Green with envy | Wicked | Book 1/3

Elphie

Nessa is out in the balcony, I don't know what she's feeling.
Father is very upset with me but his concern for Nessa has overshadowed his rage.
I'm sat on my bed, looking out towards the balcony doors at Nessa, father is sacred that she might try to follow in Aunt Sophias footsteps.
She wouldn't do that.
Would she?

"Nessa" I call out, she doesn't move "I'm just inside if you need anything"
No response.
That's how Nessa deals with her negative feelings, she will throw a fit for the first part and then she won't speak.
She'll nod and shake her head but that's about it.
It always ends up being my fault that I don't know what she wants when she's sad even though she just doesn't communicate properly when she's in a mood.
I wish I was allowed to be upset about things.
Up until yesterday I don't think Nessa had ever seen me cry about somthing that wasn't related to father shouting at me.
I genuinely liked aunt Sophia and now she's gone.
I didn't go to the funeral, I stayed home with Nessa, there was an after party of sorts here.
Everyone told Nessa how brave they thought she was and how much hardship she had overcome.
They are wrong.
Nessas life would be hard if she didn't have father wrapped around her tiny finger.

Nessa is quite a small girl her chair kind of swallows her up a bit, I've been thinking about that a lot.
So she always seems to sink down onto her chair, like she's trying to hide.
I would run and hide if I could.
It would stop people from staring at me.
I deside to go out and sit with Nessa, she probably has a lot on her mind.
I really just want to be able to grieve my favourite relative, but I understand.
I always have to understand.

I go out onto the balcony, nessas hair is blowing slightly in the gentle breeze.
"Nessa," I say solemnly "do you want to talk about it?"
Nessa moves suddenly, I jump a bit.
She pushes herself closer to the balcony edge.
I panic.
"Nessa stop!" I blurt out.
She stops and turns to look at me, her eyes meet mine for the first time today.
"Oh calm down Elphaba" she says dryly "it's not like I was gonna throw myself off"
I shudder at the thought.
"I couldn't even if I wanted to" she adds.
I turn her away from the balcony edge.
"Don't say such horrible things" I say drastically,
Nessa rolls her eyes at me,
"You worry too much Elphaba" Nessa says pushing herself past me back into our room.

I'm so confused, she seems fine but I know she isn't.
"Nessa, are you feeling okay?" I ask picking up my pace and following her in.
"Never better" she says sarcastically.
I follow her as she makes her way around the room.
Nessa stops in front of my bed, my wall of pictures.
She grabs one off the wall.
It's the picture of me and aunt Sophia, I'm only little, I'm perched lovingly on her lap and Nessa is in her chair with her arms outstretched towards her.
Aunt Sophia has her back turned away from Nessa.
I walk over to Nessa and she hands me back the picture.
"I know what she said about me" Nessa says looking down "I know what a lot of people say about me"
I don't reply, one way or another I'm about to be shouted at.
"I know people call me a brat or something of that nature" Nessa says, her tone getting darker.
"Its not my fault, no one understands" Nessa growls "and aunt Sophia would rather be dead than be like the person that she criticised all those times, well maybe she's right"
I don't like where this is going.
"Nessa don't be silly"
She scowls,
"Because it's not fun, it's not fun being twelve years old and still not being able to play football with your sister, it's not fun being separated from everyone else"
I step back from Nessa, I don't know what to tell her because she's not going to care what I say.
"Aunt Sophia made the right call, who would want to spend their life like me, being practically unable to function without a parade of people around you at all times"
Nessas eyes start to go red, she's about to cry.
"No" she mutters, her voice cracks slightly "no one would want that at all."

Nessa erupts into a flurry of large sobs, I wrap my arms around her.
I'm not going to fetch father.
I can do this myself, I can do this without receiving an earful about how I didn't comfort Nessa fast enough.
I'm a good caretaker, it's the only thing father has ever mildly praised me for.
Nessa suddenly pushes me off of her.
"Get off of me Elphie, I'm not a baby" her eyes are still red but I don't protest.

She can do what she wants, she doesn't want my help.
Nessa looks back at the photos, I don't stop her.
She looks at the one of her, the one of mum and I and the one of father holding Nessa as a baby.
"I miss this" she says quietly,
I put my hand on her shoulder,
"Miss what?"
"Being a child" Nessa says sadly.
I don't understand, Nessa hated being a child.
"Why's that?" I ask curiously.
"Because your allowed to have tantrums when your a child, it's normal"
"Nessa you don't have tantrums" I lie,
She turns herself round to look at me.
"Your a terrible liar Elphaba" Nessa says bluntly.
I blush.
"I don't want to have tantrums but I just can't help it" Nessa cries "you can just walk away if your frustrated, I can't."
I hold nessas hands. Ive never thought about it like that.
"If you want something from downstairs you just go and get it" Nessa looks me in my eyes "I know I'm not the best sister in the world but I do try Elphie, I try so very hard."

Nessa pulls her hands away from mine and wipes her eyes, she hates crying.
She sniffs and looks out towards the balcony.
"I'm sorry that you didn't get to go the funeral" Nessa says quietly.
I'm not actually upset about it, I didn't want to go, I hate it when people die and I hate funerals.
"It's fine Nessa" I say comfortingly.
She smiles softly and nods.
"Elphie, can you do something for me?" Nessa asks tenderly.
"Yeah, what is it?"
Nessa points to the armchair in the corner of our room.
"Can you put me in that?"
Nessa rarely ever sits in chairs unless father puts her in one.
"Sure" I say pushing Nessa over to it.
I lift her up gently and place her down onto it.
"My blanket!" Nessa exclaims, I rush over to her bed and bring her blanket over to her.
Ness wraps it around herself and snuggles up in it.
She looks so comfy.

After a while Nessa falls asleep, I creep over to my bed and do the same.