Mali

Chapter Nineteen: Present

We walked down the desolate street with only the sounds of the crunching snow. It was silent otherwise, awkwardly silent.

Street lamps flickered as we walked by, each passing alleyway was dark and empty, yet I had a sinking feeling the next one would have something within it. My heart would even skip a beat.

Ryder kept his gloves off. Every once in a while you'll see a ball of light from his hands, and that's all he needed to keep warm. I'm still too shaky about using them again.

Everything that I've learned and seen what I can do has made me fear myself. All because of Digby and that stupid place of hers. I'm just too scared to ever use them again because of her.

Ryder noticed me starring at him, "You know you can do that too?", he was talking about using my powers.

"I could, but I'm not.", I retorted.

Like I said, I'm not ready or soon to be ready.

I could see the apartment building twenty feet ahead of us. The idea of being inside and warm kept me from thinking about me using my powers.

Ryder tapped my shoulder to get my attention, "Hey, I think I dropped my key while ice skating. I'll be right back.", he said.

"No worries, I got mine.", I pulled it out from my pocket to show him.

But, he was already running back to the rink. Strange. I wouldn't think he just run back there like that? Maybe, he needed to get something else.

I turned back around and started walking heading for the building.

I continued to look down each alleyway, like a safety precaution for myself, but I didn't think it was needed.

The next alleyway I passed something grabbed my shoulder, my bad shoulder, and shoved me to the ground. Pain coursed throughout my body. Sending tiny pricks up and down.

The same forced picked me up off the ground and shoved me against the wall. I was being lifted up and pushed harder against the wall.

I was barely able to breathe. It was as if something heavy was sitting in the center of my chest.

Through the pain, I managed to open my eyes and see the threat.

It was a man, with a scraggy brown beard and devilish brown eyes. He was set on hurting me and wasn't going to let go of me anytime soon.

I know what has to come next, but I dared myself not to ever do it again. Afraid I would hurt someone I cared about again, but in this instance it needed to be done...

I pulled down on my arm in the sling until the strap snapped and it was free. I reached over to my other hand and pulled the glove off.

In one swift action I imagined what I wanted, just as I do when I need them. I could see my hand on fire in my mind, having it be as hot as any fire I could produce. I looked him straight back in the eyes as I slapped him. Keeping my hand still on his cheek to give him the pain back.

The man screamed and cried out in pain. He released me and I came crashing to the ground.

I looked up and he was on the ground too. Holding his hands over where I touched him.

I pushed myself up, back onto my feet, "Get out of here!", I yelled at him, "Go away!!"

He stumbled to his feet and high tailed it in the other direction. I watched him run as he continued to tramp around, dazed from what has happened to him.

What I have done to him.

I could feel my cheeks and eye swell with tears. I swore to myself that I would never use them again and I broke it.

I said, "We are never using them again, Zara, they are only lead to pain and tragedies. Never. Again.", I said it and I meant it.

If Ryder hadn't left me, I wouldn't have had to do that! He would have done it, protect me like he has always done, but not now. He left me to run back to get his "keys" or whatever the hell he did go get.

Before I knew it, I was up against the wall again, crouching on the ground, and with my head in between my hands and knees.

Digby was right, the world is going to break me, destroy me, damage me...just like it already has done.

I was sobbing at this point, my cheeks burned from the cold, and my eyes stung. The pain in my shoulder was blocked out from what I am doing now. Nothing mattered to me now. I broke all of it, everything I said not to do I did.

Something else came up to me and touched my shoulder, I know it was Ryder, but I swat it away and jumped up on my feet.

"Don't touch me!", I barked at him, "Don't touch me!"

"What happened?", he tried talking to me, but I didn't listen.

"You! That's what happened.", I shouted, "The whole reason I am here, the reason any of us are here is because of you!"

"What are you-", I interrupted him.

"If you hadn't stopped those bullies from attacking me that day in the woods, I wouldn't be here! If you hadn't stopped and talked to me, I wouldn't be here! If we hadn't shaken hands, I wouldn't be here!", everything that has built up over these past two years was coming out. Both good and bad, but I could not care at this moment.

"I hate you Ryder Barker! I hate you for this! For all of this!!", I snapped at him, making my final turn and running for the apartment.

Before I could even reach the other side of the street I knew that shouldn't have happened. Any of it, all of it.

What have I done...?