Change of Perspective (TodoBaku)

Chapter Thirteen

Katsuki's POV:

Fuck, now Kaminari knows. Of course because I'm so fuckin stupid that I can't even keep my shit together for enough time to make people think I'm okay. I was doing so well too until everything started getting too much for me.

I decided that I'd let them help me last night. Kaminari ran home to get the stuff he already packed cause he wanted to stay over. He went to sleep on the mattress that was in the guest room, but he slept here in my room, next to my bed. We're gonna get headed to school in about 10 minutes. The guys helped me pack when we woke up and we already ate, so really, we can head to school now. I already took my pills and I put them in my suit case with some water bottles. I told Kaminari and Todoroki about everything last night. Todoroki already knew about it, but I kept pretending that he didn't. It's hard for me and knowing that he knows, scares me. Same goes for now, now that Kaminari knows too.

I'm sitting in my bed, looking at my hands while I think. I'm pretty sure I've been like this for about 20 minutes, but I don't have the energy to look up or around. I can see that they're both looking at me worriedly, but I can't find the energy to care. It's too early for this and I won't sleep on the bus cause I'm scared that I'll get a nightmare and then freak out in front of everyone. That would be hell. It's already bad as it is that two people in class know. Mr. Aizawa has been catching on too, and I don't know if anyone else is. I've been really careless these past few weeks.

They didn't let me lock the restroom door last night after dinner. They said that if I took longer than 10 minutes, they'd come in, and if I had it locked, that Todoroki would break the door down. Of course I hated that, but knowing that they cared so much made me give in. I agreed to their rules, but that didn't mean I wasn't going to find a way out. Of course, I do want to get better. Being in this state of mind is not something that anyone should want for themselves. Hell, I wouldn't even wish this on my worst enemy.

I hear someone clear their throat and I snap out of my thoughts, looking up at both of them. They both seem really worried, but since I'm too tired, I don't try to convince them that I'm okay. They already know that I'm not really okay, so I don't have to pretend on front of them. I'll save my energy for when we get to the school. I answer him by giving a small "Hm?" Kaminari answers me. "We should get going now." I nod and start to get up slowly. I wince as I use my left arm to push me off the bed. They both look at me quickly as soon as they hear me wince. I stop and look at them. "Are you okay?" I nod and go to grab my bags but then IcyHot and Dunce Face grab them before I can. I look at them and they just start walking out to leave.

I decide that I don't feel like talking, so I just follow them. I have my phone in my pocket and my charger is in my backpack. Mr. Aizawa had told us that our hero suits would be on the bus already. Since it was cold outside, and Aizawa said it was alright, we got to wear comfy clothes. I just put on a black hoodie, black sweatpants, and of course, my shoes. As we walk, I take out my headphones and plug them in. Today is just not a good day at all. I feel so drained. Usually I have at least a bit of energy to act angry and normal, but I guess not today.

When we walked out, I saw the dark streets. The lights from buildings looked nice though. I look back down at my phone. I don't know what music to listen to, so I just put shuffle on all my songs. I just walk quietly with my hands in my pockets. I can see my breath come out in white puffs because of the cold air. I'm looking at the floor since I don't want to know if Kaminari and Todoroki are looking at me. I'm also really cold and can't seem to stop shaking. I had also packed a blanket with me so that I could just use it on the bus and not freeze my ass off.

When we get to the school, no one else is there. I like that cause now we can choose whichever seats we want on the bus. We walk up to Mr. Aizawa and I put on my annoyed face, just to make him think I'm good. "You can sit wherever. Just don't make a big fuss. I'm way too tired already," he says and let's us on the bus. The other two nod and I just say, "Tch." Honestly I didn't even feel like breathing right now, so acting like that just got me annoyed. Kaminari and Todoroki let me choose the seat first, so I go all the way to the back, choosing the window seat to the left. I'm not going to sleep, so I want a view of where we're going. Looking out the window always makes me feel calm too. Todoroki sits next to me and Kaminari sits next to him.