Dear Diary (Sequel to BTGOKISB) (Katy Perry Fanfiction)

Chapter 7 (Death Pain)

I felt a pair of arms drag me away from the balcony. Hatred filled me as I knew that they have disobeyed my orders again. I asked to be alone and they still had to ruin my moment. I struggled and broke free of that person and landed head first on the ground. 

She screamed on the very top of her lungs as my skull hit the ground. I shut my eyes tight as I felt every strike of the impact. She cursed as she backed away from me. That voice sounded awfully familiar... she sounded like someone that I really love.. Catcat.

'CatCat?'

'Crap..'

I sat up and saw her running away from me. I am quite sure that it is her. I called for her, begged for her to stop running. But she was stubborn like me, she did not listen... 

'Catcat please... please don't leave me again...'

'Katy you lied to me about my father... I cannot just come back to you like nothing ever happened. You already lived months without me and you were perfectly fine. Once I started appearing again... oh well look at you! Cutting, suicidal and every other bad thing. You are obviously better off without me! That's another reason for me to stay away!'

'Catcat please! Come back to me and we can start over! We can recover together! I know that you are not completely fine yet so please! Come back so that we can help each other! I am so sorry that I lied to you about Ian... I thought that I was protecting you... I am so sorry... if I can take it back I would have told  you the truth... I was scared... I am sorry Catcat...'

I thought that I had succeeded when Catcat walked towards me. I smiled at her and reached out to her, hoping and counting on her to talk my hand. She stared through my eyes, in which I could see my pathetic self in. I leaned towards her as she reached out too.

'I am so sorry Katy... but I have to do this... to save you... sorry...'

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The next thing I had any recognition of was my crew surrounding me and Millie crying her head off. Markus was fanning me and my head was placed on Angela's lap. I moved and felt the back of my head where there was clotted blood. My friends helped me sit up as I wondered what happened.

I turned around looking at everyone in the room. They all stared at me as if I was some evil panda on display. I cringed my nose as I felt a cold winter breeze hit my face. It was already bright and Catcat was no longer seen. I passed out next to my favourite lamp which is now smashed and ruined.

'What- what happened? Where is Catcat? Where did she go?'

'Katy we think that someone broke in last night... did you see anything or anyone?'

'I did... I saw Catcat... she knocked me out after she saved my life... that must have been her escape... she is such a silly girl...'

'Katy... Catcat's gone... she's been gone for a very long time...'

'No... I know that she is still here! She saved me from suicide last night! On this very balcony!'

'Katy you tried to kill yourself? How could you?'

'Why did you all come here to me anyways? I said that I wanted to be alone!'

'You said for the night only Katy! It's three now and you were not answering your cell! We got very worried! I thought that you did something to yourself! Thank God that you are safe now! Don't you ever dare to do such a stupid thing again!'

'It was Catcat that saved me! I swear to God! If it was not for her who dragged me away from the balcony I would be very much dead by now! You have to believe me!'

'Katy as much as I love you, but are you on something? Are you high? If you are you can tell us! We can help you I promise! You just have to go to rehab and then eventually everything in your life will go back on track!'

Everyone turned around in horror at that terrible comment from my mother who just arrived. Tears started rolling down my cheeks as I couldn't believe that she actually accused me for drug abuse. Angela opened her mouth, trying to think fast on what she can say to make this all better and defend me, but I was quicker, I was always quicker.

'YOU THINK THAT I AM ON DRUGS MOM? HOW COULD YOU? EVERY SINGLE WORD THAT COMES OUT OF MY MOUTH RIGHT NOW IS TRUE!'

'Katheryn, no one can come back from the dead! She is now in heaven with God! She is resting in peace!'

'Well screw heaven then! I want her back!'

Mom and dad stared at me in anger. I realized that I might have past the limit by insulted their belief, but in some ways they are insulting mine too.

'YOU REALLY ARE THE DEVIL CHILD KATHERYN! HOW COULD YOU SAY SOMETHING LIKE THIS? GOD IS OUR FATHER, OUR SAVIOUR! HE LOVES US SO MUCH THAT HE GAVE US HIS ONE AND ONLY SON TO SAVE US SINNERS! HOW CAN YOU SAY SUCH A THING?'

Before I even figured out whether I was angry at her for saying that I am on drugs or ashamed of myself for what I just said, my parents stormed out of my room and went downstairs. I looked at Angela, hoping for her to say something... but no. She looked as if she was disappointed in me too. She shook her head as tears rolled down her face. Angie stood up and backed away from me. Everyone that I love is hurt, is angry and upset, and this is all because of me. 

'Katy, I really have nothing to say to you... you have to stop hurting yourself. Look at you? What are you? You have changed... before you would never talk to our parents like this... this is not right... you hurting does not mean this is okay. You cannot self destruct Katy. I understand that you lost someone that you really love, but you do not have the right to hurt us too. We are here with you because we love you. I understand that you want to be alone, but shutting us all out is not helping.'

'Angie I'm sorry...'

'You think about all of this... god I cannot even look at you anymore...'

With the last disgusted glare that she gave me, she turned away from me and left. The rest of my crew followed her lead and escalated the room. I was left alone again, in this black hole.

Dear Diary,

All I asked is to be with my daughter again. I tried my very best to stay strong, and learn to love what is left of me, but there is no use. It was Catcat's fifteen birthday yesterday, and I planned to join her on the road. But there was no use... she hated me... she came back to push me away so that I can never be with her again... why can anyone be so cruel to me? I saw her again... I am not even sure whether I saw her from death or life anymore. I can no longer tell the difference between reality and nightmare. I clearly am not allowed to end it all right now. How am I going to survive?

Everyone thinks that I am a nut job now. I know that every single word that I said is true. I really did see Catcat, I asked her to stay with me, but she wouldn't... she hates me and so does everyone else. What have I ever done to deserve this? It hurts so much every single day going out there pretending that nothing is wrong... Does Catcat really hate me that much that she has to have me destroyed? Lead me, dear diary.