The Love That Bonds Us

Chapter 38 : Giving Up

IDUNA

"It's your turn Iduna."

By the way Arianna said it, I assumed she'd been saying it for a while, but I'd been too preoccupied with my moping, miserable mind to listen.

We were lying on the floor of our favourite living room, playing a game of chess. Or at least Arianna was. My mind was replaying moments I'd spent with Agnarr before he'd gone and lost all sense of reason.

It still hurt, no matter how many times I tried to convince myself it wasn't his fault. I wouldn't believe he'd become the person that he was now out of his own free will. It had to be influenced from the men in the council. And I shouldn't even be surprised. I was well aware of the pressures Agnarr faced, but he should have been confiding his worries in me; I could have stopped him from feeling pressured to be more like his advisors and the Royal Guards. I could have stopped the fear that grew in me every time I was around this new version of himself. I could have stopped us from growing apart.

But now I didn't even have a chance. It was all too late. Agnarr seemed too far gone to be reasoned with, and even Arianna agreed. She'd grown up with him so she probably knew him better than I did.

"Oh. I'm sorry Ari." I said, moving forwards one of my pieces.

Arianna did the same when I'd finished and for a while we fell into a routine - Arianna's turn, then mine, Arianna's turn, then mine.

After some time, my mind began to wander again as it grew bored of the game. We played it nearly every day and the surprise moves we'd sprung on each other when we'd first started playing were now predictable and the game grew increasingly harder to win. Sometimes it was fun, but on this particular day, it wasn't.

"Do you want to stop?"

I didn't register the voice at first and my automatic response came out of my mouth before I could stop it, "What?"

"Do you want to stop?"

A few moments later and the words sunk in. Arianna was asking if I wanted to stop playing. I did. I was losing so badly that I barely had three pieces still in play. I just wasn't in the mood for chess. Everything I had once found enjoyable was slowly becoming less and less fun without Agnarr in my life.

"That'd probably be best." I rolled onto my back and closed my eyes, listening as Arianna placed the chess pieces back in their chest and scraped both board and box across the floor so she could sit closer to me.

"Are you alright 'Una?"

"I'm fine. Just weary, that's all." I answered. Then added quickly, "And it's not because of Agnarr or anything like that. I'm just ... tired."

Arianna gave a slight laugh. "I didn't think it had anything to do with him. I assumed you were tired because of a late night or something. But now that you bring him up ..." she prompted.

I gave a deep sigh and rolled back onto my front. "I'm worried - and scared." I admitted, realising how fascinating the floor was all of a sudden and picking at some of the fly-away fuzz.

"Scared for him? Or of him?" Arianna clarified.

My insides twisted uncomfortably and I sat up. "Both?" I buried my head in my hands, "It's all so messed up."

Arianna rested a hand on my knee for comfort and assurance, "He's quite frightening when he's angry. And unpredictable."

"I just can't handle his wrath anymore. Not now that it's directed at me. Before, when it wasn't, I could calm him down. But every time I went to talk to him about this, he seemed intent on taking his anger out on me. So I started avoiding him." as I said it, I realised I was justifying myself, not really explaining anything. Arianna actually already knew this.