1dsexualfrustrations

You Are My Light

Dedicated to Hopless_Romantic2110

Just some fluff

I had never really been into blondes, but I quite liked the one sleeping soundly beside me, so dead-tired that his rest could not be disturbed by anything, not even the sunlight slipping through the cracks in the blinds and dancing right over his eyes. He wasn't a natural blonde, of course, and had been letting his roots grow out (much to Lou's dismay). That was how I reasoned through the fact that I had literally never considered dating a boy with blonde hair until I met him. His spirit must have screamed "I'm naturally a brunette!" to mine, and voila, we fell in love. Right. That had to be it.
I was absentmindedly running my fingers through said hair before I even realized it, but he just hummed quietly in pleasure at the feeling and squeezed the pillow in his arms tighter to his chest. Today I was absolutely scatterbrained because it was Christmas Eve and hidden in the closet was a present for Niall that would either delight or depress him-there was no in between. I was pregnant. Niall and I had been together for long enough now that it shouldn't have been a big deal, but One Direction was still constantly touring and recording and flying out of the country for one simple interview, and that was the exact reason that he hadn't even proposed to me yet. That had been the subject of many a "heated debate", me insisting that I didn't give a shit about a big extravagant wedding and that I just wanted to be able to say we were married, and Niall refusing to settle for a simple trip to the courthouse to get it done. I could only imagine how he would react to just the idea that we raise a kid together right now, let alone the stone cold truth that it was actually going to happen.
"Babe," his voice was rough from the past eleven or so hours of disuse, and made me jump a foot high in surprise. Pressing a hand to my chest to calm my suddenly rapidly beating heart, I leaned over his shoulder and peered down at his face. "You're awake?" His bright blue eyes were half-lidded, but definitely staring back at me, and he said mockingly, "No, I'm talking directly to you in my sleep." I punched him in the arm, and I didn't really hold back, but that still didn't mean it hurt. He made an oomph sound just to humor me, which only had me punching him again. "Baaabe," he whined, "stop hitting me, kiss me, kiss me instead!" And even though he was so childish, he was really so cute, so I obliged him and directed my lips onto his. He was smiling softly when I pulled away and probably about to go off on a tangent about how much he loved me. I cut him off with, "Ew, you have really bad morning breath."
I hopped off the bed and darted out of the room, giggling as he lunged after me in retaliation to my insult but just barely missed. "You're cooking breakfast, by the way!" I yelled behind me, and he groaned loud enough that I heard him from all the way down the hall and now halfway down the stairs. In the living room, I flopped down onto the couch and stared at the Christmas tree in the corner. Niall had barely made it home in time for today, with his busy schedule and then a huge storm delaying his flight by several days, so we hadn't been able to go buy a real tree like we usually did. Even if we had gone out and gotten one as soon as his plane had arrived the evening before, we wouldn't have had time to decorate it. So I had settled for a fake, pre-lit tree, and to be honest, it was really putting a damper on my Christmas spirit.
"It's still a pretty tree, babe," Niall said as he walked in. Last time I had seen him he had been naked under our blankets, now he was in a cozy sweater and some joggers. He looked very warm, so I held out my arms as an invitation for him to come cuddle with me. Instead of immediately attaching himself to my side, Niall raised an eyebrow. "I thought I was cooking breakfast?" He teased me. I narrowed my eyes at him and replied, "Don't be a smart ass, Horan. Come here. I'm cold." But then he was spinning on his heel and heading in the opposite direction, tossing a "Nah, I'm hungry," back at me.
I followed him into the kitchen and picked up the conversation that had almost started earlier-"I know the tree is pretty, but it doesn't smell right. It doesn't smell like anything." Niall didn't answer me, so I continued urgently, "It doesn't smell like Christmas, Niall! Do you even care!" I was being over-dramatic, honestly, but at the time it was an extremely upsetting realization. Blame the hormones. "No, Y/N, I don't care that much." I was readying to smack him when Niall quickly stepped forward and wrapped his arms around me. "I don't care that it doesn't smell like Christmas, I'm just glad I'm here with you."
What an idiot. What an absolute idiot. I hated when he said stupid romantic shit like that...except I didn't. There was a huge, sloppy grin on my face, and I rewarded his sweetness with another kiss. I was slowly dragging my hands up his chest and around his shoulders to wind behind his neck when I felt Niall's hands cheekily slip from my waist to my bum and palm the flesh there. "Hey!" I hopped away from him, "No copping a feel before breakfast, Niall James Horan!" The blonde rolled his eyes, reaching out to me again, but I swatted his hands away. "Baby, don't be like this, it's been so long," Niall pouted, but there was one person on this planet who was not susceptible to his puppy dog face and thankfully, that was me. I shook my head firmly. "Don't you think you've been naughty enough this year? I'm already going to be surprised if Santa brings you any gifts," I said, trying to keep a straight face. I mean, I was trying really hard. I managed to skip out of the kitchen before I smiled at my own words.
