Green with envy | Wicked | Book 1/3

Nessa

(Takes place a few months after the last chapter)

Finally after months my leg is fixed and I'm back in my comfy chair.
Not as comfortable as my governing one, but I have to wait to use that.
I look out towards the window, Elphaba is brushing her hair, I did my own hair this morning.
Suddenly father shouts for her to go downstairs, we both share a confused look for a moment and Elphie rushes downstairs to meet him.

After a while Elphaba comes back upstairs, she's crying but I didn't hear father shout at her.
He must have not because when she shouts at echoes through the whole house.
"What's wrong?" I ask curiously, pushing myself over to her.
Elphie throws herself into my arms, I hold her gently out of shock, she never hugs me like this, unless I ask or she asks first.
"Aunt Sophias dead!" She cries.
Elphie trembles in my arms, I can't hold her properly, all a can do Is sort of hold her under her arms, it's very uncomfortable.
"It's okay" I say solemnly, "it will be okay"
I don't know what to do, I've never seen Elphaba cry like this before.
"I'm never going to a family party again!" She shouts.
"H...how did she die?" I stutter,
Elphie looks up suddenly and wipes her eyes.
"I can't tell you"
I scowl,
"Father says I can't"
She's still crying.
I'm not sure whether it's because she's sad or because father has threatened her.
"Elphaba, sisters shouldn't keep secrets!" I whine, we should keep secrets but I don't care.
I don't like being in the dark about things.
"Nessa no" she says flatly,
"Fine" I shout "don't tell me!"

I push myself away onto the balcony and look out.
Hear Elphie sniffing into her pillow.
I need to know how she passed, I hate not knowing about my family.
I know nothing about my mother and it's kills me, father won't talk about her because he knows I blame myself for her death.

Someone comes onto the balcony.
It's Tilly.
"I came to check on you miss nessarose" she says politely. "It's so sad what happened to Sophia"
I see a news paper clenched in her hands.
"Is it in the news, what happened to her?"
Tilly looks at the paper,
"Yess, would you like to read it?"
I nod my head vigorously and Tilly hands me the paper.

Governor family suicide

Suicide?
Why would she do that?
I hand the paper back to Tilly and she walks back into the room and goes downstairs.
I follow her back in.
"Why would aunt Sophia killl herself?" I ask into the room,
Not expecting an answer.
Elphie sits bolt upright.
"Who told you?" She asks sternly, she's never been this fierce before.
"It's in the news," I splutter "why Elphie? Why can't I know?"
Elphie looks at me, we are both crying now.
"She got sick" Elphie says solemnly "she became so weak"
I'm confused, that's not suicide.
"She went to hospital" Elphie continues "and they told her she was..."
her voice trails off.
"What Elphie?" I demand.
"Going to loose the movement in her legs" Elphie mutters.
I gasp loudly, Elphaba rushes over to me and hugs me tightly.
I don't speak.
I can't speak.
She killed herself because she was going to be like me.
I'm stunned,
Elphaba doesn't know what to do.

She lets go of me and dashes downstairs, I hear father shout at her loudly and then two sets of footsteps rush upstairs.
Father bursts in, with Elphie not far behind.
"Nessa!" He says hurriedly, father bends down to my level and hold my hands.
I cry loudly, i don't care anymore fathers already up here so there's no reason to be quiet.
Father puts his hands under my arms and lifts me out of my chair, he sits me in his lap and rocks me back and forth.
Elphie just stands near the doorway awkwardly.
"Shh" father whispers "don't cry Nessa"
I looks down at my legs, my stupid, limp legs and scream.
Somthing that I haven't done in a while.

I'm supposed to be older now, I'm supposed to be mature, but I just can't help it.
I hate myself, I just want to be normal, to have friends that don't treat me any different to anyone els.
Father cradles me in his arms.
"Nessa please" father says wearily, he sounds so tired.
"Is it really that hopeless" I cry,
Father wipes away my tears.
"Don't ever say that Nessa, your not hopeless, you are incredible"
I don't feel it.
Someone In my own family.
They could have asked me for help, someone I was related to could finally understand me.
But no, they gave up, they decided being dead was better than being like me.

I don't want to try anymore.
It's not worth it.
Not if someone else would rather be dead
And with my father as the governor, he made everything accessible.
Father strokes my hair, he beckons Elphaba over and whispers something to her, she scampers away and brings in a large music box.
Father opens it, the tune begins to play, it's beautiful.
That music box has always been the last resort, the music always seemed to calm me down when I was younger, if I was inconsolable it would be played.
And it would always work.
I close my eyes and listen to it.
The lovely melody, it's so soothing.

I feel like a child again.
My childhood wasn't the best, I try not to remember it, the people who call me a brat now would think I'm a saint compared to my five year old self.
I was so demanding, even more so than I am now.
But I can't help it, not being able to reach down and tie your own shoes really makes you restless.
"Isn't that better" I hear father whisper.
I keep my eyes closed, I feel them getting heavier and heavier.
I'm so tired.