Change of Perspective (TodoBaku)

Chapter Twelve

Katsuki's POV:

I wake up to arms around me. I jump up and scramble out of the bed when I remember that it's just Todoroki. He doesn't need to hug me. I'm fine with or without hugs. I guess the thud on the floor wasn't enough to wake him up because all he does is move a little bit. I freeze, trying my best to not make noise so he doesn't wake up. How did we end up on opposite sides? When we went to sleep, he was at the edge. Ugh whatever, I need to go to the restroom quickly and throw up before he wakes up.

I tiptoe out of the room and close the door quietly behind me. I head over to the restroom quickly and lock the door. Double checking just in case. I need this right now. I can't be fat. If I'm the only fat one in class, everyone would ridicule me. I bet they do that anyways, but being fat would just give them another reason to laugh at me. I pull at my hair, trying to stop myself from thinking like this. But I can't. The thoughts that I'm nothing. The thoughts that I'm a freak. They all just come at me. I grab at my chest when I gets harder to breathe. I just need to throw up. I run over to the toilet and pick up the seat.

I stick my fingers down my throat and when I feel the bile come up, I move my hand. I hope I'm not being loud. I do it again. And again. And again until I don't have anything else to throw up. The burn in my throat is somewhat comforting. It's proof that I'm doing something to lose weight. I flush the toilet and brush my teeth about three times. When I look at myself in the mirror, I cringe before looking away again. How could I look so terrible? How does no one point out how utterly disgusting I look? I'm sure they all do it behind my back.

No one likes me. They're either all scared of me or they all just hate me. Probably both. I wonder what they really think of me when they see me. I wonder if they just want to cringe and look away when they see my nasty face. I look like actual shit. My eyes look so dull too. I sigh heavily and decide to brush my teeth one more time. As I'm brushing them again, I think about cutting. It's like I can't stop thinking about it. Just do it. I should just do it. I deserve it. I wash out my mouth and open the cabinet under the sink. On the left side, there's a crack I found a few years ago and I put a few razors in there. I switch them out every now and then. I grab one and look over to the door to make sure it's locked. I also take out some gauze to wrap my wrist after.

I pick up my sleeve and start cutting. They're deep and painful. The blood starts spilling and I watch it fall into the sink. I do a few more. Just until I think I hear a noise. I stop and rinse my wrist quickly. I wrap it with gauze and put the razor back where it was before. I look at the gauze for a bit, waiting to see if any blood would seep through. Luckily it doesn't, and I pull my sleeve down. I clean up the sink, making sure there's no traces of blood. I turn off the light and it hurts my wrist, even with the gauze. My throat still burns a lot too, but that's okay.

I walk back into the room and I close the door quietly, trying not to wake up IcyHot. When I turn around, I see that he's sitting up, looking at me. I just play it off and roll my eyes. "What?" He gets off the bed and walks towards me. I see him reach out for my arm and I pull it away. He gets this look in his eye and I feel so embarrassed. "I-um you can go now IcyHot," I say angrily as I head over to his bag to hand it to him. "Bakugo, I don't want to leave you right now. Did you hurt yourself?" I give him an offended look as if though I would ever do that, but we both know that's not true. "No, now go away. You have to pack and your clothes aren't here," I say, giving him an excuse to leave. He can just leave. I wont feel bad.

"Bakugo, I'm not leaving," he says as he heads towards the restroom. I freak out a bit before realizing that I did clean up my mess. He closes the door behind him, and I go over to my bed after putting his backpack back down on the floor. I just want to go back to sleep. My curtains block out the sun completely, so that's good. I lie back down on my stomach and cover my head with the pillow. I notice how I'm still super tired and then I start to feel myself dozing off.