Dear Diary (Sequel to BTGOKISB) (Katy Perry Fanfiction)

Chapter 6 (Big Decisions)

I took a deep breath before I swiped my card back into my room. As I opened the door, numerous pairs of eyes locked onto me. I stood still for a few seconds before I turned around and sprinted. I could hear them coming strong and fast behind me, well the least that I could do was try my very best...

'KATY STOP RUNNING! WE HAVE TO TALK!'

'NO WE DON'T! JUST LEAVE ME ALONE TO ROT AND DIE!'

'Katy you cannot say that... we love you and all we want is the best for you...'

'IS THE BEST FOR ME JUDGING ME? DON'T I ALREADY HAVE ENOUGH? DO I REALLY DESERVE TO BE JUDGED BY ALL MY CLOSEST AND BEST FRIENDS? HOW CAN YOU ALL DO THIS TO ME?'

'Katy we never judged you... and we never will... Katy I know that this is really hard... we understand...'

'UNDERSTAND? HOW? HAVE YOU EVER LOST YOUR DAUGHTER? NO! I DON'T THINK SO!'

'Katy we are very sorry...'

'It's her birthday soon... I don't think that I can live through that... I feel... daily that Catcat is calling me to go with her, to reunite with her...'

'Katy... we love you...stay strong...' Johnny came close to me, welcoming me into his arms for a promising hug. I pushed him away and started packing up my things. It was time to go home... where pain overflows.

(Catherina's POV)

I regret leaving such a revealing source for Katy. I know very well that I will do everything that I can to stop her from finding me... and leaving her such a clue brings her hopes high again. How long will this last? I have already caused her to hurt herself. How much more damage do I have to do to her?

I feel ashamed that I wanted to punish Katy for lying to me... I wanted her to feel the feeling of being lonely, hopeless and depressed. I wanted her to feel the pain of losing what she loves the most. I thought that Katy hurting will fill up the hole in my heart all caused by all her pathetic lies. She came crashing into my life and ruined everything, my family, my heart and my life. I thought that her hurting would make me feel better, but no. I feel terrible for leaving her. I thought that taking the easy way out will do the both of us good but this is not working. 

I want to help, make myself useful to her, but I know that I cannot. If I go back, I will go back to my old habits of hurting myself again. If I don't, Katy will keep on hurting herself. This is so ironic. We are so related but yet so destructive of each other. How can I fix this mess that I created? Will I ever be able to go home again? Being alone out here is not fun at all... it's scary and it makes you want to die even more.

(Angela's POV) 

My right eye have been twitching since Katy returned to Los Angeles. Some told me that it means that something bad will soon happen. I have been trying to get my mind straight all day, hoping to figure out the right thing to do under the circumstances. 

Katy is exasperated by us a few days ago and she is still holding onto it. She refused to talk to us or even appear in front of us. As soon as she got off the plane she drove off to Mom's place and picked Millie up. I have been trying to ring her all day, but she is still very annoyed at me. I am fairly convinced that she would cause no harm to the baby girl, but what will she do to herself on Catcat's birthday? 

Katy's crew are all freaking out about what Katy will do. None of us dare to go to her place as that would further scare her and piss her off. I have been strolling around watching the clock with Stella in my arms. Nothing is going well and nothing is being helpful or effective. I took out the letter that I found at Katy's and read it over and over and over again... This lot sounds awfully like Catcat, but she is dead... or is she? If... if she really is alive what is stopping her from coming back and solve all the agony and problems? If Catcat really is out there and she chooses not to come back and let Katy suffer, I wish that nothing good ever happens to her again as this proves that Catcat is a dreadful egotistic person who deserves nothing like Katy.

(Katy's POV)

I asked to be alone tonight with Millie at my house. It was so nice to have two days break before I have to hit the road again. Fifteen years ago I brought Catcat to this world on a cold night. Never would I have thought that so much could happen between us and that I would miss her growing up. 

Every single year on this day I miss my daughter extra hard, but this year is the toughest. Every single second of my life that I miss her I convince myself that Catcat is better off without me somewhere out there, where she has loving and successful parents. This birthday of hers is very different... All those lies that I told myself over and over again cannot be retold... not now... when I know that she is... dead. 

I walked onto the balcony as I watched the sun set. It was supposed to calm me, but this time it did not work its magic. The fault was too strong. Catcat cannot spend her fifteen birthday with me or with anyone because I was too selfish. I leaned onto the railings, begging myself to jump off the side. I stood there wearily for minutes, or hours... then I found myself sitting on the edge, ready to push myself off the side and end my misery. 

I closed my eyes and counted to ten as I said my goodbyes to this world. My mind flashed through all the bad times of my life. My old record label failing me, Ian hurting me, Russell breaking my heart, Catcat destroying every single part of me when she got angry and disappointed at me... Tears were rolling down my cheeks and onto my shaggy top. I couldn't breath. My mind was calming down as I realized that this is one of the very few honourable choices I have ever made in my life to end the anguish of others and myself. I started pushing myself off the edge, ready to take my own life, like the way that I took Catcat's.