1dsexualfrustrations

I Don't Need You (Part II)

I Don't Need You (Part II)

It was time to return to her old home. Not their home the home she had lived in before she met him before her life had gone through heaven and hell. She had realized that being at her mothers reminiscing over old happy memories wouldn't help her but only destroy her more.

She struggled with her bags but with enough force she got the door to open. She had believed that the reason it was so difficult to open the door was because of the multiple bags but she was wrong. Letters. A large pile of letters lay on the cold apartment floor. Quickly she placed the bags into the living room because her interest lay in those letters. Bringing a box from the back she placed those untouched letters inside to her room. There she sat and for the next few days her life revolved around those letters. Letters that would bring back everything she left behind.

Letter #1

Dear (Y/N),
I'm sorry.

She looked through these letters recognizing the soft curve of his y's. And the first few letters contained those two words. They progressively began to lengthen in words. Words he wished he could have said before.

Letter #75

Dear (Y/N) ,
Everyday that I look at that stupid book shelf shaped like the states I remember you. I remember the way you used to sit on that curved white couch. I can't even call that couch white because you filled it with all your food stains due to your clumsiness. I remember when you would sit and read your realistic books. And I would ask you why you never read fairy tales and you would always say I have my fairy tale right here. And I would smile at you and you would blush and just look right down at your book.

Most of these letters contained memories some that she had lost or had forgotten. Some memories were from him things she had believed he had forgotten or had pushed away for his sake. And regardless of how much she wanted to forget him and what he put her through she didn't. She couldn't stop herself from keeping in possession the last things that would remind her of him.

Letter #198

Dear (Y/N)
I was wrong. I need you. It's killing me that you're not lying beside me. It kills me that I can't hear you laugh at those silly cartoon shows anymore. It kills me that I have to answer why we are no longer together. I wish I didn't have to answer that. I wish I could just go home and cuddle next to you while you brush my curls to the side. I wish I could hear your sarcastic remarks to how wonderful my jokes are. I wish I could just be with you. I don't need any money. I don't need any awards. I don't need anyone else. And that's why being without you makes my life so much harder. Because the only person I truly need is you. And I don't have you, not anymore.

The letters came in two pages, sometimes even six. Most of them describing things about her she never noticed. Some describing intimate moments they had shared. Others were simply jokes or stories she had said that he had never forgotten.

Letter #365

It's been an excruciating year. A year that I am surprised I lived through. And I've written everything I believe needed to be said. I've written everything I loved and will always love about you. But this final letter is truly for me to explain myself. You were right about the fame. You were right that I was not the same person. I acted and treated you differently but my love for you had not changed it only hid. Fame clouded everything and it's my fault that I allowed it to. I shouldn't have because fame comes and goes it never really matters in the end. But you you shouldn't have to come and go. You should stay and shouldn't have to leave for any reason. You deserve so much for how good you are to me to everyone, how you don't allow people to step over you, how you are so guarded. And now I truly understand why you were these things. Because you were afraid that people like me would use your deepest secrets your biggest fears against you. And I did. I told you the one thing you thought you'd never hear from me. I told you I didn't need you. That I truly was better off without you. I wish I would've known that I was wrong. But it's too late for wishing because you're gone. Hopefully you've moved on because that's what you deserve, a person who loves you and loves your flaws and your truths. But if you haven't moved on I only have one request. This will be the last letter I write to you and I want to know. I want to know how you were going to finish that letter. That letter that I kept and read all 365 days. I want to know if you still miss me if you still forgive me for what I did. Because I sure as hell miss you. I miss of every day. And everyone says that as the days pass the pain lessens but that's a lie. It increases every day that passes it adds to your conscience that what you did was a horrible mistake you can never take back. Every day I read your letter and I can't help but hate myself. This is it. It took me a while to deliver it. I actually finished it outside your doorstep. I was hoping you would be there to tell me that's it's ok. But that would be wrong of me to ask of you. Because I did you wrong. You loved me with everything you could and I threw that away. But I want you to know that there is no moment where I did not love you.