Avowal // pjm [COMPLETED]

Adjusting

Jimin POV

I wipe the tears from my face as I hear Quae walking her female friend to the door. "Call me," Blondie says giving Quae a quick kiss on the corner of her mouth and shutting the door behind her. 

Quae joins me on the sofa and I sniff. "Good time?"

"I'm much more relaxed than I was this morning," she smiles and licks her lips. "Oh hey! You bought the game I was talking about. You up to play?" she leans in looking closer at me.

I turn my head pretending to look at my phone. "Are you fucking crying, Ji? What the hell, man? It's been a month!"

"I'm fine, Quae. I don't feel like playing right now. It's been a long day and I'm going to lay down." I stand to walk towards my bedroom. I feel Quae grab my arm and force me to face her.

"Ji, you told me you would be okay with this. You said you could deal with it but you've done a piss poor job of it."

I blink in my tears and look around the room. "I am trying, but it's not easy. I don't want you to leave again because my life would be in shambles. Please just give me some time to.. adjust."

"You've known I was a lesbian for a decade. How much more time do you need? You're the one who chose to feel this way."

"I didn't choose to feel this way! It just happened and I didn't realize the night we had together would intensify these feelings so much. I don't know what to do with all of it but I'm trying." I pause to close my eyes.

"I knew you would sleep with other people.. women. It just hurt to witness it. I know it shouldn't have but it did. I will adjust, I swear. Just don't give up on me."

"Have you thought of sleeping with someone else?"

I consider her incredulously.

"They said the best way to get over somebody is to get under somebody else." Quae leans her head to the side. I notice a love bite blooming on her skin under the collar of her shirt. My stomach turns.

"It's not the sex, damn it! It's th-" I gulp. Why has it become so difficult to open up to the one person I've always been able to open up to?

"It's the way I feel with you. Being with you makes me feel whole. Having you so close to me was the best feeling I could have ever imagined and I can barely remember any of it! I wish I could go back to that night and not have drank so much so I would always know how it felt to have you near me but at the same time I don't know if I would have so freely opened my mind or my mouth.. or my heart." I study Quae's eyes for some kind of reaction telling me I've yet again messed up.

She steps to me.

I don't move.

She takes another step.

My pulse quickens.

Her eyes bore into mine. Her body is pressed against me and she blinks seductively up to me. "Is this what you want, Ji?'

My lips are drawn to hers but I fight temptation. "Quae, please don't do this. I'm not strong enough for it."

I feel her hands slide up my sides and under my shirt. My breath hitches when her hands caress their way down my abs and begin to unbuckle my belt.

"Have you been drinking today?"

I scowl. "What? No. Why?"

"I don't want to hear about this one night we had that you don't remember for the rest of our lives so I'm giving you a do over. One chance to make a memory you can actually remember."

She removes my belt and unbuttons my jeans. "Take it or leave it. Whichever choice you make will be your memory to live with." She slides her hand into my pants and over the front of my boxers. I hiss. "Looks like somebody has made the decision for you."

"Quae, please don't do this to me." She strokes me over my underwear. I groan. "I ca-can't stop being aroused by you." She strokes harder. "Oh, shit. Please tell me this isn't a joke."

"No joke. Final answer?" Quae leans in planting gentle kisses on my collarbone. I bend to her allowing her easier access. Her gentle kisses turn into sucking on my neck.

I never let any woman mark my neck, but Quae isn't any woman. If she wants to mark me I will openly allow her and ask for another.

I close my eyes and bite my lip. She continues to stroke me while I slip one hand into the front of her shorts and between her thighs. She gasps breaking the suction on my skin. My fingers delve into her warmth only to stop when I come in contact with her opening. I open my eyes to search her face.

"You're not.."

"No, I'm not turned on, Ji. I'm not turned on because I'm gay and no amount of straight sex will change the way it feels when I have sex with a woman." Her eyes are soft begging me to finally understand. 

"Why would you do this?"

"I meant what I said. You'll have to do a lot of prep work like you did before but I will allow you to make your memory. Afterwards, I never want to hear about that night or you adjusting ever again."