- SouthPark high -

Ch.39

I look up and see steel eyes.
"Craig?"

He looks at me with confusion and a bit of frustration.

"Weirdo?"

I really didn't want to jump into anyone right now. My tearful face isn't the prettiest to stare at. I really didn't want anyone to see me like this, especially Craig.

"Sorry my bad, see ya."

I try to move past him but he grabs my wrist softly.

"Hey Ellie are you okay? What's wrong?"

My eyes tear up at that question and I struggle not to let them fall.

"Nothing I'm fine let go."

I try to remove my hand but he has a steady grip.

"Ellie.."

I turn to see that he's looking at me with a stern gaze but I can't tell what he's thinking.

He sighs and trails he gaze away from me.

He pulls me behind him and starts walking on the pavement .

"Where—?"

Craig interrupts me and continues walking forward.

"Come on weirdo I didn't know you were such a cry baby."

I hold in a sob and I didn't really know why I continued to follow him despite his mean words.
But the feeling of his hand interlocked with mine was comforting. Especially how his thumb was rubbing my hand in a soothing way.

We arrive at Craig's house and we go upstairs to his room.

Everything about his room was blue.

He guides me to his bed and I sit awkwardly on it.
He goes to close his door and he goes to his hamster cage to carry the little guy on his hands.
I watch with tearful eyes and see him petting him gently while he sits next to me.
We both sit in silence but I guess it feels nice not to talk about my feelings.

"Hey Craig?"
Craig looks at me with his steel blue eyes and I fall into his hypnotizing gaze.
"What?"

I gulp a bit and sigh out loud.
"Thanks."

Craig stares at me for a bit before turning to his hamster.

"Yeah."

I lay down on his bed and stare at the blue ceiling.

I slowly close my eyes and thoughts come to my mind.

My heart feels so heavy.

Stan...

I need to stop and get over him.

I'll be fine.

I always am...

I'll live without him.

I don't need him.

I need me.

I'll miss him greatly and I'll always feel a love towards him and I wish him the best.
Sometimes you can't control what people feel and the more you think about it, the more it hurts.
I wish it could be different but what's the point in dwelling on someone who will bring you pain? I need to treat myself better than that.
It's so hard when I always want to put him first.
But who will put me first?

I'm worth so much more than that. And if he can't see it shit I will.
I'll never be what he's looking for.
I'm just better off alone.