have to face him."

I let out a deep sigh, "I don't even know what to feel anymore. I don't know what I'm gonna do."