bringing lucy home

Chapter 39: Alone Again

Lucy sat at the bar, running her finger along the rim of her glass, collecting the condensation from the ice cold beer on her fingertip. It had been 6 hours since Keira stormed out of the restaurant, and here she was still catching her breath.

She was in the club next door to the restaurant. It made her miserable to think that she was in the same club that she and Keira had been in with their team the night she asked Keira to marry her. She groaned and dropped her head in her hands.

"You alright, love?" The bartender asked her.

Lucy looked up through her fingers. "No," she sniffed miserably.

"Need another drink?" he asked, nodding to the almost-empty beer in front of her.

Lucy shook her head.

"I think you do, miss."

Lucy nodded through her tears. "Something strong, please."

The bartender watched her as he made her drink. "Must have been bad. You alright, miss?"

"No." She ran her hand through her hair. "I've really screwed up."

"We all do, sometimes."

"I do...too often," Lucy sighed. She rubbed her red nose vigourously, staring at the shot set in front of her. "This is it?"

"One at a time."

Lucy nodded and took the shot glass in her hand, twisting it around as if trying to find something in it. Then, tipping her head back, she dumped the contents down her throat, shivering. As the warm, hard liquor slid down her throat she felt it numbing aching chest. Stumbling out of her chair, walking drunkenly and painfully across the room to the toilets, she tried to push out of her mind the events of that night.

She leaned her palms on the edge of the bathroom sink, tightening her grip and watching her knuckles poke out under her skin. One of her hands was white and scarred at the fist, where she had once punched the bathroom mirror at her old home in Lyon. The thought of going back, in this moment, gave her chills. She regretted everything. On her other hand, her left hand, she wore a ring. A plain silver band with a small diamond in it that Keira had gotten her.

Ugh. Keira. The young midfielder haunted Lucy's mind. She could hear her voice, telling her to stop drinking, telling her to come home, telling her she missed her. Everything reminded her of Keira. Because Keira was Lucy's world, but now Lucy's world was upside down.

She shakily washed her hands, letting the cool water run over her scars and shivering fingers. She leaned against the wall for support, and then her legs refused to hold her up any longer, and she slid down the wall into a little ball on the floor, sobbing till she was sick.

She hadn't been so miserable, felt so bad since she was last in Lyon. Keira was right. Her last move to Lyon wasn't good for her. Just like last time, she thought it was the right move to make. Just like last time, she thought she was making a good choice for her future. Just like last time, going to Lyon seemed like the answer, to all her dreams and prayers. And just like last time, she was throwing it all away, her friendships, her family, and her relationship with Keira, for Lyon.

But this is different, she told herself. How? How was it different? The angel and demon on her shoulders conflicted. There were so many signs, so many red flags. It was just like last time. But was it? This is a new era of my life. Unlike last time, Lucy wasn't being selfish, she genuinely thought it would be good for them, not just for her but for Keira and Milly. To get away. To reconnect. A new life. Unlike last time, Lucy wasn't quitting on Keira. She needed Keira to go with her, she wouldn't be alone again. Unlike last time, she was making her decisions based on being mindful of her fiancé and her child. She could learn from her last mistakes, she was after a whole new position and she had foresight for the end goal...she thought.

But now everything was so complicated. Their engagement, the kid...Keira was right. This was their life, but couldn't that change? Neither Keira or Lucy liked the way their life was, truly. Keira admitted it herself, it wasn't ok the way they were living. It wasn't ok that Lucy never saw Keira anymore, and avoided her when she had the opportunity to be with her fiancé. It wasn't ok that they were both so distant from each other that they had kept these secrets from each other for long enough that it blew up like this. Nothing was ok about the mess they were in, and both of them could have seen it coming.

That's why we need to start over, Lucy told herself. To Lucy, Keira was the most important thing in the world, Keira was worth everything. That's why she was so willing to leave everything for the change they needed as a family. The new job at Lyon was just one part in the plan. The goal was to see Keira happy again, and now it seemed so far out of reach.