Avowal // pjm [COMPLETED]

Taken Into Consideration

2 Years Later..

Quae POV

"Ji, I'm home!" I announce setting the grocery bags down on the counter. As I begin to unpack, I feel the bottom of my shirt lift very carefully and warm soft hands slink around my waist staying in contact with my skin. I instantly exhale with something like relief feeling his skin touch mine. I thought that by now the strength of our connections would have lessened, but it seems they've only increased. As long as it took me to accept, I can't say I mind the feeling sometimes.

Ji's body is pressed close against mine as he kisses me softly on the side of my neck. "Welcome home, baby. What's all this?"

"Well, I thought that since it is our anniversary, what better way to celebrate than food and beer? Grilled steaks sound like a pretty damn good gift, don't you think?" I smile as I turn to face him, placing my hands under the front of his shirt on his abs. Ji moans softly at my touch, his eyes fluttering.

"Do you know what I would really like? Just for today?" He licks his lips, gently biting the bottom one.

"Yes, we'll have sex, too." I laugh and turn back to unpacking the grocery bags.

"Not that. Well, that too, but not that first. I'd really like for my wonderful wife Mrs. Lilith Park to wear her wedding ring."

I sigh softly before nodding. "Okay, I can do that. I'll go get it." I begin to move from Ji's arms when he holds me closer, bringing one hand up in front of my face. He's holding a small blue velvet box.

"I know how you feel about traditional wedding rings, so," he uses his thumb to flick open the box "I bought us new ones. Happy second anniversary, Quae. I love you."

In the box in his hand sit two matching wedding bands, both black with a blue accent. One reads 'Player 1' and the thinner matching band reads 'Player 2'. I gasp. "Ji! They're gorgeous!"

Ji removes my ring and sets the box on the counter. He turns me around and, looking deep into my eyes, says, "Thank you for giving this a chance. You mean everything to me and I feel like the luckiest man in the world." He slips the ring on the ring finger of my left hand and looks at me with tears in his eyes.

"Yours too," I blink back tears of my own as I reach for his ring. I place his ring on his finger and sniff. "Let's make dinner already. I'm starving."

Ji giggles softly, smiling at my left hand, as he continues to unpack the groceries. His movements slow when he pulls out a package and reads the label. "Why do you have a pink balloon, Quae?"

"I, uh, had a session today." I keep my head down as I unwrap the steaks.

"You don't have sessions on Mondays. Did you reschedule an appointment?" He turns to look at me, still holding the balloon.

"No, Ji. Today was my last session. I didn't want to tell you because I wasn't sure, but after nearly two years of therapy, I think I'm ready to let go." He stills beside me. I turn my head to look at him receiving a look in return I wasn't expecting.

"You sure you're ready to let her go? Don't do it because you think you should, baby. Let go when you're ready. Heal first."

"I'm sure. The balloon is self inflating. I thought that after we had dinner, I'd say goodbye for the last time and release it into the sky."

Ji smiles proudly at me, wrapping his arms around my shoulders and kissing my temple. "That sounds like an amazing idea."

We stay cuddled for just a minute before returning to our tasks. There's been something on my mind for the past few months and I feel stupid asking but I want to know. "Can I ask you something?"

"Anything, always. You know that." He grabs a knife and begins to chop vegetables.

"Do you think I'm sexy? Like sexually attractive?" I've never been shy talking about these kinds of things with Ji before but now that he and I are married, somehow it feels different.

"Incredibly. Why do you ask?" he turns to me, popping a chopped piece of carrot into his mouth.

"I was thinking, and out of the twenty or so times we've had sex since we have been together, I've always been the one to instigate it. Why don't you start things sometimes?"

He chuckles and swallows the remaining carrot before replying. "It was nine times. And I know how sex with a man, well me, is still awkward for you and I don't want you to feel uncomfortable when we make love. So, I wait until you let me know you want it. Would you like me to instigate sex occasionally?"

"You've literally counted? How often would you want it if I said yes?"

"Daily. And I'm going to remember all nine times I've had sex in my life." I look at him raising a brow. "No shit. I love being intimate with you." He steps closer to me.

I turn my head away from him. "Have you thought anymore about what we talked about last night?"

Ji groans, dropping his head back. "No, and I'm not going to."

"You should have a kid, Ji. I don't want you to regret -"

"Damn it, Quae. We've been through this before! If I'm meant to have a child it will be with you! I don't want to attempt meaningless sex with some random woman just because I'm getting older. Drop it, okay? I'm done talking about it." He turns back to the vegetables and begins chopping again.

I swallow thickly glancing at my reflection in the glass of the microwave door. "I'm sorry. I'm getting older too, and I know how much you wanted children growing up. We're thirty-four years old and not getting any younger. I don't want you to give that up for me."

"It's not giving anything up if the time isn't right, Quae. Please stop trying to push me off on other women. They don't have my heart and soul nor will they ever. Can't you still feel our connection when we touch?"

"Yes. I've also felt you desire for a child grow, Ji. You know that."

He lays the knife down on the cutting board and places his hands flat on the counter, hanging his head.

"What if I can't give you a child? What if I do get pregnant but I miscarry again? I don't want to disappoint you because I can literally feel how much your soul wants a child. I have felt it every single time that we've been intimate hoping that by some miracle it would happen."

"Quae, I'm-"

"I've seen the way you look at my stomach when you don't think I notice. I know you stroke my belly some nights when you think I'm sleeping and wish for it to be filled. I know these things, Ji! I can feel the things you feel and it hurts!"

He wraps his arms around me protectively and kisses my forehead. "I'm sorry, baby. I can't help feeling the way I do but I never intended for you to feel like I was pressuring you. I am perfectly happy just having you in my life and being able to wake up to you every morning."

I move over to the sink to wash my hands before speaking. "I'm going to start the grill. Just think about it. Please."