Sweet Caroline

#51 Fight and make up

"Nathan," I sigh when I see him sitting on the couch in his suit, his hair a mess. "I'm happy you're here."

"You don't look happy," he replies, getting up slowly. His suit isn't as crisp as I'm used to. In fact, he looks like crap. He's got dark circles under his eyes and his tie is complete askew.

"That's because I'm not." I gesture for him to sit back down and take a seat right next to him, although I make sure to keep some space between us, so I won't get distracted by him. We need to talk about this. I deserve an explanation for him ignoring me all week. "Nathan... are you okay?"

"No," he says softly, looking down at the phone in his hands. "I'm not."

I follow his gaze and see that he's on Shaughna's Instagram profile that is filled with pictures of last night. I'm in almost every single one, dancing and drinking with her, Dshawn, Aston, Yord and the other friends that were with us.

"Did you..." He takes a deep breath and finally looks up at me, his emerald eyes sadder than I've ever seen them. "Did you sleep with any of them?"

"What?" He's got to be kidding me. "How dare you ask me that! Of course I didn't, Nate. Do you seriously think that I'd cheat on you? Do you really think so little of me?"

"It's what you did last time," he says calmly. "And since Dshawn is spoken for now, I guess it won't be him this time. But these other guys sure wouldn't say no to you." He scrolls down and shows me a picture of me and Yord smiling at each other. One of his arms is around my middle. "I've been here for hours, Caroline. But I guess you were too busy partying to talk to me."

"Oh no," I hiss, getting up to pace the room. "You don't get to do this, Nathan. You dropped me off here Tuesday night and didn't respond to any of my calls or texts. I tried to give you space, but when you said you were too busy to talk to me for even a second, I decided to go out with my friends. I was just having fun with Shaughna and some other friends. You don't get to judge me for that. Nothing happened. Yes, I danced with some guys, but I don't think I should have to defend myself for that. If you want me to apologize to you, then you really don't know me. I did nothing wrong!" I'm breathing hard by now, tears threatening to spill out of my eyes. I don't want to cry, but I'm more sad than angry, even though I'm yelling by now. "And it's not fair for you to judge me about sleeping with Dshawn. We weren't together then and you know it! In fact, you told me you understood that I was just trying to get over you."

"I know." Nathan looks down at his phone again. "And I know I'm acting like a teenager, confronting you with pictures on social media. It's just..." He grunts. "I've been torturing myself with these for hours now, praying you'd come home so I could talk to you. Wishing and hoping you didn't think that me not talking to you meant that I wanted to break up with you, because if you thought that, then you might..."

I sigh when he trails off. "You thought that if I considered this a break-up, I would be in another man's bed all weekend. Seriously, Nate, I wouldn't do that. This isn't the same as it was last time. We were both fighting the attraction between us back then because we knew we needed to stay away from each other. Now that we're committed to each other, I would never do something like that." It didn't even cross my mind, even though I'm upset with him. Even though I could tell that Aston wouldn't have minded taking me home with him, I wasn't tempted for even a second. All I want is Nathan, even when we're fighting.

"Good." He smiles sadly. "And I guess I knew that all along, but I just... Those pictures... All these guys your own age who aren't too old to party, who you can just date openly..."

"They were nice to dance with, but they're not the ones I want to come home to." I'm glad he feels better, but we still need to talk. I'm still angry at him. "Now it's your turn, Nate. Why the hell do you think it's okay to ignore me for a full week? I did nothing wrong and you know it."