Good Omens One Shots 1

A Child 8

Crowley was out on the porch, preparing a flower bed to add to the abundance of greenery now around the house. It had been a few weeks at the house and the three of them were all settling in quite nicely. Apopis was absolutely delighted to have her two caretakers only a room away at nearly all times. Her and Aziraphale had headed down to the bookshop a few times while Crowley checked on her flat, but nothing was out of the ordinary. The two didn't have much work to be done at the moment.

Though Crowley was a little apprehensive of what Hell was planning - they had been silent for much too long - she tried to ignore it in favor of starting her garden. A real one that wasn't hidden in a little greenroom in London. She had gotten all the equipment and plants that she hoped would one day grow into a fruitful garden for this place.

She hummed quietly as she worked, only noticing a little Apopis, featuring a tartan bow tie, shuffle up to her with a suspicious looking smirk.

"Oh no. Did he make you wear that?" Crowley frowned taking the bow tie off immediately, it absolutely did not go with the rest of her outfit.

Apopis giggled and swayed a bit on her feet, holding her hands behind her as if she had a secret, "You are nice." she said with a mischievous smirk.

Crowley gaped at her, "What?"

"Yur the nicest Dee evah!" she screeched and Crowley covered her mouth immediately, looking around for if anyone heard. Thankfully, their wards around their plot of land kept the humans ignorant of what went on within their gates. Crowley growled deep in her throat. She had not taught Poppy that language but she had an idea of who had.

"That angel." She muttered under her breath, "Filling your head with nonsense. I'm not nice." Faintly she heard Aziraphale's giggle from where Poppy had left the door open and her blood boiled. Two could play at this game. Slowly she let go of Apopis' mouth, hoping the child would keep those atrocities to herself.

"Nice nice neese! Neese...?" she mumbled to herself, getting a bit lost in the pronunciation.

Crowley quickly shushed her, "No no. I'm not nice. Dee isn't nice, understand?" She removed her sunglasses briefly to try and make the point clear. Apopis just giggled and bit her lip, looking up at the demon expectantly, "Listen here love, I need you to do something for me." she tugged her closer so she could whisper into her ear. "Go to Az."

"Go to az." she repeated just as quietly.

Crowley nodded, "Yes, and scream as loud as you can 'bastard!' okay?" at the sound of her inhaling deeply as if she was about to scream right now, Crowley covered her mouth, "scream at Az, not me."

Apopis nodded and Crowley let go of her mouth, "bas-turd." she tried the foreign word on her tongue.

"Close enough. Now remember: go to Az, then scream 'bastard'" Crowley said, putting both her hands on the child's shoulders to make sure she understood.

"Bas-turd," she nodded and Crowley spun her around to march her back into the house. Once Apopis was inside, Crowley scampered back to the flower bed she was gardening, waiting for the chaos to begin.

Aziraphale must have gone back to his study, because a few moments later she heard the faint shrill voice of her dear Apopis screaming 'Bas-turd!' through quite a few walls. The demon grinned at the sound of something thumping to the ground - probably a book the angel was holding. Not a moment later the angel was racing out to the porch where Crowley was trying her best to look nonchalant even though all she really wanted to do was to giggle her head off.

"How dare you!" Aziraphale reprimanded, stomping over to the demon angrily. Apopis followed shortly after, laughing at all the antics.

Crowley shrugged and shifted some dirt around in the garden, trying to look like she was doing something important, "I don't know what you're talking about."