Matt and Dylan fooling around, Kristen and Ryan in a middle of conversation while I look down to my half-finished mashed potatoes and steak. Completely lost in appetite after Kristen asked, how did the car accident happen. All the scene replayed at the first time I attempt suicide. Actually, it wasn't. I've swallowed down a whole bottle of sleeping pills, I've drank the bleach liquid, somehow still survives that the tip of my finger still holding on to this life.
"Emma?" my thoughts came to a halt when somebody calls my name.
"yes?" I look up to Matt.
"aren't you going to finish your food?" He asked, pointing to my plate.
"um.. Yeah." I stuttered. Difficult to shrug of the replayed scene in my head.
"so I'm still confused, how did the car accident happen?" Ryan raised an eyebrow at me as I gulp hard.
"yeah, how did Matt hit you? Rumors are telling different stories it confuses me." Dylan added and that's when my fingers constantly trembling. No, please don't talk about this. I mentally begged them to stop this conversation.
"I mean they say Matt was drunk or Matt was too young to drive and Matt was tired, and then they said you weren't looking-" he stopped as soon as I stood up from the chair in an instant.
All eyes shot up at me, their gazes all on me in confusion. I stuttered, I have enough of this conversation to handle. It's to much for me that I want it to be over. I slightly tremble as I look down thinking of an excuse.
"I'm sorry." I realized when the words falls from my mouth my voice cracks. It was noticeably heard.
"what's wrong?" Kristen asked.
"I-uh.. I lost appetite." I stuttered. "sorry." I said as I walk away from the dining table to the living room.
I slump my body onto the couch, inhaling to prevent myself from crying as the scene keeps replaying itself inside my head. Delete button doesn't even exist, how can I forget this past? I'm still stuck inside it. My fingers grabs the soft material on my wrist as I pull it revealing the scars that still looks.. Fresh. The feeling of needing to self-harm again took over me. I need to, I want it, badly, i don't know why, it's a problem to solve, I'm Insane honestly I am. I snap out from my daze when Matt stood in front of me.
"what's wrong?" he asked. "please tell me, I'm here to help."
I recover my scars by pulling down my sleeves back as I force my gaze up from the ground, staring at Matthew's concerned look. He sat down next to me, scooting a little closer as his arms slowly rubbing my back. I take in a deep breathe and releasing it as I feel myself calm down from the emotions that's attacking me.
"I'm just worthless." I frowned, looking down to my fiddled fingers.
"you're not." he replied in a low voice.
"no, look at me. What if they find out that I have scars? That I've been attempting suicide more than once? That my father is Randall Henderson a rapist and a murderer? I will get criticized, and I will breakdown again sooner or later." I sighed, running my hand through my hair. His mouth taped together in thin line, he frowned slightly then look up to me again.
"if they ever find out or judge you, tell me and I'll do my best to help you." he said, holding my hand the sign of trust.
Can I trust people?
And before I open up to every people, I remember what my mom said, "be careful with telling your problems to people. Some are just curious." but Matthew's behavior towards me told me to finally have trust in him, and then there's my smart brain who refuses not to. Naive as it's sound, complicated it is.
I brushed the tears that attempts to escape my eyes as I clear my throat and say, "I hate remembering my past. It breaks me down every second."
A warmth lingers around my body when he decides to pull me into a soothing hug. The feeling of his body so close to mine was foreign to me. I shut my eyes, letting his warmth be the only thing I feel right now as I lean my head on his shoulder blade.
"you don't have to remember a thing, I'll help you, always remember that." he said in a voice louder than a whisper.
Over his shoulder a ghost of figure was seen. Kristen is peeking at us over the door frame, her lips looks as if it curves into a small smile when we made eye contact. Matt pulls away as he held his piercing eyes on me. He tucked a strand of my hair to my ears and caressed my cheek.
He looks so perfect this close.
"Matt, I want to go to bed now, I'm tired." I said as he nods, helping me walk up the stairs.
Walking up the stairs with injured leg is more painful than walking down.
"you want me to carry you again?" he slightly chuckles, noticing me silently whimpering every step I took on the stair case.
"It's not like I'm 5 years old, and you can't keep carrying me around everyday." I playfully roll my eyes at him when he decides to pick up my small body into his arms, ignoring that I’m arguing to not let him carry me all the way up.
"now that we’re already in my room, there’s no point of arguing anymore." he said, placing me down on to his bed.
With one swift, he flew his shirt off across the room, immediately throwing his body to his bed and snuggle his way under the covers as if he's still a baby boy. I raise an eyebrow at him and he chuckles slightly.
"don't you want to sleep as well?" he asked, gesturing me to lay under the covers.
"yeah." I muttered, nodding my head and grab the covers over my body.
The thought of actually sleeping in the same bed with a boy was also foreign to. I try to keep a space between us, comfortable enough for me to drift off to sleep, but turns out my mind was empty to even fall asleep.
What am I doing here?
It wouldn't be safe would it if I stay with him? Without realizing it, Matt's practically had gotten himself into danger knowing that my dad could possibly hunt him down. I face the other way, staring blankly at the window already closed by the curtains. My eyes peer down to the scars that starts to heal on my wrist, but the feeling of wanting to self-harn still strong yet something is holding back the urge. Without realizing, my cheeks had already stained with few drop of tears. Why am I so weak?
It was a prolonged silence, when a raspy sleepy voice was heard, "good night, Emma."
I mutter, attempting to not sound like i was light sobbing, "good night."
~~~~
A/N: hey hey heyy!!! Yoo sup sorry haven't updated but hey look who's back?!
Ok, i changed the title and the prologue. I just want the title to match the stroy line. VOTE!
don't forget(;
YOU ARE READING
Escaping // Matthew Espinosa
Fanfiction“I didn't want to wake up. I was having a much better time asleep. And that's really sad. It was almost like a reverse nightmare, like when you wake up from a nightmare you're so relieved. I woke up into a nightmare.” ― Ned Vizzini, It's Kind of a...
