𝐔𝐍𝐃𝐄𝐑𝐂𝐎𝐕𝐄𝐑 || rini au

06. she used to be mine

𝙞𝙩'𝙨 𝙣𝙤𝙩 𝙚𝙖𝙨𝙮 𝙩𝙤 𝙠𝙣𝙤𝙬

𝙞'𝙢 𝙣𝙤𝙩 𝙖𝙣𝙮𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙡𝙞𝙠𝙚 𝙞 𝙪𝙨𝙚𝙙 𝙩𝙤 𝙗𝙚

𝙖𝙡𝙩𝙝𝙤𝙪𝙜𝙝 𝙞𝙩'𝙨 𝙩𝙧𝙪𝙚, 𝙞 𝙬𝙖𝙨 𝙣𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧 𝙖𝙩𝙩𝙚𝙣𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣'𝙨 𝙨𝙬𝙚𝙚𝙩 𝙘𝙚𝙣𝙩𝙚𝙧

𝙞 𝙨𝙩𝙞𝙡𝙡 𝙧𝙚𝙢𝙚𝙢𝙗𝙚𝙧 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙜𝙞𝙧𝙡

== r i c k y 's p o v ==

ricky and nini's temporary living space in paris, france

after an exhausting first day at work--which was mostly just full of carlos bossing us around--i'm relieved to have a taxi driver who speaks english, which gets me home quickly. i quietly open the door, just in case nini's already asleep. instead, she's in the tiny kitchen, stirring something on the stovetop. i stand in the doorway for a moment, smiling. it's funny, you know? i always thought i'd be living with nini, coming home after work to see her making us dinner. now here i am, but not in that way.

"how long are you planning on standing there?" she says, without having to look back at me while she makes dinner.

"jesus, how do you do that?!" i say with a laugh as i set down my bag by the door and walk over to the kitchen, leaning against the countertop.

"again, we're world class spies," she laughs. we're making casual conversation now, at least? progress.

"what're you making?" i ask.

"fettuccini alfredo," she tells me, "apparently, that's more of an american thing? it was kind of hard to find." that's my favorite. did she do that on purpose?

"did you-"

"no. i just was really craving it, okay?"

i'm not stupid. i know this doesn't mean anything. i can't help but grin though, because it smells amazing, and there's the tiniest chance nini made it for me. she turns her head and immediately notices, swatting at my arm.

"stop it."

"i'm not doing anything!"

"stop making that face!" nini says, obviously holding back a smile.

"what face?!"

she jokingly rolls her eyes as she grabs two bowls from the cupboard, setting them down next to the stove.

"have you seen the ladle?"

"oh, it's up here," i say, coming up behind her and slowly reaching up to the cabinet right above her head, grabbing the ladle.

"i know what you're doing, you know." i give her a confused look while she pours the alfredo into the bowls.

"i don't know what you're talking about."

"i think you do, and it's not going to work," she says, handing me my dinner. i take a seat at the island table while nini stands on the other side, leaning against the counter as we eat. we make small talk for a while, which is something that strangely comes so naturally after not talking for eight years.

== n i n i 's p o v ==

"so, how has jacksonville been?" i laugh, taking another bite of my dinner.

"what do you have against florida?!"

"i don't know, it just seems so weird to me that you'd end up there. wait, what do you even do?"

"i'm studying philosophy."

"where do you work?"

"i don't, actually."

"so you're unemployed?"

"no, just pre-employed," ricky jokes, which makes us both burst into laughter.

"wow, yes, of course."

"what about you? i'm assuming you moved to los angeles to get your big break," he says, which makes my face drop. i forgot about my old dreams.

"no, um, i haven't actually written a song since..you know.."

"oh."

"yeah."

"but that's your dream, nini. you just gave up?" is he serious?

"was my dream. it's not mine, really, it's past nini's. i don't dream that big anymore."

"well, you should. you can't just spend your life just getting by, you have to dream big. plus, your voice is like.."

the nerve he has just to keep bringing this up.

"that's enough."

"i'm just saying, you need to let loose a little. back in high school--"

"no, you know what, ricky? i'm just gonna stop you right there. you don't get to have an opinion."

"what?"

"i used to be stupid enough for all of your bullshit. i used to ignore all of the red flags, because i was naive enough to think i was happy."

"nini-"

"i'm not finished," i say, putting my bowl in the sink, "i'm only going to say this once--you ran away the second someone asked you to commit to something. and you just don't get to come back, because i'm not like how i used to be."

"that's not what-"

"i went away, got smarter, and stopped letting people treat me like shit. and it only took eight years. so yeah, i am not the least bit sorry for how i chose to get over it! sorry if that's not dreaming big enough for you, but i am not the same stupid, naive girl you dated in high school. she's SO gone, ricky. grow up."

well, shit.

i didn't mean for everything to just spill out like that-i'm just so sick of everyone comparing me to my high school self. i'm fine the way i am, and i don't need to let loose. yes, i gave up on my dream when ricky broke up with me. but trust me, those two events were completely unrelated. really. i just happened to come to the realization that it was never realistic for me to want to become a singer/songwriter at the same time ricky reacted poorly to one of my songs. okay? okay.