"Well now I'm not asking what you want to eat!" Niall shouted after me, "I hope you want pancakes 'cause that's what I'm making and that's final!" I had wanted pancakes. This worked out perfectly. An hour later, Niall was in the shower while I cleaned up the huge mess he had made. I didn't mind that much, though, having to clean up after him, because breakfast had tasted especially good this morning. I don't know why-I had forced Niall to make me pancakes a million times before-but today they were the best I had ever had. Because of that Niall had earned himself a grab of my ass without repercussions as he had passed me at the sink on his way back upstairs, and I hoped that would hold him over until tonight, at least.
I finished drying the last plate and set it in the cabinet on top of the others, then I hurried to the bedroom to change. Niall and I were heading into town to do some last minute shopping before we had to go to his parents' house tomorrow afternoon and then make an appearance at some of his friends' party that night. I slammed the door open, positive that Niall was still in the bathroom, but was surprised to find him already dressed and sitting on the mattress with his back to me. He scrambled to his feet when I loudly entered the room, but took almost a full minute before turning to face me, his face bright red. "Are you okay?" I asked him, my tone suspicious, and he nodded frantically. "I'm perfect! I wasn't doing nothing!" My face was blank. "So you were doing something," I said, now speaking in a monotone. His mouth opened and shut stupidly with no words coming out, and I could see in his eyes the wheels of his tiny brain turning, overworking themselves as he struggled with what to say. "Don't make fun of my grammar!" was what he decided on before frowning and pushing past me out of the room.
Well that wasn't fishy at all. I quickly walked over to the closet, dropping to my knees and pushing a few pairs of shoes and a random sheet out of the way before my eyes beheld the (immaculately) wrapped gift I had hidden there and I gave a huge sigh of relief, having been worried he had found it and opened it and that was why he was acting so weird... But with that theory out the window, I was nervous all over again about whatever had gotten him so flustered. I swallowed thickly, forcing down my anxiety, and piled everything back on top of the tiny box. Then I pulled on my warmest clothes and a pair of boots, grabbed my coat, and joined Niall at the door. He had visibly calmed down, but now he looked annoyed.
"What?" I snapped, although not really angry. I tweaked his nose as I fell into my natural spot at his side. "Nothing," he grunted, "just that you took about fifty hours to get dressed." I shrugged, not really concerned with that, and grabbed the gray beanie out of his hands to pull onto my head. For about half a second he looked like he was going to take it back, then his eyes softened. "You look cuter in it than I do," he said. I just nodded. Niall grabbed a random snapback off the entryway table and slipped it on, instead. "You look cuter in that, anyways," I complimented him, before swinging the door open and trudging out into the snow.
Niall pulled the Range Rover up into a gas station (or a petrol station, as he called it) not too long later. He filled up the tank while I waited in the passenger's seat messing about on my phone, then tapped on the window as he passed by and headed straight inside instead of getting back in the car. I frowned, since it was too cold and quiet in here, but I knew it was colder outside of the car and the warmth in the shop just wasn't worth the thirty second walk. Niall was quick though, sensing my irritation I'm sure, and was soon getting back into the car with a bag in tow. "What did you even get?" Niall dug out a package of chips (crisps) and tossed whatever else into the backseat, not feeling the need to say after that. "Snacks! Niall, we just ate..." I trailed off, thinking that I knew very well just how much this boy could put away, and also that I didn't really care that much.
The day went by slowly, and by time we were dragging our feet up the walkway to the door with several bags weighing us down, it felt like we had been gone for weeks. At least that's how I felt. Niall, actually, was shifting restlessly from one foot to the other, and he kept running his hands through his hair and looking from side to side as if somebody was watching us. "You're being weird again," I commented as I unlocked the door, but once again he just went by me and offered no explanation. He dropped the bags he'd been carrying at the foot of the stairs before then taking them two at a time, ascending quickly, yelling "I'm gonna get the wrapping paper!"
We spent almost two hours wrapping gifts for his family and friends. I was actually quite good at wrapping, but he wasn't really helping, just making a mess, taping random bits of paper to random patches of either of our skin, and tapping me with the tip of a marker when I wasn't looking, much to my annoyance. When we had finished we decided to take them out to the car now instead of waiting until tomorrow, and coming back inside, I asked Niall to start a fire before disappearing up into our room. As was tradition, we would be giving one gift tonight. I sat on the floor of our closet with the tiny box in my hands for much longer than I realized. The scent of hot chocolate hit me before Niall kicked the door open gently and walked in carrying two mugs of it.
