Green with envy | Wicked | Book 1/3

Elphie

It's the middle of the day, I told dad about Nessa refusing to eat, I convinced him not to bring it up with her.
She's downstairs with father right now having a large lunch, father said he's going to be less lenient with how much food we can leave on our plates.
I don't think Nessa thinks she's fat, I just think she's panicking because of starting school next year.
I know how exited she is about it, she has this fantasy of everything going well.
I've promised her it will be different.

I'm glad she's not sick though, Nessa hasn't been poorly in ages,I just remember her constantly complaining about being to hot and then when I'd take her blanket away she was too cold.
I remember Nessa having flu once, she didn't stop shivering for ages and somehow it was my fault.
Nessa doesn't need to worry about being thin because she's so beautiful and I'm...
I'm just green.

I've sometimes wondered if Nessa wasn't as cared for as she is, if she would have the strange powers I possess, perhaps she does and she just hasn't had to use them.
Nessa and eare different in many ways, father taught me that I live to serve Nessa, as soon as I turned three mother had her.
Father wanted a better daughter and he got one.
The only time my father had ever loved me was before I was born.
Other than nessas disability she is perfect, a perfect rose as father says, hence her name being Nessarose.
Nessa however was unknowingly taught that people would always be there for her, perhaps that's why she's so needy, she can't survive without companionship.
She needs it, I do worry for Nessa because I'm older, I'll get out of school before her, I can't look after her then, I'll just have to find a way.

About a month before Nessa was born, mother started to get sick, it wasn't like morning sickness it was somthing els, she would rarely get out of her bed.
Father was so scared that mothers next child would come out green that he made mother chew milk flower day and night.
It made Nessa come to soon and mother never woke up.
I made a promise to mother that I'd be a good big sister and that I'd always take care of my baby sister.
I wish I hadn't have made that promise.
There's no one in the world I'd rather trade places with than Nessa, she has everything she needs.
She doesn't need father as much as she thinks she does, if it was just me and Nessa I think we would get on fine, but fathers constant worrying about nessas 'fragile state' drives us both crazy.

Suddenly there's a loud crash from downstairs, I hear Nessa scream.
I dash downstairs, skipping two steps at a time.
Nessa is pushed up against the wall, away from the dining table.
There's a smashed plate on the floor, small bits of broken China are nestled in the gaps between our floor tiles.
Nessa looks spooked, father is in the kitchen, possibly asking someone to clean up the plate.
"I didn't mean too" Nessa mumbles, "I had finished my meal and I pulled it off by accident"
"Ness" I say carefully "how are you feeling?"
"Full" Nessa grumbles rolling her eyes, she wheels herself past me, towards her piano.
She begins to play a familiar tune,
"Mary has a little lamb" I exclaim cheerfully, Nessa nods and begins to sing along.
Nessa has a beautiful dainty voice, I'm not allowed to sing because I sing too loudly, father says I give him earache.
"Oh Nessa your doing so well" I say honestly "I really do mean it."
Nessa taps me on the arm, I turn to her.
"Fathers thinking of sending us to a boarding school" she says shakily,
A boarding school.
If people make fun of me it means I have to live everyday knowing that one of them might be in the dorm next door.
"I'm scared" Nessa whispers.
"It will be fine" I say reassuringly "I'll share a dorm with you and it will be fine."
Nessa looks slightly less worried.
"I hope so."

Nessa pauses and looks out towards the kitchen.
"Elphie" she whispers "no matter how many people tell me that I'm beautiful, I still only see a girl in a chair"
Oh Nessa, she's so self pitying and it's horrible to watch her tear herself down.
"Ness don't be like that, your so pretty" I've told her this so many times that it doesn't sound convincing anymore.
Father walks back in followed by Tilly who starts picking up the broken plate parts.

I'm upstairs, Nessa is downstairs playing her piano.
She's doing surprisingly well and seems keen to learn.
I've always wanted to learn violin but I'd never have the time.
Im starting to think about the new school, I have no idea what it's going to be like.
It could be great but I'm sure it won't be.
Perhaps people will see that I'm such a good sister to Nessa that they won't be mean to me.
That's where all the bullying comes from.
Fear.
People think I'm some evil creature so they taunt me, I think they believe that is keeping them safe.
What if Nessa finds loads of friends and leaves me, she's all I have.
I think without father me and Nessa will get on really well, we will share a dorm and everything should be fine.
Knowing what fathers like he will force the school to take all the precautions necessary for nessas comfort.
One of the things that I will always remember about Nessa is somthing she told me a while ago.
'Elphie you might have your power but mine is pity, so many things change when everyone pity's you'
I think she was right, Nessa believes that people only call her pretty because she's disabled and they feel bad for her,
but it's not true she's genuinely so beautiful and I hate it.
I'd never say that I hate Nessa, but I hate how pretty she is.
I can't think of one thing wrong with her.
Whereas me, I can think one at least one thing.
I often wonder if I hadn't come out green, would I be the favourite? Or at least seen as an equal.
If I wasn't green Nessa wouldn't be paralysed and mother wouldn't be dead.
I miss my mother so much, I bet Nessa would hate me if she ever worked out that I'm the reason that she never get to meet her own mum.