nytis
"what a liar," jihoon chuckled bitterly. "i wasn't even allowed to attend his funeral. they didn't even accept letters and gifts." the boy sighed and stared off blankly at the children, slowly trickling out of the dining hall.
throughout the entire story, soonyoung never spoke a word. occasionally something would shift across his face but nothing else. the two boys sat in silence, waiting for the other person to speak first.
"actually- ignore it. ignore everything i just said, i... " jihoon said, breaking the silence. "i don't know what i was thinking. it's stupid right? staying in this orphanage must really be getting to me."
"it's not stupid," soonyoung blurted out quickly, "it was just.. lots to take in." he paused, "sorry about kitae. he sounded like a wonderful person."
"it's fine." jihoon laughed thickly, "all of it happened years ago." the boy sniffed a little, "now can we not talk about him? i don't like.. thinking about it." he finished quietly, eyes dancing everywhere except soonyoung. jihoon patted his cheeks. he was getting emotional and he hated it when he did. "sorry, i'm not usually like this- it's stupid, i know. i'm gonna head out for a bit, i'll.. it won't take long."
not looking back at soonyoung, the boy quickly rushed out. what's wrong with you? he scowled to himself while pacing around the side of the building. he took in a couple of deep breaths, get yourself together, you're not seriously gonna cry because of some stupid memories. jihoon looked at the ground, clovers. his vision started getting blurry.
"no, no, no!" he muttered, tilting his head to the sky. "you've held it in for so long lee jihoon, don't you dare-
suddenly, a pair of arms reached forward and pulled jihoon into a warm hug. "you've held it in for so long, so it's time to let it out." jihoon blinked and lowered his head, getting greeted with soonyoung's face.
jihoon tried wiggling out of soonyoung's hold but failed miserably. "what are you doing here?" he croaked out, "go back inside." soonyoung didn't move, arms still wrapped securely around his body.
"you've worked hard, keeping everything inside for so long. you can rest now."
those were the words that jihoon really didn't want to hear. because he knew that if he did, the tears he had been holding in for so long would start falling. the boy closed his eyes and clenched his teeth. "shut up... just shut up." trembling was evident in his voice.
"it's ok jihoon, it really is."
"you know, i hate you." he said, blinking his eyes furiously. "i just needed a few more minutes and then i would've been good. i..hate you, i really do, i.." tears slowly started dribbling out of jihoon's eyes. "s-soonyoung i- hate this. i really do."
soonyoung smiled, pulling jihoon in a tighter hug, "what, crying? it's something humans do when they're sad." jihoon gave no response and continued to cry, gripping onto soonyoung like there was no tomorrow.
so many tears... you can finally let them go, jihoonie.
a few minutes later after his little sob fest, jihoon was starting to come back to his senses. "don't turn around!" he called out to soonyoung. the silver haired boy was sitting on the ground with his back facing jihoon.
jihoon was absolutely mortified by the events earlier. the crying (although he had to admit, he felt much lighter afterwards), gripping onto soonyoung and wetting the other's shirt... jihoon didn't know if his cheeks were red from the embarrassment or the crying.
"can i turn around now?"
"no!" jihoon said a little too loudly. "no, you can't." he started fanning his face, hoping that the colour would disappear soon. the children were probably looking for him, he didn't want to spend more time outside but he also didn't want to greet them with puffy red eyes. "mm.. sorry. for the shirt" he eyed, soonyoung's wet shoulder ".. and for everything."
"stop apologizing!" soonyoung huffed, "this is like your fifth apology?" he then added, "there's nothing wrong with your actions and," soonyoung turned his head and glanced at jihoon, "there's nothing wrong with how you look right now."
meeting soonyoung's eyes, jihoon's cheeks flushed red once again. "hey! stop looking!" the boy only laughed.
"you look fine, a little cold water on your face and no one will be able to tell." he reached out and patted down jihoon's hair and smoothed out his shirt. "jihoon," he started, "i've been thinking about things," he pulled back his hand, "more specifically, about the things you said.. i have a question for you."
"what is it?"
"have you really quit dreaming? have you seriously lost your dreams?"
"well.." of course i have. i did a long time ago. those words should have been easy to say, they were supposed to fall out of his mouth without any hesitation because they were true. so why couldn't he answer soonyoung's question.
soonyoung smiled a little when jihoon didn't answer. "if you ask me, i'd say that you haven't."
"that's ridiculous.." jihoon said, not sounding too sure of himself.
"mm.. i don't think so," soonyoung said teasingly, "i've seen the way you act in those rare moments when you talk about your dreams." it's beautiful, "you can deny it as much as you want but we both know that they're still in you. i think you're just too scared to chase after them."
"i'm.." not scared? am i scared?
"but that's okay, because we've got time, jihoonie." the corners of soonyoung's eyes pointed upwards, "it's scary when you see them fall apart in front of you. and maybe that's all you've seen. but i want to show you how amazing they are when dreams come true."
