Choices and Chances(Completed)

Chapter 51

I did not go to work the next because I feel so drained, I stay at home looking at my childhood photos and reminscing. I allow myself to cry just for today, I need to let this out or else I will explode.

Now I understand why I always sleep in my room alone even I would tell her how afraid I was with loud thunders. I can now understand why she b=never bring me to school, or watch my performance, help me with my home work, she was never showy at me because there is nothing to show.

But I am still thankful for those rare times that she allowed me to help her cooking in the kitchen. I remember when I was a kid I always tell her that I will build my own house with the biggest kitchen where she can cook. She would just smile and say "Try to learn how to read multiply first" because I am not that good in math.

I can now understand why Manag Rosa keeps me company whenever I'm sick even she's just in another room. I cannot remember an instance she comb my hair or help me dress up. It is always Manang Rosa, I just thought she's busy and tired with work but the truth is she really don't want to do it for me. I understand now.

I didn't know I fell asleep until I heard the doorbell rang that awakes me. It was Faye. I texted her earlier this morning about what happened.

We talked about it over dinner and I can say that I am proud of myself because I didn't shed a single tear. I can even talk about it without getting startled, I guess crying my heart out the whole day helps a lot.

I just wish it didn't affect my baby. Speaking of baby, two more weeks and I can finally know the gender of my baby. Faye, wants to come with me so she can arrange some gender reveal slash baby shower party. She is actually more excited than I am, if you would ask me I'd rather tell our friends directly, like sending them the copy of ultrasound or simply message them on our group chat or call them via video chat. But my dear friend insists and as my baby's ninang I said yes.

Faye, will sleep here tonight to make sure I am okay. But the truth is she just want to see my baby move inside me.

Unlike with Rick, my baby seems shy. It doesn't move when other people is holding my bump. That's why Faye keeps on placing her hand on my belly to feel it, but even after so many tries she still didn't find the right timing. My baby will move when she removes her hand.

Baby pa lang ang bully na ha. Madaya naman, ako ang favorite ninang per okay Rick lang nagpapakitang gilas.

Girl, malamang daddy niya yun.

Naks, daddy? Kinikilig ako girl.

Ewan ko sa'yo, ang sabi ko daddy NYA, may NYA. Wag ka nga.

Defensive much? Pero alam mo okay rin naman yung plano eh, kapag nakaalis na sila Trish edi back to normal na? Diba?

Naaawa ako sa bata girl, alam mong alam ko feeling ng kulang sa magulang as much as possible ayokong may iba pang makaranas nun.

So si baby mo okay lang?

Girl, hindi –

Kutusan kita you want? You're depriving you baby to have a complete family. Ano ba?

If I allowed it, I am still depriving someone to have a complete family.

Girl, think! If you don't get back with Rick, Trish would still migrate. Rick will be left alone. Trish will be with son living abroad. And you living alone with your baby. Masaya yon?

Eh kasi naman, nakakaguilty na masaya kami ditto tapos sila doon –

Sasabunutan na kita eh, that's their choice! Trish choose to stay away from complications, besides hindi naman porket lilipad yung mag-ina hindi na si Rick yung tatay, he can still support the baby, he can still see the baby and communicate with them. He can eve have a vacation there to see them or sila Trish ang pupunta ditto. Girl, it's time for you to be happy. Choose yourself this time. Lagi kang naiiwanan diba? Kasi wala kag choice eh. But this time nasayo lahat mg desisyon. Think about it, made a good decision kjust thinking of your baby's welfare. Yun lang muna.

Faye is right; this is not just about me but my baby's welfare. Because of that I already know what decision to make. I know I am making the right choice. I just need to wait for the right time.

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