"What are you doing, cutie?" He asked, kneeling down beside me. I held up the present, trying to act like it was no big deal, but my hands were shaking. He furrowed his brow curiously, but didn't press me for a real answer. "That the present I get to open soon?" Words escaped me and all I could do was nod. He nodded back, and silence fell over us both, until he held out one of the hot chocolates to me. "Come on down, it's warm in the living room," he said as my (very cold) fingers wrapped around the cup. With that and the present in hand, I followed him to the couch, where I cuddled into his side and we watched the fire crackling. Although I was extremely nervous, I felt so safe and comfortable in Niall's arms, right where I was meant to be.
When I had sipped the last of my drink, I leaned forward to place my mug on the coffee table and grabbed Niall's present off the floor where I had left it. He was shifting in his seat, too, but when I faced him again, he wasn't holding out a gift for me. "Where's mine?" I asked, and only later did I think that I sounded like a spoiled brat just then. He laughed and rubbed the back of his neck, his face tight. "It's in a hiding place," he said, "lemme open mine first." I opened my mouth to protest, but Niall had already snatched the box out of my hands and started to attack the wrapping paper before I could. "Niall, wait," I said, putting my hands around his bicep, but it was too late. He was already staring down at the tiny shoes, no expression on his face.
"Um...they're cleats," I tried. Niall was mute. In fact, he was like a statue, silent and still and I swear to god, he wasn't breathing. With nothing left to lose, I whispered, "They're cleats...for our baby." When he still didn't answer me, I looked down and wanted to cry at the way his large hands cradled the shoes so delicately, like they were going to break if he moved his finger even an inch. My own hands slid over to cover both of his. "We're having a baby." He wasn't asking. He wasn't looking at me, either, but I still nodded. Finally, Niall's head rose and our eyes met. His were filled with tears.
"I'm pregnant." I had known for weeks now, but that was the first time I had actually said the words. Niall gently placed the baby cleats on the table, and I hoped he would give me a hug and a kiss and tell me how happy he was and how much he loved me, but instead he was drawing away from me. I felt tears of shame and sadness and anger all in one pressing against my eyes, about to fall, when suddenly I realized-Niall was sliding off the couch. He was moving onto one knee. He was reaching in his pocket, pulling out a black velvet box, and opening it to present the most beautiful ring I had literally ever seen. And he was quietly saying,
"Y/N, we're going to get married." Maybe I was supposed to say something, maybe I was supposed to say "yes" (even though he didn't ask me, not that I minded). Instead I dropped down to my knees and wrapped my arms around his shoulders, pressing my face into him and coating his neck with tears and kisses. A second later he was trying to pry me off of him, and when he did it was just long enough to kiss my fingertip and slip on the ring before I launched off again. We fell on to the carpet, wrapped up in each other, lips pressing to any inch of skin we could reach, but before we could lose ourselves to the passion of it all, Niall asked, "That does mean yes, right?" I laughed and grabbed his hand, pressing it to my belly. "That does mean you're happy about the baby, right?" His answer was to duck his head and kiss the spot where his hand was. My heart warmed at the affection. "The cleats were a good touch," he whispered against my stomach, "I can't wait to teach them how to play football with me." I ran my fingers through his hair, imagining it, Niall and our son or daughter kicking a ball around in the backyard.
"Oh! Wait! I need you to open one more present!" His eyes lit up as he leaped to his feet and took off out of the room, through the hall, and...to the front door? "Be right back!" He slipped out into the snowy night in just a pair of sweatpants, a t-shirt, and some socks, and I felt cold for him. I also felt a little annoyed again, at him just taking off in the middle of such a perfect moment, but I was prepared to be annoyed at him for the rest of my life. He returned, shivering violently and carrying the bag from the gas station. "What the hell?!" I cried as he tossed it into my hands and fell down on the ground beside me. Niall just winked and nodded at the bag, urging me to look inside. I read the word "pine" on the package before I actually pulled out the object and saw what it was, and I didn't think I had it in me to cry about anything else, but-like I said, he was just so cute. "It's an air freshener!" He announced, as if I didn't know, "So it can smell like Christmas." As thankful for it as I was, I dropped the gift in my lap and leaned forward to cup Niall's cheeks and give him another big kiss. He was smiling into it, wider than I had ever known him to smile before.
"So, you're happy right? Really happy?" I waited for the next question, the one that I knew was coming, and Niall asked, "Does that mean we can have sex now?" To tease him, I looked off to the side and tapped a finger to my chin, as if I had to consider it. "I guess so," I finally answered him, "but only because I love you."