I feel myself being pulled back to reality as my heavy eyelids motivates itself to open. In my view, was a worry Matt raking his hair while sitting in front of me.
"Emma?!" Matt calls worriedly.
My whole body is way to tired to respond, to even move or anything. I feel numb from all the pain that caused me to be numb. I felt my arms being wrapped with a washcloth and it stings a bit but I never care about the pain. I never do.
"what the hell were you doing last night?! Are you crazy?!" he shook his head disapprovingly at the last night incident.
I finally gather all my body strength to sit up from the bed, feeling my face still freshly stained with tears.
"why did you self harm again?! I thought I already keep you safe here!"
"no." I finally respond, not making an eye contact with him. "no." I repeat again shaking my head as I drag myself out from the bed and into my closet, fetching out all my clothes throwing it carelessly to the floor.
"hey, what are you doing?" he asked, as he stood from the bed. My eyes still busy on the clothes.
"leaving." the words from my voice cracked at the end. I suppress myself from crying violently like last night.
"leaving?! No! Why?! You can't leave it's not safe-"
"and it's not safe for me to stay here!" I shouted.
"not safe?! What do you mean not safe?! You're not even safer out there!" he blanches.
"I have to leave, Matthew." I whispered to mask the fact that I'm trying hard not to cry.
"last night you self harm, and now you're leaving. What's going on Emma?" he asked, as his footsteps was audible for me to know he's walking closer to me. "tell me, Emma."
His hand reaches for my shoulder as my body tenses from his touch, he frowned at how my body responds to his soft touch that used to comfort me. It's out of my mind and out my realization, it tenses itself.
"Emma.." he calls my name softly. Decreasing the distance between us, he held my arm for ressurance but I'm to fast to pull my hand free.
"don't touch me." I whimpered.
"this is unlike you. What's wrong? I thought you promised that you'll tell me everything if anything happens." he said. "Emma, what's wrong."
I shook my head, screwing my mouth shut.
"What's wrong Emma?" he repeats.
I didn't reply.
"Emma." he calls my name sternly. "tell me what's wrong."
I remain silent again. Not knowing what to say.
"god damn it, what the fuck is wrong?!" he asked all out of patience.
I turn around so I'm finally facing him. As soon as my mouth parted, my emotions pours violently. "because I feel like I was never meant to be born, I feel worthless, dirty that's why I self harm! I'm not even meant to be kept, already dirty with sad truth that I never wished ever happen. And I'm not safe around you, Matt. No matter what, I'm dangerous. My dad's out there looking for me! And I'm putting your life into danger! I don't want that to happen, don't you?! I have to leave, I don't belong here." I frustratingly throw more of my clothes to the floor as Matt grabs ahold of my wrist which caused me to wince.
"let me go!" I whimpered.
"no, look at me Emma-"
"just let me go! Aw, you're hurting me!" I cried as he finally releases my arm as I whimper at the pain from my cuts.
YOU ARE READING
Escaping // Matthew Espinosa
Fanfiction“I didn't want to wake up. I was having a much better time asleep. And that's really sad. It was almost like a reverse nightmare, like when you wake up from a nightmare you're so relieved. I woke up into a nightmare.” ― Ned Vizzini, It's Kind of a...
