SOLUM

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Whilst letting my head sluggishly hang back, staring at the ceiling of my apartment tiredly, I asked my mother "So, mom, how long are you staying?" hoping for an answer that would prove easier for me to lie my way out of the situation, regarding my nonexistent pairing and all.

"Oh? I'm just here stopping by, I won't go to such lengths to break every law sweetie, I'll be gone before anyone starts to notice anything" she replied, a bit too casually for my taste, an estimated time would've been a lot better, even if it would end up being a bit off, it would at least make it easier for me, since I'd be able to live my fake life while knowing that I'd soon be able to relax once again, not having to care about breaking my mother's heart with the sad reality.

"Okay" I hummed, walking over to my bedroom, placing sir Goldie von Hamilton on my bed... before realising that it was in fact a queen... I hurriedly rushed out of my bedroom again, trying to act neutral as I closed the door shut, not wanting to make my mother's inquisitive nature to get the better of her and snoop around even further.

When I rested my back against the bedroom door, she smiled at me knowingly, jutting her hip out whilst crossing her arms across her chest. I knew what she was gonna do, what she was gonna say, what I didn't know was what I was gonna reply to it. I never knew, it was always a game of shooting the ball back and forth, without knowing how hard or where the other was gonna shoot and my mother had always been very good at remaining unpredictable, much to my own dismay.

"You and your man's room, huh?" she questioned and I nodded, doing my best at acting as calm as I possibly could, but my mom would prove to be too curious for her own nature, as she just a second later, decided to try and pry me away from the closed off room, but I held my ground... somewhat. We were the same size and she was actually a rather robust woman, being able to make me work for the wooden door to remain closed.

"Mom, seriously, please give me and my pair some sense of privacy" I made up on the spot and she huffed at me with a pout... again with the pout? When would she stop trying to guilt trip me into giving in? She always played the same tactic, always, mainly because she knew it worked... but me doing this was for her own good, so that she wouldn't have to feel as if she somehow failed me, because she absolutely hadn't. 

It was all on me, I was the problem.

"Always so secretive" she mumbled under her breath and I raised my brow at her, crossing my arms, just like she was doing, which finally made her take a step back and instead started walking down the narrow hallway, towards the living room. A safe spot, since one couldn't tell that I was living along merely by my couch, even though it was small, it was still enough to fit two decently sized human beings. She sat down on it, looking around the room with a rather judgmental face, but I knew she wouldn't comment on it, since it wasn't hers to begin with and therefore couldn't make me change it for her own peace of mind.

"Anyways sweetie, me and your father just wanted to make sure that you're doing alright" she explained, once again and I nodded, leaning on the wall, not feeling safe with having my mom closer to my bedroom than myself, so I made sure to be in between the two, just in case she'd get some crazy idea to make a run for it and try and pry herself inside... maybe I should've installed a lock on the door? Just in the worst case scenario?

"I don't know if you've been in contact, but your brother has recently moved into a small villa in a picturesque suburban neighborhood, very quaint" my mother commented, still scanning every centimetre of the interior, which only made my pulse heighten feeling as if maybe she'd find a flaw or mistake which would give away my failure of life... but what would actually happen if that was the case? I was doing my absolute best to keep my big secret, but how would she actually react to it if I told her the truth?

I'd be rather shocked if she actually got angry with me, or maybe she would become slightly agitated at first, not understanding why'd I ever hide something like that from her, but then I bet she'd just blame herself, I don't think she'd be able to do anything if she knew I was leading an unhappy life, not seeing any colours or joy in anything. It wasn't as if she could do anything about it, it was against the law to meet up with the people who had raised you, the government had issued that many generations ago. She was already doing something against the rules by just being in my apartment.

I knew why though, she wanted me safe, she wanted to make sure that her little kid was as cheerful as always and that was what she was gonna see too, because that was all that I was gonna show her. I knew her inside and out and if she did find out, I could bet both my kidneys on the fact that she'd force me to move back in with her and dad... but I don't want her to get in trouble for me, not for my sorry ass' sake.

"Mom, you should head back" I mumbled, holding my arms around myself in an unconscious self soothing manner, feeling a bit bad for trying to get her to go away... but it truly was because I only ever held her own best interest in mind, even if I was hurting.

Because, I truly was hurting and I was so painfully aware of it that I no longer wanted her to be there, because it felt as if I would break down if I let the seconds tick by, because she was my mommy, the one who'd been there to comfort me when I was sad, but now I wasn't allowing myself to let her do that, I couldn't allow myself to do such a thing, because she shouldn't have to do that as an aging woman. She should live happily with her own pairing, living the rest of her life joyously with dad... not worrying about me.

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