bringing lucy home

Chapter 28: sorry

Lucy woke up miserably, glancing over at the clock with sleepy eyes and noticing the time was 13.00 she groaned and snatched the pillow next to her, burying her face in it. Her head pounded with the thoughts inside she was trying to block out. It was then she noticed her bed was cold and empty. She turned over onto her back, and stared up at a line on the ceiling.

"You've done it again, Luce," she whispered to herself, tears trailing from the corners of her eyes. She was a mess. Still wearing her makeup, still in her party clothes. She'd fallen asleep in her glasses, there they were beside her on the pillow. She heard a slow jazz music playing from out in the kitchen, taking her back to last night and she groaned again, wanting to shrink and disappear. She'd really messed up. Not only had she blown up at all her teammates and kicked them out of the house just because she let ONE person get on her nerves, but she had yelled at Keira. She couldn't even remember the last time she'd raised her voice at Keira. Had she ever, even? She sat up in bed, wiping the tears from her eyes but they kept coming. She felt the lowest of low.

She tried to fix herself up a bit, splashed cold water on her face, wiped some of the makeup from under her eyes, threw on a sweatshirt, and straightened her glasses on her face before walking out reluctantly, feeling sick to the bottom of her stomach for her outburst the night before.

As soon as she was visible in the doorway, everyone in the kitchen froze and stared at her. Of course. Lucy was planning to make her apology to Keira, but had forgotten she couldn't send everyone home. Leah, Jordan, Steph, Rach, and Millie who were staying at the Bronze-Walsh home all looked at her with fixed eyes. She forced a little smile but couldn't make the happy look spread across her face to be convincing enough.

She glanced over to the sofa where it was obvious Keira had slept. Lucy beat herself up. Keira caught Lucy staring in that direction and pulled out a chair for her, giving her a warm forgiving smile when Lucy made eye contact with her.

Lucy pressed her lips together, forcing the tears back as she walked over to the seat beside her fiancé. Steph put a loving arm around Lucy and Lucy crumpled under the weight of their forgiveness that she knew she didn't deserve. The tears poured out and she fell apart, in front of all of them. Usually it would have bothered her to be like this in front of her former teammates but this time, her misery was probably the best display of an apology she could give. After she cried herself dry, and was welcomed into Keira's inviting arms, she was called to give an explanation.

"What happened, Luce," Millie sighed. "And...Luce...no bs this time, ok?"

Lucy nodded, sniffling. "I'm sorry girls. To be honest, I don't really know what happened. I've been so stressed lately, I have to admit. Just with life, with the baby, and I'm so unused to life in retirement...so I guess I was on the edge of collapse last night, and this girl just...she just drove me off the edge."

"It was that van de Donk girl wasn't it?" Steph asked.

Lucy sniffed again, and shook her head yes.

Steph frowned. "I knew it. Ellen told me earlier last night that she was messing with you."

Keira lifted Lucy's chin. "Lucy. Why didn't you tell me?"

Lucy shrugged, wiping tears from her eyes. "I don't know. I didn't know what to do."

Leah reached across and took Lucy's hand. "It's ok, Luce. We understand. Don't worry."

"Well you lot understand," Lucy snuffled. "But what about everyone I scared off last night? Ugh I feel like a monster."

Rachel shook her head. "Its fine, Lucy. You're making it worse in your head, trust me. We all do that. But...don't do it, ok?"

Lucy dropped her head in her hands. "I always screw things up."

"Don't say that Lucy!" Keira cried, leaning her head on the table so it might be on the same level as Lucy's.

Lucy turned her head to look at Keira. "Yes I do," she wailed. "Keira, last night...I just...I didn't mean to get angry with you...I lost my head...I feel awful, Kei Kei. I can't believe I..."

"Shhhhh," Keira stopped her. "You don't have to say a word." She sat Lucy up and pulled her into her chest. "You don't have to say a word."

"I know that life in retirement, life without the football you're so used to, can be really hard," Steph offered compassionately. "Believe me, I live it. And it's going to take some time to find something that lights your passion again. So...if you need it, I'm always here to help take care of the baby so you can explore what's going to make you happy now, you know, without football. Milly can always stay with Auntie Steph."

Lucy smiled through her tears, clasping Steph's hands in hers. "Thankyou Steph, thankyou so much. Thanks to you all, for sticking by me even though I'm...me."

"We love you! Just how you are!" Jordan, who had been quiet all this time, finally broke out, and everyone agreed.