𝐔𝐍𝐃𝐄𝐑𝐂𝐎𝐕𝐄𝐑 || rini au

22. girls

𝙞 𝙩𝙤𝙡𝙙 𝙝𝙚𝙧 𝙛𝙧𝙤𝙢 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙨𝙩𝙖𝙧𝙩

𝙙𝙚𝙨𝙩𝙞𝙣𝙚𝙙 𝙩𝙤 𝙗𝙚 𝙝𝙖𝙧𝙙

𝙞 𝙩𝙤𝙡𝙙 𝙝𝙚𝙧 𝙛𝙧𝙤𝙢 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙨𝙩𝙖𝙧𝙩

𝙞'𝙡𝙡 𝙗𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙠 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙝𝙚𝙖𝙧𝙩

== r i c k y 's p o v ==

i let out a caught breath as soon as everyone around the corner is gone, the two men taking the five hostages back inside for whatever reason.

"okay, we're good," nini sighs, peeping her head around the corner to make sure no one was still there. she tips her head back on my chest, her breathing still shallow from whatever the fuck just happened. everything from our argument has been put on hold, the two of us almost forgetting about it like it never happened--for the time being.

"you can let go of me now, ricky." her lips turn up in the slightest way from me being the idiot i am.

"oh, yeah, sorry," i breathe out as i set her back down on the ground.

later

i decide to take a shower when we get back to get a much needed break from the silent tenseness between nini and i. neither of us said a word to each other on the way back--i wouldn't say that it was awkward though, or at least not as awkward as this morning.

when i come out of the bathroom i'm surprised to see nini sitting at the island table typing something out on the company computer. she's in her pajamas--a pair of grey sweatpants and a plain white cropped t-shirt--, her hair tied up into a bun.

"nins, it's like three in the morning, you should--"

"sleep? yeah, i tried that. you can, but..i need to fill out the report to send to corporate."

to say she looks stressed would be an understatement. i know what happened was terrible and scary, but it shouldn't have her this worked up. i replay the night through my head, running over all of the big events that've gone down. what else could've--oh my god.

i told her i loved her.

holy shit--i can't even imagine what's running through her mind right now. first, she says she wants to take it slow.

slow.

then last night..happened. then--oh my god, my dumbass made out with her on a counter! a fucking counter! after that, in the middle of an argument, i told her i loved her! just perfect timing, ricky, really. it's not like that's literally what broke her heart or anything, oh wait, it is! oh, and then--to top it all off, we had to watch five people get abducted! the perfect little cherry on top!

no shit, she can't sleep.

every logical part in my brain is telling me not to say something. i should take a step back, right? i nod and walk towards the bed, but stop myself in my tracks. that's stupid. she's gonna overthink everything, i just know it. this might make everything worse, but i have to at least apologize.

"i just want you to know i'm really, really sorry. about everything," i say, her head turning around in the chair. she doesn't look at me though, her eyes just flicker down to the ground.

"it's fine--"

"no, nini, it's not. not even a little bit. look, i completely understand if you don't want to do this. you have every right to just ignore me and not talk to me for the rest of the mission..i mean, i know i wouldn't. we finally make a little bit of progress, and then i have to go and mess it up. over and over. it's like--two steps forward and one step back. and i know you're probably so tired of walking, or stepping or--i don't know. i just..i don't want you to feel like you have to."

she looks back up at me, not saying anything for a moment while maintaining our eye contact from across the room.

"did you mean what you said..earlier? when you told me you loved me?"

i open my mouth to speak, but nothing comes out. it's a lose-lose situation. i say i didn't mean it, it hurts her. i say i meant it, and only add to the pile of things we're doing too fast. but i don't need to say anything, because looking at nini now, it's clear she knows what the real answer is. i feel the need to still say something, to indirectly confirm the answer.

"i can't live without you anymore, nini. i mean, yeah, i'm not gonna drop dead or anything when this is over..i just, i don't ever really feel like i'm really, like, living when you're not in my life. i never really could."

"yeah," she flashes me a small smile before closing the computer and getting off of the island chair.

was that a good thing or bad thing? it's good, right? i turn to put my stuff back in the bed, before quickly facing her again to add more.

"and i'm so, so sorry nothing went as planned. this has been the opposite of slow, and the thought of me doing something to make you uncomfortable...can we just forget about last night? or this morning, i mean?"

"no," nini shakes her head, coming to sit on the bed.

"no?" i tilt my head, genuinely confused by her response. i look down at her on the bed and wait her her response.

"no, i mean, we can't. i thought we could just go back to the way things were before, but that's just not possible."

"why not?" i sit down on the edge of the bed with her.

"because we tried to this morning, and we can't even brush our teeth together without it being weird," she giggles, "i'm just saying, i don't want to pretend like it's nothing and move on anymore. because you were right, that's what i've been doing. but it's not all your fault; it's just..whether we like it or not, it happened."

we smile at each other for a second, the awkwardness from this morning completely gone.

"i mean, i'm sure at least one of us liked it, because my back--"

"oh my god," nini laughs, pushing at my shoulder before scooting herself back to her side of the bed.

"well--"

"shut up and turn the lights off," nini throws one of the smaller pillows at me from across the bed. i raise my arms in defense, snickering to myself as i walk over to turn the lights off. my mood changes when i walk back to the bed and see that nini put the pillow back in the middle of the bed. i mean, i don't know why i expected it not to be there, it's what we agreed on the first night. i just figured..i don't know.

...

"oh, and nini?" i say a while after i get back into the bed.

"mm?" nini says, her eyes still closed while she clutches the pillow facing me on the middle of the bed.

"i shouldn't have said that thing earlier..about you and e.j, or whatever his real name is. i was way out of line."

"no, you weren't."

"i wasn't?"

"you have a right to question whether or not your girlfriend is messing around with other people," nini mumbles while half asleep, probably not even realizing that she said it. but she did.

like nina salazar-roberts, as in, my girlfriend. not co-worker. not buddy. not nini and ricky.