LOVE SONG! [YiZhan FF]✔️

-12- Watchful eye

-12- Watchful eye

Our night ended when my phone rang for the third time that morning. It was not even 7 am and for the third time my mother tried to call me. Only to tell me she and my father had a fight, again, of course. The reason for that shocked me a little. Because she explained to me: "Your father told me that you now like men. Yibo, this is a joke, right? You don't really like men. Or is that why you've never had a girlfriend?"

Luckily Zhan had already gotten up and gone to the kitchen, because my mom wasn't talking, she was almost screaming. So it would have been audible to him too.

I explained to her that I've probably always had a crush on men, but never met the right one, that I could have fallen in love with. I also told her that I have now met this one man and that I know am in love with him and want to be with him. Whereupon my mother once again pretended to cry and told me that I could not do this to her. And then she really asked me: 'How am I going to explain this? That would be your social ruin!"

Not only did I never care about society, I told her I didn't care what anybody else thought. Besides, even my father is behind me and my brother.

Maybe I should explain at this point that my parents couldn't be more different and so are their opinions. The marriage of the two had been more or less arranged at that time. She was the only candidate in his year at university who wanted to become a doctor and was good-looking. After their third date, their parents decided that they should get married.

My mother became a family doctor and later opened her own practice. She had a hard time with our relatives because none of them liked her being -only- a family doctor. Even my father found it hard, and always found it hard to protect her from his relatives. Although her relatives always said my father is -only- a psychiatrist. But even so, my parents were always a very quarrelsome couple who rarely shared an opinion.

And now my mother decided that my homosexuality was inappropriate and a social suicide. But fortunately I never gave much weight to her entrenched ideologies and therefore I don't care what she thinks. Anyway, she and I never had the warm relationship between a mother and her son that people would expect. We just do not get along with each other.

When my conversation was finally over after almost 45 minutes, I went into the living room where Zhan had already prepared breakfast. The kitchen is too small to eat there.

Somehow Zhan was very quiet that morning. Was the kiss perhaps uncomfortable for him? Should I write to him and ask about it?

I didn't ask because I didn't know how to ask. Maybe we just needed some more time. Because this was all new to him and me. And it was the first kiss, for both of us. Neither he nor I had ever been with anyone else before. So I decided to do nothing for now and give us some time.

On the long drive back, I drove this time while Zhan slept most of the time. And when we finally got home, my father was waiting for us. He also wanted to tell me about the fight with my mother.

Zhan asked me if I would let him use his car for a while because he wanted to visit his cousin. I thought it was a good idea, considering what my father was about to tell me. So I gave him the car keys and he left pretty quickly.

My father asked me if anything had happened. I shook my head and told him about our trip. "Ah, that was very clever of him to show you and explain everything. This creates a basis of trust and shared memories. I think he's trying to give you time to get to know him better, to build up trust in him and to take some pressure off you because you can't talk to him."

Then I told my father about our kiss and he patted me on the shoulder and said, "I'm happy for you son. I'm glad you two have become so close." Then he told me about his fight with my mother and I told him she'd already called and reproached me. Whereupon my father just said I just shouldn't let her stop me from doing what I want to do and keep getting closer to Zhan and letting my feelings run free.

It's still strange how kind and understanding my father has been to me lately. Apparently, there are more sides to and in him than I had ever thought.

Since we have another gig at P18 this weekend, I met up with the others in the garage. We rehearsed for about two hours and then sat together for a while and talked. In the end only Wooseok and I were left because the others left and Seungyoun was tired and went to sleep. Yes, he and Wooseok live together.

Wooseok looked at me for a while and then said, "Have you confessed your feelings to the bartender yet?" I was totally shocked.

"I, um. How did you know?"

"You know I have a watchful eye, and I noticed how you always look at the bartender. If you haven't done it already, you should probably tell him how you feel. He looks really fucking hot and you're certainly not the only one who's interested in him."

Since Wooseok and his Watchful Eye couldn't be cheated and I was glad it was him who noticed and not Seungyoun, I just told him all about Zhan and me. I also told him how we spent the last days together and told him about the kiss.

"For now, the kiss is secondary. You said you knew you could sing to him?"

"Mn. Right. After the guy told me about himself and how he could get over his blockage because he could sing to his best friend. I remembered this one gig we did. I kept looking at him while I was singing."

"Then you should try this. Write a song for him and tell him what you want to say."

"That's what I'm going to do. But what kind of song should it be?"

"What kind? Of course, a love song. After all, you want to tell him how you feel."

"I've never written a love song before. I don't know if I can do it."

"I'm sure you'll manage. You should try it at least."

"Mhh, yeah. Okay. I'll give it a try. Wish me luck."

I took a cab home. Zhan was already there, but about to go to bed. He told me he'd help up at the bar this weekend. And asked me not to report him to his parents. He wished me good night and wanted to go to his room. But I couldn't let him go like that, so I hugged him and gave him a little kiss.

As I sat in my room, I sat down on my bed with a writing pad and thought about what I wanted to tell Zhan. I started writing the lyrics. I only wish I could sing the song to him at our next gig. But unfortunately it won't happen. Because first of all the love song has to be written and then we have to find and rehearse a suitable sound.

Hopefully Zhan will realize that the song is only for him. And hopefully he can wait for me until then.