The Truth About Magnus (Malec AU)

I Don't Know

"Alec, are you going to talk to me or am I going to have to just keep bugging you?" Jace poked me in the arm as he kept his eyes on the road. It had been a week since my parents caught me with Magnus in my room. They had reacted even worse than I expected and they hadn't even thought I was dating him. They hated him and were pissed at me for being his friend. I could never come out now. Since then I stayed out of the janitor's closet, skipped science, and made sure if I saw Magnus, to turn the other way.

"Shut up!" I shouted at my best friend, nearing an explosion of emotions. I smashed the palms of my hands against my eyes until the lights were sparkling behind my eyelids except they just made me think of Magnus's nails.

"Talk to me." Jace pulled off the road and turned his car off so he could look at me. I didn't look at him though. I stayed in my corner staring at my black shoes. "Alec, you can't just keep acting like nothing happened. He fucking stayed the night and then you let your parents kick him out. You haven't talked to him and you're clearly not talking to anyone else. Izzy, even had to call me to make sure you were still alive. This isn't healthy."

"We're going to be late." I pointed out and then bit my bottom lip until I taste blood.

"I don't care." Jace touched my arm and I yanked mine away from him.

"Don't." I turned on him, fire in my veins and venom in my voice. "Don't act like this is something you can fix. I fucked up, I threw away the best possible thing I ever could have had. You know nothing about what I'm going through so drive me to school or I'm walking."

"Alec, yes." Jace clapped his hands. "Let it out. Tell me more. I want to know. I want to help you, but I can't until you let me in."

"Don't you get it?" I laughed, a sickly sound and I knew my blue eyes were watering. "I can't let anyone in. I'm weak and cowardly. I'm afraid of who I am and when I tried to get better I only managed to make everything worse. Magnus doesn't want some broken boy in a closet. No one does. I am nothing. I had a moment of happiness and that's all I get and you know what? That's okay. I didn't even expect that much. I figured I'd die never knowing that there was a world where I could be free even if only in a closet."

"Shit." Jace wrapped his arms around me awkwardly since we were still in the car. His strong arms held me as I tried to push him away. He managed to pull me closer even as I hoped he'd let go. We had never been the kind of friends who hugged. "Let me help you." He whispered and I slumped against his hard chest. The tears fell from my eyes. I would have been humiliated if not for knowing that Jace would never judge me. 

"I just," I was cut off by a sob. "I don't know what to do." I let my arms grip my friend's shoulders as I released a breath and weight from my chest that had been inside far too long.

Jace pulled back and gripped my shoulders tightly forcing me to look into his eyes. "That, my friend, is why I'm here."

"What are you going to do?" I asked him as I pulled back and ran my sleeve over my wet eyes. "Get me new parents?"

"No, I wish, but first it's Friday and you're not going to school." He put his seatbelt back on and started his car. He passed the school and went to the coffee shop that Magnus worked at. 

"No, I can't see him." I almost grabbed the wheel as I was struck with the fear of even seeing Magnus. "Take me to school."

"No." Jace turned into the parking lot next to Magnus bike. Magnus was straddling it when Jace turned off his car. "You need to talk to him. Break up with him or whatever you need to do but you need to talk to him and decide. You can't let your parents end everything when they don't even know what it is. Give him a chance."

"He hates me," I said as I looked past Jace to see Magnus, he looked angry. "Look at him. He doesn't want to talk to me."

"Do I look like I care?" Jace undid my seatbelt. "Go, and let me know if you need me to do anything else for you like cover with your parents."

"What if he says no?" I finally asked the question that had been in my mind all week.

"He won't." Jace gave my knee a squeeze. "And if for some reason he does, then I'll run him over with my car."

I chuckled along with him and finally just did it. I opened the door and ran to Magnus. "Hey."

"Are we talking now?" Magnus gave me a grim look and I considered getting back into the car until he shrugged and handed me a helmet that he kept under the back seat. "Get on."

"Are you sure?" I asked him, looking around.

"Are you?" He cocked an eyebrow at me as a challenge and then his face was hidden by the black helmet. I wanted to tell him that I had never ridden on a motorcycle but instead, I pulled the helmet on with shaky hands and got on behind him.

"Hold tight," Magnus yelled as the bike burst to life. The vibration was enough to scare me. I wrapped my arms tightly around him, linking my hands against his flat stomach. I could feel him rumble with laughter as he slowly backed out of the spot. 

Then we were off. I squeezed my eyes shut as the wind slapped against me. I let him guide my body as he leaned to the right or left. I tucked my head against his back, feeling the clink of our helmets smacking. I kept expecting him to stop but he just kept going so finally I opened my eyes and screamed out my anger. I felt so free and alive. We were on a windy road climbing up a mountainside and in that moment there was no one else, just us. I slowly released my tight grip and let my arms go up in the air.

Magnus released one hand from the handlebar to give my thigh a squeeze before shouting himself. I howled at the sky and then when Magnus turned with the road I let my arms wrap back around him. This was what I wanted. This was going to be my life, no matter what I had to do to get it. I would have it.