Finding Her || Ryeji (✅)

Chapter 21

Yeji's POV

I continued with my everyday life, but it feels heavy. I don't have the urge to progress myself to do anything. I was lost. I am not myself; I don't even know who I am right now. And just like in the past, I started to lock myself away again.

I am under my blanket, staring at the ceiling, and my mind is wondering about a certain person with a whisker-like dimples when someone knocked on my door.

"I don't want to eat."

"I am coming in," and with that, I heard a noise coming from a bunch of keys colliding with each other. Not long after, Lia is already by my bedside.

"What are you doing here?"

"Yeddeong, I- "

"Don't call me by that name. Only Ryujin can call me that." I cut her words, rage surging in my nerves upon hearing the pet name was used by someone else other than Ryujin.

"I am sorry, Yeji." Lia said, her head facing the floor.

"What do you want to talk with me?"

"Our wedding is only a week from now, but your mom informed me that you did not even get your dress being measured."

"Do you think I wanted to get married like this? With this unstable mind of mine? I wouldn't want the wedding to be as ruined as my feelings, Lia."

I heard a heavy sigh came from Lia. A real heavy one, the one that I have never heard since I knew her.

"Wait for me outside. I will take my shower first." I finally speak, feeling miserable for treating Lia like this.

Just as I left my bed, I felt a hand gripping my wrist. I turned to Lia and asked her if there is anything wrong with her right now.

"The only thing that is wrong now is you. What have happened between you and Ryujin? You never spoke to me about it since you came back."

"There is nothing to tell you. We just did what we should have did years ago."

"Are you really leaving her?"

"Yes, physically. But she still lives in my heart if you are asking me about that."

Upon hearing no answer, I turned my head towards her and saw a stream of tears are leaving her eyes shamelessly. I quickly walked towards her and hugged her tightly.

"I am sorry, Lia. But I couldn't even help myself."

She sniffled a bit before meeting her eyes with mine.

"That is okay, Yeji. That is the price that I have decided to pay when I agreed to be engaged with you."

I nodded and gave her a weak smile, before entering the bathroom, showering myself. I need to be at least presentable in front of the others.

Once I am ready, we walked to Lia's car which is parked at the underground parking lot under my apartment and headed to the boutique. If I can't make it with Ryujin, I don't want Lia to feel the same with me. Plus, it is Ryujin's last wish that she begged from me, to make Lia and me happy. I tried to be happy, even though it is not with Ryujin. 'I will try my best, Ryuddaeng.'

After the measuring was done, Lia brought me to a mall. This is my very first time exposing myself to the world after locking myself for almost a month. I really didn't have the urge to do so but Lia insisted in taking me out.

"You need to inhale some fresh air. Your room's is not as good as the outside's." Lia replied when I refused to hang out with her.

She then walked me into several shops just to do some window shopping. I couldn't deny the fact that my heart is starting to feel at ease, and better than the past few weeks. And for the first time after a while, I smiled.

Lia then brought me into a restaurant inside the mall when it is dinner time. Once we settled in ordering for our meals, we remained silent, but it is a comfortable silence, not until Lia decided to open her mouth.

"Yeji, may I know what had happened between you and Ryujin?"

I was stunned on her questions. I couldn't restrain my tears from falling from my eyes upon remembering the moments we decided to be fully separated. I cried upon remembering her sad face, begging me to forget her. I couldn't forget the warmth she gave me when she embraces me for the last time. The world is suddenly felt too suffocating for me. The world is trying to kill me.

"Yeji, I am sorry. I am just asking out of curiosity. You can never answer me if you opted to." Lia said while softly caressing my hands that are in hers.

I cried for quite a long time, until I have no more tears to be released. Our meals that was served by the waitress turned cold. Luckily, the restaurant is not being visited by a lot of customers on that day, considering that it is actually a weekday or else, maybe I have been recorded and the video will be spread with headline such as 'A Break Up in Mall' or whatever they are thinking of.

Once I had calmed myself, I apologised to Lia for making such a ruckus during our outing in which she had denied it and hugged me by my side. I didn't even notice since when she had changed her seat from in front of me to beside me.

After we are done with our meal, Lia drove back to my home and dropped me.

"Can I at least tuck you into bed, Yeji? I will leave once you are slept." Lia asked with her pleading eyes once I turned to face her, to thank her for the time she had spent with me.

I sighed and shook my head.

"I need my own space right now, Lia. Plus, I am too tired right now as I have not been at the outside for a month. I need to rest." I denied her request with her soft voice, wanting her to understand that I am not pushing her away, but I really need to rest and have my own space to relax myself.

She nodded before unlocking the door. I thanked her for one last time, and went straight to my apartment, not waiting for her to leave first.

Once I entered my apartment, I quickly head to my room and dove into my bed. Today is too tiring from me. I am tired from faking my smile in front of others, I am tired from walking and most importantly, I am tired with crying.

I once again stared into the ceiling when suddenly something came into my mind.

"I wrote one to Jennie which is the very first letter that I wrote to you. That is before I left, and another one I left it at my parent's house. And the other four were at Jihyo, Jennie, Sons and Jeongyeon's places. Hm whatever. It doesn't matter anymore. What do you want to talk about, Yeji?"

I sit up too quickly that it hurt my spine. I dialled someone's number and waited it to be answered. I gazed my eyes to the clock that was hung on the wall, just to realise that it is not an appropriate time to make a phone call. I decided to hang up the call when suddenly the ringing tone stopped by itself.

"Hello?"