Someone Will Remember Us

Nightmare After Nightmare

Chapter Twenty-Three

I can't sleep.

Scott is on my right and he's snoring quietly but he's not the reason I can't sleep.

I keep on replaying the conversation with Zach in my head and I try to imagine what it went like.

"I love Monty." or maybe it was, "I think I love Monty." or even better, "I think I'm starting to love Monty."

Whichever one it was, it hurts all the same.

He never told me how he felt. Why the fuck didn't he?

Would it have changed anything? I like to think that it would have.

"Charlie?"

I've been dying to talk to him ever since I talked to Zach, I just didn't know how to start the conversation.

"Hmm?"

I swallow hard. "Are you sleeping?" Which really means, 'Can I talk to you?'.

Charlie's sleeping on my left but we've both got our backs to each other.

"No."

Charlie will know what to do.

I slowly turn on my side and the bed creaks as he does the same until we're facing each other.

"Are you gonna tell me what happened?" Charlie asks me quietly and I sigh. I really really want to, but I don't want him to know how badly I treated Winn.

But Charlie's the only one who gives me the advice I need. I can't talk to Scott about this shit, he won't understand.

Charlie's never judged me before, he's given me shit and he's gotten mad at me but he's never judged me.

"We bumped into Bryce and this other guy on Saturday," I tell Charlie because there's no point beating around the bush. His face remains neutral as I briefly explain who Ryan is and what he did when he saw me with Winn.

"So what did you tell him?"

It's dark but I can see Charlie's expression clearly and he's waiting for me to tell him what I did that fucked us up so bad.

"I said that Winn was blackmailing me to hang out with him," I say quietly and Charlie's face hardens. "I... Ryan said some shit. Insulted him and then he..."

"He what?" Charlie asks coldly because he can already tell that this is just going to get worse.

"Ryan spat in his face," I say and then I pause. "I laughed and I let Winston walk away."

You have no idea how many times I've relived that night. Fuck, I've even dreamt about it. Sometimes it's a nightmare and sometimes it's my own made-up version where I stand up to Ryan and then take Winn to the Ferris wheel.

You can guess which one I prefer.

Charlie sighs and he shakes his head. "Fuck. Monty..."

I wish that was it. I wish I kept my fucking mouth shut.

"Then I went after him," I say slowly and Charlie's looking at me with this look on his face like he knows that this can't be fixed. "He told me that I needed time because I...because I wasn't ready for a relationship."

Charlie looks like he might agree with Winn but he presses his lips together in a thin line.

"So I..." But I don't know if I can say the next part. As soon as those words are out, at least three people will know what I said. "I said...some hurtful stuff."