Sweet Caroline

#59 Apologies for breakfast

When I wake up on Sunday morning, I feel awful. Not just because I am slightly hungover from both the alcohol and all the crying, on top of an awful night's sleep, but mostly because Nathan never made it back to the room. I know that I told him to sleep on the couch, but I had secretly been hoping that he would try to talk to me anyway, explain himself to me, apologize. I know that he wasn't in any state to do that last night and it would probably just have resulted in me yelling at him again, but I still wanted to see him.

The moment I open my eyes and realize he's not with me, it becomes abundantly clear that I'm not even remotely ready to give up on him. He's been so good to me and I love him so much... Even though he hurt me, I still want his arms around me. We can't let it end like this. I just hope and pray that he feels the same way. That me blowing up at him last night instead of handling this like an adult is not going to be our undoing.

After a quick visit to the bathroom, I dress in jeans and a T-shirt before going downstairs. Time to face the music. When I step into the living room, I only find Jillian and Gina there. The men are nowhere to be seen.

"Angelo is getting us all breakfast at our favorite bakery, Sean is still sound asleep and Nathan went for a walk," Gina says when she sees me frown at Nathan's blanket and pillow that are still on the couch.

"I'm sorry for last night," I say, blushing. "I shouldn't have blown up like that."

Gina grins. "Trust me, Caroline, you did nothing I wouldn't have done. In fact, Angelo and I would probably still be screaming at each other if this had happened to me instead of you."

"The guys filled us in," Jillian says, patting the seat next to her and handing me a cup of coffee. "Do you want to tell your side of the story?"

I shrug. Might as well. "I had the window open and I could hear part of their conversation. I didn't like..." I swallow back tears. I thought I was all cried out but turns out I've still got some sadness left in me. "Nathan is usually so respectful and sweet. The way he talked about me last night..."

"Boys will be boys," Gina says like that explains everything. "Especially when they've inhaled liters of beer."

"Yeah, well, I never talk about him like that, not even after two bottles of wine." I take a sip of my coffee, but all I really want it to talk to Nathan. "I think I'll go for a walk too."

"Angelo will be back with breakfast soon," Jillian says. "The world looks better after a cinnamon roll."

Gina shakes her head. "I don't think Caroline needs sugary breakfast treats right now, Jill. She needs her man to explain himself."

"Exactly." I get up and take out my phone. Nathan hasn't called or texted, but I hadn't expected him to anyway. I press on his name and smile when he picks up immediately. "Where are you?"

Five minutes later, we're sitting on a bench in the park close to the house. Nathan is staring at the grass, his hands clenched in his lap. I'm looking at him, waiting until he speaks up.

"I'm sorry," he says after a while, finally meeting my gaze. "You've got no idea how sorry I am. What I said last night... There is no excuse for that. I never should have said any of those things. I want you to know that even though it didn't seem like it last night, I think the world of you. I do respect you."

I sigh. He's saying all the right things, but I still feel like shit. "You really hurt me, Nathan. You made it sound like all I'm good for is to fuck your brains out. I thought I meant more than that to you."

"You do!" He turns his body in my direction and reaches for my hand. "I love you. You know I love you, Caroline. I was drunk and stupid and immature. I swear that I don't think of you like that."