prologue

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I am sitting in the dark crying and being disappointed at myself. It's so dark, that I can't even see my hand in front of my eyes.

What was I thinking? That this is the life, I will live for the rest of my life? A life without problems and worries.

That's not how the rollercoaster, called life, works. Because life fucking sucks! It's unfair and hard. Why am I even living it, when nobody cares?

What would Kurt think of me? I'm sure he'd be disappointed. He doesn't deserve someone like me, he maybe doesn't want someone like me. He won't even recognize me anymore.

Who did I become? I don't know, if this is really me.

And what about my father? Poor, little faggot of a son. That's what he sees in me, nothing else. If I could just be as famous or as straight as my brother. He would be so proud of me, without any doubt.

I pull the sleeves of my baggy sweater over my wrist and wipe away my tears and try to reassure myself a little bit.

But most importantly, what would my mother think of me? She always supported me, but I don't think she'd be proud of this little misery, I've became.

I don't like being myself anymore, I don't even like living anymore. I feel like I am never enough, like I am worthless. I don't deserve to live anymore, I don't want to deserve it. Maybe this world is better without me, at all.

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