BJ Tharn [On-Going]

Chapter 19

Chapter 19

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What is done with love is done well.

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Time, an ever-fleeting substance ran freely as the green grass breaks through the non-existent snow, signaling the start of mid-March. The sky let out a cry as Gulf held the cup of green tea in his hand while watching the tinted glass window of their apartment, overlooking the skyscapes of Bangkok, gray from the weather, waiting for Mew.

His right-hand scribbled upon his journal, letting his thoughts out through a song. Gulf is not religious or spiritual at all, but the calming ambiance and the continuous blessing that he received made him want to utter a silent prayer to whoever is looking at him above the clouds.

He often wondered if he's worthy of all the things he had received, or the people that had entered his life. Everything is so surreal that he questioned if it's ever real at all. And if it is real, how long will it last?

Gulf didn't want to tell Mew, or anyone, that he had been questioning their relationship especially since Mew's parents not supporting it. Guilt and pain threaten to eat him alive just by the mere thought of breaking up with his beloved. Not that he wanted to leave Mew, but because he loves him too much that making Mew give up his family won't ease the conscience that he would feel after it.

His thoughts are conflicted. Both choices would've devastating consequences, and for once, Gulf wanted to be selfish. That's why one promise that he made to himself is that he won't break up with Mew unless Mew decided to break up with him first.

Gulf always felt like there would be payment for every happy moment; like it would be repaid with pain and misery. Aside from his rational thoughts, there is a gut instinct telling him that something bad will happen. Especially when he spends his time with Mew. He felt like it was a borrowed time and that they are not meant to be for each other.

"Maybe I'm just overthinking and over-analyzing things. Nothing will happen. I'm just not used to being in love like this. Maybe I just love him too much that I'm thinking of ways that we could possibly break up so I could prevent it." Gulf sighed, "everything is going to be okay. There's no point in worrying for tomorrow. I should just focus on the present that we have now. That's right Gulf."

The positive affirmation and self-talk did not ease his frightened heart. His body longed the touch of his lover, craving the mere scent of Mew to calm his pulsing heartbeat. Gulf pulled closer Mew's hoodie that he was wearing, finding a feeling of being at home despite the hoodie being loose around his lean body.

Overthinking and sappy thoughts entered his mind, reflecting it on his journal. He decided to take a short nap when his phone rang. It was Mild.

"How's my favorite introvert doing?" Mild shouted with a hint of drunkenness despite the time being three in the afternoon.

"Umm... still alive? Are you okay, Mild? You sound drunk?" Gulf said as he went to collect his journal and walked to their room.

"I'm okay! I have no problem at all! I have zero problems! But you, my dear handsome friend, I know that you have a lot of problems, that you never seem to run out of them since you create mini problems on the problems given to you." Mild mumbled incoherently.

Gulf didn't know what to reply to his semi-drunk friend, but Mild's statement hits too close at home.

"I wouldn't want to bother you with my problems."

"You're Gulf!" Gulf had no idea what to make of Mild's statement and just went silent. Mild was laughing at the background and then added, "You're Gulf. That's why I know that you already have answers to your problems. Even though your thoughts somehow shift from logical to emotional, you still manage to conclude that satisfies both of those sides. Anyway, I want to tell you something. You know I have flirted with this upperclassmen guy, right? Well, we just dated for a month but when I went to his apartment, his brother was there... and we kissed... and I kinda like it better than the one I'm dating!"