Strictly Inappropriate (RDJ FanFic)

Part 36 - Bittersweet

We all know Mondays are the worst but there's something about this Monday that makes it even worse. Maybe it's the fact that I want to talk things out with Malcolm and I can't find him all day. I'd rather find him in the kitchen or during the lunch break but since I can't ill eventually have to visit his office. Or maybe it's the fact that Downey looks perfect today and I want to grab and kiss him hard. I can't do that either, not at ease anyway so I'm just sitting impatiently hoping for one of these things to happen.

Deciding that I can't take it anymore I find every sign of determination I have and go over to Malcolm's office. I knock on his door and he lets me in. He raises his eyes from his desk to the door and when he sees it's me he gulps and sighs.

"Can we talk?" I ask calmly.

"I don't think there's anything to talk about" he sounds disappointed.

"Let me do the talking then. I just want you to hear me out. Please" I sound a lot more like I'm begging than I actually want to.

"Fine" he finally agrees after a couple of seconds of silence.

I fake smile and take a seat in front of his desk. He puts some papers out of his way and rests his hands on his desk.

"I'm sorry I hurt you like this, it was really not my intention. I thought I could forget about him and move on with you. I really wanted us to work, you're great and you deserve so much better than me. You deserve someone who knows what she wants and shows you the same amount of respect that you show her" I say believing every word.

"Well, thank you" he says chuckling.
"I don't know what else to say to you, Olivia. You shocked me. I mean, sleeping with a married man? A man who's wife you've met? I don't know, everytime I think about it I can't believe it's true" he shakes his head.

"I know that I did something terrible, you don't have to remind me of that again" I say getting defensive.

"I'm sorry, I just can't get my head around it. At least you took the right decision to cut him off"

"Yeah" I say slowly and bite my lip nervously.

"You did cut him off, right?" he asks seriously.

"I don't want us to talk about Downey, alright? I'm here to ask you to think about your transfer before taking any rushed decisions" I avoid his question.

"I've thought about it well, don't worry about me. After this week you probably will never see me again, you can be with him freely" he exhales sharply.

"If you really want to leave, okay. Just don't leave because of him and I"

"Like I said I've thought about it and besides, I can't stay in this building and see his face everyday. He makes my blood boil" he hisses.

"Fine" I sigh.

I can't disagree with that, I'm sure he hates Downey. He probably thinks it's his fault that we didn't work out but I'm the one to blame for that. I hope he understands it when he calms down.

"So will you seriously continue seeing him? Being the third person in his marriage? That's what you think you deserve?"

"I'm not sure about anything right now, Malcolm. Don't think that this was easy for me" I defend myself again.

"I hope he realizes how lucky he is having you so attached to him. But I doubt it, Olivia. You'll come to your senses soon enough" he says.

"Thank you for opening your heart to me, Malcolm but I think we have to end this conversation now. I just wanted to let you know that I'm really sorry for how things ended between us and that if someone's to blame that's me" I answer and stand up.

"I'm sorry, too" he says disappointed and since none of us seems to be eager to say something else I turn my back and walk out of his office.

I rest my back against his door when I close it and exhale deeply. God, this conversation make me feel sad, it ruined my mood. My eyes catch Downey who seems to be talking with Claire but his focus is clearly on me and the fact that I was in Malcolm's office. Claire is speaking but all Downey is doing is nodding his head at her while looking at me. He moves his head in a way that tells me to meet him in his office so I go over and when he's done with his conversation we get inside his office together.

"Everything okay?" he asks, probably seeing on my face that something's off.

"I just don't have a great mood, that's all" I shrug.

He looks like he's thinking of my answer as he takes a few steps forward and finally sits on his couch. I follow his lead and sit next to him.

"What were you doing in his office?" he asks.

"I went to apologize for how I treated him" I reply.

"And why did he make you feel like that? What did he say?" his eyes have the coldest look.

"Don't worry about it, I just felt bad for everything I put him through" I say and rest my hand on his knee.

"You can be damn sure I'll worry about it. If he called you names of anything he'll be sorry about it. Just let me know" he's looking deep into my eyes.

"He didn't disrespect me in any way. He simply pointed out how wrong this is that I'm doing" I sigh and pull my hand back onto my lap.

"Were you happier when you cut me off? I know I wasn't and I'm pretty sure you weren't either" he says and I can only shake my head no.

"Focus on that, then. We make each other happier, that's the important thing, right?" he asks softly.

"Yeah, I guess" I say innocently.

He seeks the opportunity and leans closer to me, connecting his lips with mine. We move them in perfect sync for as long as we can. It actually helped me feel better.

"I haven't felt like this for anyone in a very long time, Liv" he says softly while we're both laying together with our backs on the couch.

"Me too" I reply and smile, thinking of how much I'm falling for him.

But then I immediately think how bad this is. I'm falling for a man I can't have. He practically belongs to someone else. Someone who thinks he's the right one. The one she'll spend her whole life with. The smile on my face quickly fades away and Downey notices it.

"What happened?" he asks worried.

"Reality" I reply and look away.

"I thought the reality is that we're happy" he says confused.

"You know who else is happy? Your wife" I answer and he exhales slowly.

"You knew I had a wife from day one" he throws his hands in the air desperately.

"Yes, but I didn't know I'd get so attached to you" I feel my emotions coming out so I breathe out to avoid getting too emotional.

"Me neither. But here we are, both wanting to be together. Why can't we do that?" he asks standing up after me.

"Because I can't be with a married man. It's not going somewhere" I shut my eyes as I feel them getting teary.

"We'll figure something out" his hand rests on my cheek, caressing it with his thumb.

"There's not much to figure out, Downey. Unfortunately it seems like we want different things" a tear finally escapes my eyes and he wipes it.

"Just let me think it through, okay?" he says clearly being emotional too.

He's not teary, his voice isn't shaky, but I can see it. His eyes are softer, more genuine.

"Okay" I reply quietly, not being very optimistic about his reaction.

We kiss again, slowly and passionately with his hand caressing me the whole time. When we break it I take a few moments to calm myself down and when I'm ready I leave the office and I'm sure we both have the same bittersweet feelings left.

A/N
My exams are over so I'll try to get to writing more! Next chapter is gonna be better than that, promise🥰