✓ | 𝐔𝐍𝐃𝐈𝐕𝐈𝐃𝐄𝐃 𝐀𝐓𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍 ➳ d. schrute

( viii ) ♡ 𝐚 𝐜𝐫𝐮𝐢𝐬𝐞 𝐢𝐧 𝐣𝐚𝐧𝐮𝐚𝐫𝐲? 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲?

〔𝘶𝘯𝘥𝘪𝘷𝘪𝘥𝘦𝘥 𝘢𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯 ; 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘦𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵〕
〔𝘢 𝘤𝘳𝘶𝘪𝘴𝘦 𝘪𝘯 𝘫𝘢𝘯𝘶𝘢𝘳𝘺? 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺?〕

⋆

TODAY WAS THE DAY that Michael was to reveal the location of a surprise retreat for the employees of his branch. About a week ago, everyone got a memo from Michael indicating that they were going to go 'somewhere special.' In said memo, he indicated to bring various items like a toothbrush and a ski mask. Throughout the days leading up to the announcement, Jim, Willow and Pam theorized outlandish scenarios as to why the employees had to bring said items. And today, everyone was going to find out what Michael was so excited about.

Everybody gathered into the conference room for an impromptu meeting, presumably about the 'big reveal' of the retreat.

"It is now time to unveil the destination of this year's retreat. We are going on a harbor cruise of Lake Wallenpaupack. It's a booze cruise!" Michael announced.

"Alright!" Meredith exclaimed.

"I have a test for business school tomorrow night. Is it okay if I skip the cruise and study for that?" Ryan asked.

"No. This is mandatory. But don't worry, you know what? You're gonna learn plenty. This is gonna turn your life around, Ryan." Michael replied. 

"Michael, a cruise in January? Really?" Willow quipped.

"Hush and enjoy, Willow. It cost less anyway." Michael trailed off.

"Wait, Michael, why did you tell us to bring a bathing suit?" Kelly inquired.

"To throw you off."

"Yeah, but I bought a bathing suit."

"Well, just keep the tags on and you can return it."

"I took the tags off already."

"Well, that's not my fault, okay? Just... we're not going to pay for a bathing suit. Okay, I know what you're all thinking, 'Who is this smart little cookie?' Her name is Brenda... something, and she is from corporate. And she is here, like you, to learn from what I have to say." Michael motioned to a short-haired blonde woman sitting diagonal from him. Everyone silently greeted Brenda as Michael continued the meeting.

"Leadership. The word 'ship' is hidden inside the word, 'leadership,' as its derivation. So if this office is, in fact, a ship, as its leader, I am the captain. But we're all in the same boat, teamwork! Now, on this ship that is the office, what is a sales department? Anyone?" Michael quickly put on a sailor's hat as he pointed to Darryl.

"How about the sales department is the sails?" Darryl answered.

"Yes, Darryl, the sales department makes sales. Good. Let me just explain. I see the sales department as the furnace." 

"A furnace?" Phyllis asked.

"Yeesh, how old is this ship?" Jim piped in.

"How about the anchor?" Pam suggested.

"Ooh! Or the cooking crew?" Willow exclaimed. Pam and Willow started to silently giggle at the latter's comment.

"What does the furnace do?" Phyllis continued.

"All right, let's not get hung up on the furnace. This just... it's the sales. I see the sales department down there. They're in the engine room, and they are shoveling coal into the furnace, right? I mean, who saw the movie Titanic? They were very important in the movie Titanic. Who saw it? Show of hands!" Michael cut everybody off as about half of them raised their hands.